He came back home last night

**Passion** · 01-08-2009 12:28 PM

He called late at night asking to come to talk to me. I hesitated but said yes, He came and said that we were not meant to be, he told me that right now the other girl would be getting home and see that all his things were gone and her keys on the mantle. He said that he knew what he wanted in a relationship and he still did not have it. He said that we did not share common goals and that she was not compassionate. He told me over and over again, I am not coming back to you just because I can't get along with her. I am not coming back to you. he said he needed a friend and this was as close to home as he knows it. He asked if he can sleep in the couch. She kept calling and calling him, he talked to her then he told me he had to go to close it. I had a weak moment and did not know what he really came to the house for, to me for. So I told him that it was his home, he spent the night in the couch and asked me not to take advantage of him that he was not coming back to me. He told me he had slept with her and that he put me through so much and he was not coming back to me. We layed down together in the couch but he was a different person, i just wanted to feel his warmth but he hesitated so much. I did not sleep with him though, did not try. Then in the morning he told me he had not slept with her yet and he told me this because he does not want me to think that he was coming back to me. I am so confused and ashamed that I actually put myself in that position of hearing his drama with his lover. He said he did not know if he was going back to her but was not coming back to me. I went back to the same place

**Joy** · 01-08-2009 01:06 PM

Passion,

OH NO.....

don't let this man get you caught up in his drama trauma. asked you not to take advantage of him................ how about he doesn't take advantage of you....

YOu are still lending this man emotional support........ he needs a friend what about when you needed a friend.... A HOME.... a home he destroyed..... this guy is off his rocker. YOU obviously were the stable one that created stability in his life.

I know you shared 15 years with this man and regardless of what i say or think you are still gonna make your own choice.... you owe this man nothing.......... not even a couch to crash on..... i hope he isn't staying a second night.

maybe i'm a nasty person but if he had told me she wasn't compassionate.... i would have been saying oh boo hoo suck it up. He didn't really show you any compassion hunny and he is crying over the fact someone didn't show him any..........wtf??? why this man expects you to have sympathy for him is beyond me.

you are a greater person then myself cause this man would have got a big hang up and a well i told ya so and a have a nice life from me. Especially when he showed up at more door saying "oh i don't want you back..... but i have no place to go"

Passion...... you deserve so much more in life than this............. let this man know he made his choice and now he must live with the conscquences as they come.

good luck hunny

**Passion** · 01-08-2009 03:10 PM

no he is not staying another night. I am so sure that he is going back to her I think he would like to give that relationship a second try after all that is who he left his wife and home for. It was a really weak moment for me and all night long while he was there I knew I was wrong and was in disbelief of myself how I allowed this to happen, Now I know he seems me as being weak. So I went to square one. What was I to do, although I knew what to do I still did the opposite I guess having him back made me feel somehow secure although I knew everywaken moment that I was so dumb and weak to let this happen.

**geogeo** · 01-08-2009 06:19 PM

Firstly you are not dumb my god you love this man. .....trust me I know how you feel. You wanted to feel his arms around you and to be sheltered once again like the old days. You can never be mad at yourself for this. dont beat yourself up ...your are not weak just loved a man that changed in the end. They did love at one point but something just changes in thier mind...He is not treating you well and you know that and you also know as hard as it is that you cant make him feel the way you do. But my god I know I wish I could make my ex love me the way I love him. I cannot though and its admiting this to ourselves that helps just a bit in the end. It hurts like to except it but think like this ...if he comes back because this women does not want him anymore how long do you think he will stay before he goes again...into the arms of another because he knows that he has messed up now and will think it is okay to continue the pattern. I know loads of people will say this and i just wanted to say deep down really deep down can you keep feeling like this when he knocks on the door? you have to open your hands and look at your hands out stetched.....imagine a a ribbon tieing you to this person and let go of it...watch it float away in the breeze....whatever you are feeling now the pain the anger the hurt the wanting to turn back the clocks .....you will never trust or forgive him...let go face it head on and think my god he cant hurt me anymore because Im safe now ...I dont want to feel anymore pain than I do now...you are deep down waiting for him to realise he loves you that is why you let him back in...this is not a weakness this is because you loved him with all your heart. This makes you a better person ...believe that.. it is true. Dont let him do this to you ......you can only do this when you are ready but you will. I dont need to tell you to be strong because you may do this two or three times but there will come a time when you say ...NO MORE

**happy ending** · 01-09-2009 12:37 AM

yes passion you made a mistake, acknowledge and move on- it might happen again who knows, i just hope you can move on from here. be brave sweetie!

**Passion** · 01-09-2009 03:08 PM

Well it was a lesson well learned. I am now in the process of packing my stuff and looking for a place to live somewhere he can not find me or see me. I think I will live in peace without seeing him. It was strange that the next day going home from work I felt anxiety and I hoped that he had was not at the house. Although for a brief moment I thought to myself wow he is back with her. It makes me feel a little bit better to know that so early in the relationship they are already having problems to this magnitude and wow did she call him and call him. I know that is one thing that he hates from a person a woman that keeps calling and calling when he needs his space.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-09-2009 03:33 PM

I'm glad your moving, and I hope you actually do NEVER see him again.

He's still playing games in my books.

He slept with her, then he didn't sleep with her.

He's at your house, answering at least one of her calls, in which i imagine he stated where he was.

He will say to her that he did not sleep with you, but why stay at your "maritial home" you have mates, in my opinion, unless you want to see how crazy she will get. In accordance to you, she went crazy.

He plays games.

Let him play ......................and then fall off the swing and hurt himself..........whilst you swing to the sky and smile in that knowing.

CW

**Passion** · 01-09-2009 03:56 PM

The phone rang about 20 times until he turned it off because I asked him too. I asked him if she would come to the house? He said she would if she knew where i live. I hope to get a nice one bedroom apartment for myself. I never lived alone. I always either lived with my family or with him. So it is a bit scary but I am looking forward. However, if I can't find a place I will be staying at my family's while I find a place but I am trying really hard as I want to keep two of my small dogs.

**WildChild** · 01-09-2009 05:20 PM

Being on your own will be good for you. You can make everything just as you like it.

**happy ending** · 01-09-2009 06:08 PM

i hope you get to keep your dogs. i have a fridge magnet that says "the more people i know, the more i love my dog" they are good company and will help you feel more secure (as in safe). to use a shocking cliche "YOU GO GIRL!"

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