I am so relieved

**ShannonG** · 01-15-2009 04:04 AM

I just thought I would start my own thread here as I am suffering from the same problem Lucky mentioned in a previous post. My Fiance is addicted to Porn.

I have been with him for 5 years, however 4 of those years I knew he liked Porn. Its only been since Christmas though that I have realised he is an addict to Porn and its moved on to webcams. In my eyes these sites are evil. My kind loving gorgeous Fiance has turned into a mean hearted, grumpy, depressed man and I hate whats happened to him.

Its been so upsetting and I have been thinking about calling the wedding off in September, but that would have crucified me as I love him so much and adore him.

The thing that was worrying me is that he thought he didn't have a problem and it was just a hobby

I knew that was not the case.

However last night he actually told me that he had realised he is an addict and needed help.

I can't tell you what a relief this was to me, we had a whole evening together laughing chatting.. it was just like old times

I realise we have a muontain to climb but for him to admit to having a problem I do believe that this is the first step to recovery.. what do you think?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-15-2009 04:14 AM

The thing that was worrying me is that he thought he didn't have a problem and it was just a hobby

I knew that was not the case.

However last night he actually told me that he had realised he is an addict and needed help.

My point in another thread tonight, "hobby?", it's an addiction ...

Well for a person to "know" and "admit" and "laugh" that's an excellent sign...

But , addicts will also "say " this just to pacify....

That is an addict, won't admit, pretent..

I'm not trying to dampen you not at all, because at 45 I realise what is and what is not, and I would say he is realising but "laughing?" that is what worries me, hense my comment.

Hiding?

If I was an addict? Realised? Wanted help and be free, understand, I would admit it, but i would be deeply wounded, upset, not laugh....

But that's my opinion... You have to ask more, so why did you love about it, why do you think you can let go, and how much does he look at it, why is he reason...

Hobby? If only people could accept that even a hobby is an addiction, I have to plant plants, water them, check, it's a "hobby" but an addiction, it has to work, they have to thrive live...

Is that not what a hobby really is? An addiction? Football, ? Ballet? must be the best?

CW

**ShannonG** · 01-15-2009 04:54 AM

I understand what you are saying, when he explained to me that he was addicted and he felt repulsive and dirty doing these things, he was very serious indeed and in fact cried.

However later on during the evening I tried to lighten the mood, and thats when we enjoyed each others company and had a laugh and cuddle. I'm not saying he is cured, I know that we have a long way to go, but at least he realised that he has a problem and that he is doing everything possible to stay away from it. He said himself that its not going to be easy, but I think its a start..

**ShannonG** · 01-15-2009 04:56 AM

oh by the way, we are in our early 40's too if that makes a difference

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-15-2009 05:19 AM

lol.. Why do people leave the important part out? Like admitting and crying?

And yes, age does I think make a diff being 45, we do know more than say 25 in this regard and have more worldly experience in "how" to beat things.

Good luck...

CW

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