Thread: Need help on how to talk to my exhusband

Hi Sylver,

For other posters I have bought up parts of your original thread so that they understand the whole situation a little bit better.

My husband of over 11 years left out of the blue earlier this week. He was unhappy for the three weeks before but i just thought it was because of work related stress and it being close to Christmas none of his family is around. But he says that he can't stay with me anymore. No talking, no nothing. When I ask him why he says he doesn't know and that he has to figure things out. And yet when I ask him if this is temporary he says he doesn't know that either.

I dont' work, we agreed we wouldn't until our kids were a little older. Now i have three kids and will have nowhere to live in three weeks.

My friend says that i have to stop calling him... go cold turkey.... but I don't know if i have the strength without him. I dont' know what to do at all.

You have to focus on you now. I hope you have stopped driving by and phoning his mobile... He, was selfish as I said in the last post to leave before Christmas...

I can see why you are angry, now the only stress he has is work, other than that, he now has freedom to come and go as he pleases, whilst you try to work out how to move from your Dad's, and get a job and tend to 3 children.

I wouldn't let him speak to the girls, I would make him "see them" if he wants to speak to them, for the time being...

Pick them up and take them somewhere... That way, you don't feel like he has all the say, power firstly and secondly, it gives you a well earned break, why does he think that he can have it all his way? And, thirdly, they see their Dad.

When he picks them up be dressed nicely and whilst the kids get in his car, you get in yours and go... He doesn't need to know where... Rather, you can do it too, you can go out as well.. Even if you go see a friend...

You have to get some rules and foundations happening.. Unfortunately, this guy isn't going to be out of your life until those little ones are old enough to get in their own cars and see him..

My sister (20 year friendship), has 3 children, divorced now from her ex, he left her as well, said there was no one, but he is now engaged to a co-worker, this happened 2 years ago and this girl was there then.

They can not see eye to eye at all... He trys to instill new rules on the children more so to go against the way she is bringing them up and they cry when they get home.

The rift is bad.

She is Australian as well ( off course ) , and finds it hard to date, hard to find a job and is a single mum to 3. They were also married 11 years.

But, she is reading alot of motivational things, applying for jobs, and enjoying her children and trying to ignore him... She still has alot of anger too.

But, she made ground rules at the inset, and stuck to them...

Don't let him win all the way... That is what is getting your goat so much...

Time to make him re-take some responsibility whilst you are working this all out.

Is he contributing for the kids? I know separation needs to be 12 months before Divorce, settlements, custody arrangements, welfare of the children, but he has to still have responsibilities whether he likes it or not.

I should put you two in touch with each other i reckon.. lol..

There are a couple of things in there of advice that she did, and she is enjoying her life, just a few empty spots to fill and unfortunately the constant battle with the ex which is hard to fix...

But there is light at the end of the tunnel....

Start thinking "single" which is hard I know but all the things you missed out on, you can now do...

Get money from him if he is not giving it, for a place to rent.. "for your children" he can't expect you to live with your Dad.. Whilst he lives in the marital home...

And, make him see the kids not phone them, you can have control for the time being, not much he can do about it is there... No Court orders yet.

Take Care.

CW