Addicted to WOW(world of warcraft) marriage falling apart

**MrSaturn** · 02-09-2009 04:46 PM

The game is dangerous. People with little self-control are at risk the most. I've seen college students (from places like Harvard and MIT) drop out because of the game. I've seen people go for months, even years with part-time work only to get a place to rent, eat, and play online.

One reason it's so addicting is because it demands a lot from the player. You probably know the basics already- kill things to gain levels, then kill more things to get better armor/weapons, then kill more things with this armor/weapons to get the best armor/weapons, etc. One problem is to kill some of the monsters, you need to allocate something like 8 hours of playing time in one sitting. And to prepare for those 8 hours, you need to gather components and things on your own, which takes even more time. The reward? A sense of accomplishment, I guess, or the teamwork associated with killing things with 25 other people around the world.

He'll only quit when he realizes:
a) he's going to lose something that's more important to him than the game (I imagine he cherishes you more than some online char)
b) he realizes that an online game is no substitute for real life
c) he realizes that playing games is no way to raise a family, be a role model for your (future?) kids, and that it is basically ruining him

What hobbies did he used to have before he started playing? What did you use to do together? I'm sure there are many couples where someone is playing online games from time to time, but I'd say anything over 25 hrs per week is an addiction, and requires counseling.

I don't know if talking to any of his online gaming friends would help at all... like getting them to tell him, "hey, stop neglecting your wife, this is only a game" or eventually "hey, cut down on your playing or we'll boot you from the guild/group/whatever".

There might be some other reason he's playing... a lack of self-esteem or accomplishment, burned out at work, lack of friends or real life social contacts. But he seriously needs outside help/intervention, for your sake and for his.

**blb80** · 02-09-2009 05:28 PM

Thank you so much for everyone support. I have been completely stressed out trying to decide what to do with my life. I have asked him to limit the usuage on more than one occassion. I have turned off the computer in the middle of his playing(omg that is a huge fight!) I have hidden the mouse,put a password on the computer that only i knew. Nothing works everything ends up being a huge argument and he does not think he is doing anything wrong! I dont think I should have to cancel intranet, b/c i use it to pay bills etc.... this game replaced his smoking habit few years ago......which he started back up anyway! Now he smokes two packs a day,plays wow 96hrs/week and drinks 8-10 mt.dews a day!! He def has addictive personality.......but refuses to try to help himself. I sent him to counseling about a year ago b/c i felt he was depressed and he needed to speak to someone about his problems if he couldnt talk to me. He went and she def said he is depressed(lost his mom when he was 18-now 31) so he really never got past that. Therapist put him on cymbalta.......he did well.........but guess what? He wouldnt take it unless i reminded him or literally gave it to him. I even put it by the computer thinking he would see it and take it with is dew! Not so much!! I seriously think he doesnt care. I just dont want my marriage to fail over a computer game!! I have sat down and talked and cried he cried but nothing sinks into his thick head!! I been telling him Im unhappy for 2yrs and he doesnt want to change or make me happy obviously!! So i just used that words that little told me to use and he looked at me like i was nuts and lol!! Its bad we say like 2 words to each other in a day. O not to mention against my wishes he went an bought a new computer b/c our 3 yr old one would hold the game anymore. I told him maybe that was a sign that he should quit! I told him I was moving out if he got a new computer. I told him I couldnt believe that he would after knowing that its ruining our marriage. well of course I didnt move out but I asked him if he would mind if I go to Vegas with some girls I work with. He said no(obviously no one to harp on him bout the game). So after we booked everything he said that since i spent the money on that he was getting a computer! I told him "Thats great considering you said it was okay and I dont think me taking a few days with friends to Vegas is whats cause our marriage problems"! The computer and WOW has caused our problems!! So lets upgrade!! Yeah so now we have a 19 or 20inch monitor some fancy built tower and oh not to mention surround sound that is louder than our t.v.!! WTH!!

**Little** · 02-09-2009 05:46 PM

I don't think I was clear. I'm extremely susceptible to addiction and WoW didn't snare me. I know the horror stories, watched a classmate in college literally waste away and throw school in the toilet for WoW. But it is indeed just a game and a person's reactions to it are indicative of something MORE.
I can't believe he didn't so much as crack a smile at you using WoW terminology. Your marriage isn't being destroyed by a game. It's being destroyed by a selfish individual who hides behind something that should seem innocuous so that he can feel better about it.
Stay in Vegas. Get out. Pack things up. It won't matter what he thinks when you're ex-Mrs. Lootzalot.

**Moonstone** · 02-09-2009 06:43 PM

You've gotten great advice, namely don't make false threats and go without drama, and for more than 24 hours. He has made it very clear that this game means more to him at this time in his life than you do. The ball is in your court.

**happy ending** · 02-09-2009 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by Moonstone

You've gotten great advice, namely don't make false threats and go without drama, and for more than 24 hours. He has made it very clear that this game means more to him at this time in his life than you do. The ball is in your court.

i agree - you are an enabler, by complaining but not acting you enable him to remain the same. GO he will either miss you and change or stay the same and you know for sure. Use the wasted energy you use on misery and trying to change someone that doesnt want to change to take control of your own life. you say you dont want your marriage to end over a stupid game. but do you really want to be married to a chain smoking, computer potato who has poor hygiene and rotting teeth. show some pride, and get out! stop talking - start acting!

**blb80** · 02-09-2009 07:43 PM

OMG YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!! I have even read to him and asked some of the questions you all have mentioned! The response: He threw his head gear off and said "putting your computer next to mine was the worse mistake he made!!" He is pissed and doesn t want bothered with anything I have to say, its interrupting the gaming time! I dont know any of you but I love all of your advice and your right I need to take action or stop complaining. Yes im enabling him is right...........I guess I dont want to be a failure so to speak. I def need some time to think about what i want to do about this situation. Just so upsetting! After all I guess im 29 and could start over easily. Thanks you guys are great!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2009 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by blb80

OMG YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!! I have even read to him and asked some of the questions you all have mentioned! The response: He threw his head gear off and said "putting your computer next to mine was the worse mistake he made!!" He is pissed and doesn t want bothered with anything I have to say, its interrupting the gaming time! I dont know any of you but I love all of your advice and your right I need to take action or stop complaining. Yes im enabling him is right...........I guess I dont want to be a failure so to speak. I def need some time to think about what i want to do about this situation. Just so upsetting! After all I guess im 29 and could start over easily. Thanks you guys are great!

It's normal to feel that way, I think... I was married... But, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE - He is failing YOU....

You will know in time if you can re-kindle anything or there is / was nothing to re-kindle, true love doesn't just go away because you do.

And, lastly WT? 29? You guess you could? Haha... Try 45 and I did, and it's the best thing I ever did...

CW

**withered_rose** · 02-09-2009 11:07 PM

I would certainly say that starting over would be a good idea, and as far as feeling like a failure, you are certainly not that, you have put forth an effort where as he has not even made an attempt in the last two years. get out while you can, I understand that it can be difficult but if he is going to be paying more attention to an RPG then its not worth your time and effort.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 02-11-2009 08:19 AM

This guy is a loser, get rid of him.

I mean I can get a bit overboard with my time on the computer, but people who would rather live in a lame MMORPG than real life (to the expense of other people) deserve a kick up the arse.

**emt1979** · 02-13-2009 07:04 AM

My ex husband played this game more than 96 hours per week!! Literally! He played it 24/7, he would even carry a desktop computer down 60 plus steps everyday to work so that he could play it in his downtime, as a firefighter... I fussed about it until I was blue in the face, and he never did anything to change... Notice I said he was my EX husband! I am happily engaged at the moment and have forbidden my fiance to even think about playing that game! He wouldn't play it anyway though, he is not a computer geek! YAY!! My sister's husband is a computer geek too, and just got the game a few weeks ago, and ever since he opened the package, he plays it non stop. I already told her to be prepared!

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