Thread: Feeling Heartbroken

How long were you together before getting engaged? I ask because I wonder if he was affectionate toward you previously just because he knew he had to for you to become invested in the relationship... and then as time progressed, he relaxed and became more himself? How does he act toward other people? Is he pretty emotionally distant? What were his past relationships like?

I know you must feel pretty emotionally neglected right now. There is hope in the fact that he noticed something was wrong when you weren't affectionate and that he does tell you that he desires to be cuddled. Hes just got to understand that you also desire to be cuddled and desire the same affection you give.

I am much more affectionate than my boyfriend, I kiss on him and caress and cuddle him just about whenever he is near. He innitiates cuddles semi-regularly but not nearly as much as me, sometimes I crave more, and wish he would be as affectionate as I am. But the thing is, he doesn't mind my affection so I am actually okay with it. Sometimes when one partner is more needy of physical affection a compromise is made somewhere in the middle, I think we have found that in my relationship.

I, too, pull back a little when I notice he isn't he's putting up a little invisible wall. I can sense when he needs more space and try to provide, try not to take it personal and just understand that his needs are a little bit different than mine in that area. When I think about it as a whole I know he provides me with plenty of affection, and when I trully need those hugs and kisses I go in for them and he will give, even if he's tired. So that shows me that he does care for my needs too. Its a give and take and a careful balance.

Some of us just want to touch and be touched by the one we love as much as we possibly can. Some are content with having it only sometimes and like a little more breathing room. That isn't an incombatability, thats just a difference in needs. Him calling you crazy, in his head he probably thinks he is giving you enough because its enough for him, he's got to come to understand how your needs in that area are different and learn to give and take a little more fairly.

My fiance is the same way and it is strange that I have just started to care recently when it has been going on for almost a year...Like you said that you are still affectionate with him, I consider myself to be overly affectionate towards my fiance but he doesn't reciprocate anymore...and if I am lucky, he will try to innitiate something sexual about once a week... I have recently tried not innitiating anything, just to see if he noticed at all, and now it has gone on for two weeks... Why is it men are so comfortable and think that they don't have to make an effort anymore I have no idea! But I can guarentee you they would be missing us if we weren't there! It's strange how it works but hopefully he'll start to understand that in order to recieve he also has to give.

Last night I ended up yelling at him. He left for a little while, but when he came back we talked. He told me he would try harder to be more respectful of my needs. And tonight we made love for the first time in 3 weeks. I told him I would try to be more understanding and try to compromise more.

krscutie - I tried to see how long he could go and that's how I got myself into this mess. We went 3 weeks before this weekend. So, I wouldn't recomend it.

I have also tried to address the situation again with my fiance and he agreed to be more attentive... we'll see how long that lasts for though... LOL

you know when i read your post i literally broke into tears. I don`t think anyone on earth can understand you better than I. Like you we have been married less than a year and even before we got married he started this aweful behaviour.
I have actually ran out of solutions and cannot think of anything else to do.
we tried counselling, i left him 2 times and he promised he would improve and still nothing. we fight badly at least once a month about this and always the same. I am overly affectionate and he just sucks it outa me. and sex, WELL I ALWAYS INITIATE IT.

like you i love him very much but i am at the end of my rope.
for the love of god if you figure out what to do, let me know too because i can`t deal with this man anymore.

Originally Posted by elsa_niloo

you know when i read your post i literally broke into tears. I don`t think anyone on earth can understand you better than I. Like you we have been married less than a year and even before we got married he started this aweful behaviour.
I have actually ran out of solutions and cannot think of anything else to do.
we tried counselling, i left him 2 times and he promised he would improve and still nothing. we fight badly at least once a month about this and always the same. I am overly affectionate and he just sucks it outa me. and sex, WELL I ALWAYS INITIATE IT.

like you i love him very much but i am at the end of my rope.
for the love of god if you figure out what to do, let me know too because i can`t deal with this man anymore.

get down off the cross honey - we need the wood!