Thread: Am I wrong?

I'd have walked out 1st time. Period.

Go out with your friends all night equally as often, equally as late, and let him play parent at home. He seems thick in the head, might give him a clue. Whatever part of him controls his actions it sure isn't the right one.

Unless for a bachelor party (and he hates and avoids those) my man wouldn't think of a club without me. His answer would be "Why bother if you're not there, it would suck and be boring" ?? And aside from a female pre-wed party I feel the same. Both of us are openly allowed to do what we want, but what we want is us. That's why we're together. My girlfriends give me grief (single and married ones) that I don't go out with them at times and leave my guy at home. I'd rather have him with me since I prefer him over them. Othewise I'd be living alone or with single female friends. . And though he would never admit it or say a word, he'd be scared if I went out with them. Scared some guy would take me from him forever (fear, not jealousy, and impossible for anyone to take me from him) and also scared for my safety. In places like clubs at 3 in the morning, he wants to be there to protect me. He's the old fashioned "Knight" type who thinks every guy will attack his damsel in the parking lot if he can't protect me. He's out of date, but has a lot more normal brain paths for someone in a relationship that the ones you're being shown.

Yours is acting like he's just out of high school. Tell him to grow up and pick his priority. I expect WAY better treatment and consideration if a guy wants to be with me.

If I went somewhere and didn't come home till 7 AM, my guy would already have the police, the FBI, and a helicopter looking for me out of fear I was dead, kidnapped, or injured. I'd do the same. In your relationship and situation, what he is doing is neither right or acceptable. Period. And it opens the door for other problems.

You seem like a nice lady, but am amazed that in 2009 so many women put up with similar (or worse) from men like it was the 1950s.

I feel the same way you do. We should do things together and right now if I can't go clubbing cause I'm pregnant find something else to do. He should deal with it until I am physically capable of going out again. I trusted him and said it was okay to go and now I'm in a situation where nothing can help unless I leave which is not an option, I am not the type to get up and go live with my family for awhile with a toddler and a baby on the way plus I love him or I have to suck it up and let him do what he wants. I just hope one day he will change. Like I have said all morning today is our anniversary and this is how we are celebrating not talking to one another. I have decided I am going to let all of our close friends know my side of the story. All the couples and single guys around us. We have this reputation that my husband is the most successful and we have a perfect marriage but I'm not keeping quiet anymore. Maybe he may get embarrassed or maybe they can talk some sense into him. This is a sad situation

my douche bag ex used to do this, I trusted him, but was hurt he never wanted me to come, when we used to go out together witha group of friends all the time. A few times he'd let me come and would just make me be the DD, which would then cause fights as I was pissed I always had to be the driver. I just wanted him to understand that it would be nice to invite me every now and then. I also always offered to pick them up 'cause he'd go back to a friends house instead of comming all the way home (they'd always go to the other side of town) and he'd always refuse. Unfortunatly my husband (soon to be ex) now has a girlfriend who he insisted was just a friend for a LONG time, so I don't think I can really be of much help. I do however feel your pain.

sorry to hear about what happen to you. But I can only hope nothing like that will happen to us. He wants me to come 95% of the time but for now I can't. We actually have fun together. But for now it's hard and it's sad that a smart educated man can't take care of his wife during her tough times.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.... going through all this stress, heartache and tears definitely is not good for the healthy development of your baby.

You do seem to be very protective of your husband... hence why you're venting here and not to anyone else in your life, right? You mentioned that your parents would make a huge deal out of it if you told them - do they approve of him in general? Have there been issues in the past that they know about/were involved in that would make them dislike him and not be understanding or sympathetic? OR, do you have some things in your past that would make you not want to reveal any relationship issues for fear of being judged negatively...? Sorry if I'm taking wild stabs in the dark here; I'm just curious as to where this fierce protection is stemming from.

I understand what it's like to want to protect your relationship from the rest of the world... my family has either thinly disguised dislike or open disapproval for my relationship with my bf - not from anything personal; they hardly know him - it stems from racism and ignorance. So although nothing drastic or terrible has happened between me and my bf, I am still very, VERY careful to never say anything negative about him to my family. I know if I do, it'll be horrifically twisted out of context and quickly dismissed with an "I told you so" attitude. They certainly would never try to help me see the positive side or point out that I may be wrong or overreacting.... They certainly seem to quickly forget the countless good things he's done for me.

So, I do understand the desire to protect your relationship at all costs. Yet I have a very good reason underlying my protection, so I'm wondering where yours is coming from, as it seems likely there is a real reason for it.

Oh honey I truly feel for you. I wouldn't go back the to first years of marriage if someone paid me. When both of my kids were babies, my husband ran the town...out drinking with his buddies till all hours of the night. We had some knock down drag out fights and I almost lost my marriage because of it. I think that men, much more than women, feel that they have lost something by getting married. So they go out and act like teenagers for a while longer than us. He'll grow out of it...just like someone else said..as soon as he realizes that he's too old for clubbing. Men mature alot slower than we do...basically because we have to grow up first or else no one would be there to take care of the babies. Act like you don't care and he'll come around alot sooner....if you keep geting angry and lashing out at him it will just bring out his rebelious teenager inside and he'll keep doing it out of spite. Try it for a couple of weeks....when he gets home, instead of griping at him or crying about it...ask him if he had a good time. Kiss him and tell him you're glad he's home...and see if it doesn't change his attitude. Good Luck....I'm sure that most of us have dealt with a similar situation...especially those of us who married young.

He's being selfish. And to me, the bottom line is that his behavior is unacceptable. Clearly, it takes two to get pregnant. You should not just become the "pregnant lady that can't have fun" because you're pregnant with YOUR ALL's child. It's like this, if you two loved to play golf together, and he lost his arm in an accident and could no longer play. You might go out and play some golf sometimes, yeah, but are you going to leave him at home night after night while you go play? Nope...not likely. What's more likely is that you would start planning other things that you BOTH could enjoy. Anything else is selfish.

His behavior is not only selfish but immature. But why not? He knows he can do as he pleases, and honestly, the punishment (having the bed to himself?) is not severe enough to outweigh the "fun" he's having when he goes out. So to him...it's worth it.

Maybe a simple comparison, but think of it like this. When I'm at home with my dog, she'd do ANYTHING to get a treat. I can say sit lay jump spin woof whatever, and she'll do it. Because she makes a choice, do I want treat, or do I want to continue lying on this couch as I do every single day? TREAT! Okay, but if we're at the dog park where she can run free, sniff, play with other dogs without restriction from me.....and I hold up a treat for her and tell her to come to me, I'll see her look.....and know she's thinking to herself "Treat..........or RUN FREE?......." and at that point she turns away from me and runs off, treatless. She makes a CHOICE! And your husband is making a CHOICE.

Alot of couples I know plan 1 night a week or even 1 night a month for a girls night, or a guys night. Guys go do their thing, girls go do their thing. Not to say that it NEVER happens on other nights, but that's usually all it takes to satisfy that wild urge. Then ,the rest of the time while not working, is for husband/wife/kids.

Treating your feelings with disregard, putting his feelings first......is unacceptable in my eyes, regardless of how you look at it. It's unfortunate you're going through this while pregnant. But put your foot down in a nice way......work out a compromise. And start going out yourself.....even if it's just to a cafe with a friend.