Thread: 4 months with no sex..

Daisee, it sounds like you have some deep-rooted issues with guilt and sex, and you really might want to talk to someone more caring than your doctor, a sex therapist or any psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor would be much more able to help you delve into what is causing you feel so guilty about sex that you aren't allowing yourself to experience the pleasure you can derrive from it.

Is it just the act of penetration that bothers you or any sexual acts in general? Are you comfortable 'giving' him pleasure in other ways, oral etc? He loves you, that much is obvious. But for your own sake and all the good feelings you DESERVE and for his sake and all the good feelings HE deserves you are right to seek out treatment for this emotional block and try to get on with a normal healthy sex life with your husband.

You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do of course, that won't make either of you happy, 1. you wouldn't enjoy it and probably resent him for it and 2. He wouldn't enjoy it knowing its something you are viewing as a chore alone and despise. On the other hand while he may be accepting of your lack of desire/guilt now, if he is a sexual being as most are... he too can grow to resent the fact that he can't share in that kind of display of his love for you, and you for him.

Counseling may be about the best option you have right now, don't put this in closet and hope it heals itself over time or that the both of you just get used to a marriage without passion. Not fair to either of you. You each deserve the rewards your commitment to each other have in store for you.

I know what you mean, they will likely probe for some kind of history of abuse, sexual, physical or emotional. Some kind of memory or experience that would lead you to thinking badly of sex (relgious influences, someone scolding you for masturbating etc etc)

Your second post however leads me to think that its more than just an emotional block, you mention pain, discomfort and lack of pleasure as reasons you don't like to do and thats a totally different ball game than just mentally not able to do it. If you could learn to make it feel good physically with no pain would it be something you'd enjoy more?

If you are nervous you are likely tightening up your muscles making it more uncomfortable also if you aren't turned on its likely you aren't lubricating again that can lead to pain. Do you experience pleasure alone ever through masturbation? Have you ever experienced an orgasm?

If its more about the sex not feeling good, this might be much easier for you to get a handle on than you think. There are plenty of tips and tricks and aids such as lubricants and vibrators and all sorts of things to get you to have more of an interest in sex.

Well daisee the good news is that you can have an orgasm. Real good news, a lot of women that come to these forums can't have them at all even through self-pleasuring. Your plumbing sounds fine it sounds like you are having a difficult time getting to the mental arrousal state that triggers all the physical sensations in the first place. Sex starts in the mind, if you are not turned on in your head even the best licking and rubbing in the world might not get you there. You have to be into it.

I spend a little more quality time alone in the shower, in your bed, wherever you are most comfortable, exploring your own body and the ways that feel good to be touched.. explore your fantasies and the things that turn you on enough to bring you to orgasm. One you have a good feel for physically and mentally what takes you there you can start introducing your husband to things he can do to help you along. He will be so happy to try anything that pleases you, you should not feel embarassed at all.. hes your husband and it would bring him great pleasure to give you pleasure. He just is missing the directions, know what I mean?

Its hard for a man to figure out how to please a woman, even when they think they know it all, every woman is different and has different needs in order to achieve an orgasm. Most guys will do backflips in bed if thats what it takes so don't be afraid to ask him to try new things with you. You are married, woman! This man has committed to you forever and ever, you can feel safe and secure and loved and get down to working on how to add to that love, with passion!

It might be a good idea to involve your husband in the counseling if you decide to go, too. That way he can help you through the process by supporting you, and the counselor could tell him other ways to help you. I know what you're going through. I went through the same thing because of my upbringing.