Thread: Help me deal with future in laws before i end a relationship...

In-laws... the timeless issue. My family makes half attempts to disguise their dislike and disapproval for my bf (stemming from ignorant racism), and his response is simply that he doesn't go. No matter how polite they promise they'll be, he won't go. Why should he have to really, they're my family, not his. I agree with his tactic - by avoiding being around them he also avoids any potential arguments and disasters and doesn't give them anything to complain about (except that he's not there, lol). If you really care about your bf, I'd suggest doing the same. As long as they are giving you a hard time and he isn't willing to stand up for you, then you just don't go with him when they're around. I also agree with him that they are his parents and they are his priority, and if you all don't get along then you all just don't have to be around each other if it can be helped. Just a thought!

Hi nowwhat?

I don't quite understand the situation here. The only thing you say is they make you feel inferior - What is it they are doing? Do they make mean jokes at your expense? Do they talk down to you? Ignore you? Go on about how his last girlfriend was a better thing? Maybe if you tell us what it is they are doing that is so upsetting we could have a few specific ideas on how to deal with it. Maybe it is something they don't realise they are doing and you need to talk to them.

You say your bf is defending them. In what way? Does he say shut up and take it? Does he say they are right? Does he think it is not that serious?

I agree that spending the one day you have together with his family who are not making you feel good is going to be difficult for you. You either need to sort this thing with his family or ask him that at least every second week you and he get a significant chunk of alone time. Without knowing more about the situation I still think that if he's properly serious about you and him then he needs to show that you are as important to him as his family. If that means sacrificing time with them to give you what you need then that's what he needs to do.

Don't fight with him. Just tell him calmly that this is not something you want but is something you need. Give him time to think about it. Don't tell him what to do, or how to accomplish it, just tell him what you need.

You deserve to have your needs met.