Thanks Hopeless.. You made it so clear for me to understand. especially the part where it's like taking a toy from a child.. LOL.. now that made it clear.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning"
I think it is often a control issue. Some men feel their SOs do not have a right to tell them what they can and can not watch. It could be seem as similar to a man telling his SO that she is not allowed to wear lipstick.
Based on prior experience though, discussions on porn rarely go anywhere.
My bf looks at a lot of porn. At first I hated it, always asking him why he had to look at it so much, always getting upset with him. Eventually I got over it. If he is looking at it I'll just go into the other room. It doesn't effect our sex life so I don't let it bother me. Though my bf has a different kind of problem which I have heard other guys have too. My bf used to cheat on his past gfs and he has told me that if he looks at porn it keeps him from cheating, so in that sense I'd rather him do that than go out and sleep with some girl. But eventually I think he might need help, he has told me he hates it and wishes he wasn't like that. So maybe your husband just needs some help getting over an addiction, maybe just calmly ask him one day if its something that he really doesn't like doing and feels that he needs help to get over. Good luck with everything!
I agree, although it probably depends on the source of the objection. If the problem is porn replacing sex between partners that is a somewhat different situation than if the woman simple cannot tollerate the man having any sort of arousal not associated with her.Originally Posted by rcoreyus
I flip flop with the wind on how I feel about porn. Sometimes I am cool as a cucumber about it, and don't take it personal and handle the fact my bf likes it like a champ. Other times I feel like saying - k fine you like that so much why don't we just let your monitor give you your blow jobs from here on out.
Then I cool down, realise I am being pretty insecure and lame about it and let it go ... til I am faced with it again.. then lather rinse repeat I go through those ranges of emotions again. Mind you, this all happens in my head.. I never bother him with how I feel about it because I know it doesnt make the least bit of difference - it just doesn't.
If he didn't want to look at it, he wouldn't. If I was enough for his needs, I would be.. and there would be no interest. Fact is, he wants to look it, other fact is - I am incapable of filling some sexual hole that porn does. So hmmm ladies.. what are the options, really?
Telling them, hey am I not enough for you? Pfft. What guy is going to give an honest answer to that one. If you're not, what kind of donkey's behind is going to come right out and say it.
I keep telling myself its a guy thing, I keep telling myself it has zero to do with me not being enough and I keep reminding myself that I occasionally like to look at porn too.. and to not be a hypocrite. But what can I say.. I'm human and sometimes.. it just makes me feel ugly and not good enough. But again, thats because I think of it that way.. I can choose to think of it how I want.
Most times I choose just to not think of it at all, we can't own every thought or fantasy our men have and good grief I don't even want to. I am not the bee's knees.. the women he looks at in porn ARE hotter than me, to say honey do you want them more than me?? Well, duh.. of course he does lol. I'd be kidding myself into denial if I believed otherwise.
I imagine most men would, hot 21 year old? Plain jane gf ? Oh decisions decisions...I think I have a good personality. I hope I do. I hope that somewhere deep down guys would pick long term happiness with a woman that adores them and does everything to make them smile over hot 21 year old. But eh, given the opportunity.. all things being equal I think he'd trade up.
Or maybe I am just having a c r appy day.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Quite recent research that monitors brain response has found that women respond to porn and other visual images much the same as men do but we've literally been trained out having a physical response.
Someone near and dear explained to me that (at least for him) looking at women is like looking at art. Some don't appeal at all, some are mildly interesting, some facinating but just for looking. He no more expects or wants to form a relationship than you expect to go live in a painting.
Porn seems (I know this doesn't apply to all men) to be an extention of that. Part of it is assisted fantasy. Men who have a true problem are like alcoholics who can't have just an occasional drink, but for the vast majority it isn't really a problem. I get kind of a kick out of it when I walk in the door and he says, I got something you have to see and starts some sequence showing a technique for a hand job or blow job. He knows I'm always open to learning and he is a willing, even eager, test subject. LOL.
I don't think it's a matter of not being enough for a man's needs...I see it as a way that he, in a manner of speaking, keeps it juicy. I'd much rather he's looking at porn than out prowling the streets or frustrated. If we were living in the same household I'd be offering to give him a hand or something else while he's watching it. But I know even then there would be times he just wants spend a little time on his own and that's fine.
Agree completely.
Oh I sure do know how you feel! I posted a reply to another similar thread as I'm sure several others have. Under the same topic, a few rows down--"breakup over porn addiction." Might want to see other replies there too.
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