Oh my goodness. I am in the exact same boat that you are. I have all the same feelings and know what I should do. It is so hard. For now I'm waiting it out, I know things will either improve or I will get to a point that I can't take it anymore and leave. I know I'll be miserable in the mean time, but I know I'll probably be stronger in the end. I agree with everyone posting about talking to family and friends and getting help moving out. But what I can really say since I'm in the same situation, is know that you aren't alone. Hugs.
No I haven't left yet, still trying to make it work...Like I said before, I love him dearly and am willing to do whatever it takes to make my marriage work. Lately things have been pretty good, but I guess we'll see the next time he gets upset about something. Im trying my best to stick it out at least until I get a job and can stand on my own 2 feet when we break up. I soo dont want to move in with my mother. We haven't always had the best family relationship and some things that were said and done in the past still hurts at times. I kinda feel like Ill be leaving 1 bad situation to go to another where if I dont want to do what she wants me to do then she'll tell me to leave.. (because she has done it before).I really do appreciate all of your advice...So for now Im just praying that I get a job and can save money, so that when and if it comes down to us separating, I can hold my own. Again, thanks for all of your support, and it did help me to come to this conclusion. Because of your suggestions I was able to way all of my options and figure out a plan for myself...
What is it about him that you love so dearly? Are you clinging to the memories of what he used to be? Or what you think he used to be? Or what you think he could be if you only had a job? Have you sat down and made a list of all the reasons you should stay married to someone who is mean to you?
Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard.
Women are so different than men. We are so passionate, deep, loving, loyal and unbeknownst to us, STONG! We can do so much more than we give ourselves credit for. Too often we settle down for what we think our hearts are telling us. Too often do we suffer from our own insecurities. When we know what is right, when we know how to be true to ourselves, we choose to ignore the deep intuitions. It's just insecurities. For whatever our reasons are, we succumb to our doubt in ourselves-and the outcome is, we loose. We are cheated out of happiness. We miss out on opportunities to be happy. Think of something bigger than yourself. Think of problems in Africa. That will humbly get you out of your misery. Then think of what you could do right now. Think of the possibilities of happiness. Imagine a perfect world and what you would be doing in that world. You 'husband' is not part of that happy world. He has his own issues, and the truth is, he is a human being too with his own insecurities and his own side of the story. He has demons in his head. But that is not for you to worry about. You need to protect yourself.
You have to get up and help yourself. You were a strong working successful woman. You still are! He is a rock that is on top of you and crushing who you are. You must get him off of you and walk out.
For one, stop making his dinners! Get out and do things. Make friends locally. Go out for a coffee. Walk around the mall. Be comfortable in your own skin. Go watch a movie alone. Just find little things that make you smile. FORGET your poblems for a minute so you can get a tiny bit of relief from them.
By going out you can make contacts and even network for jobs. You are not dead. You need friends and laughter. Even if you had a perfect marriage, you would still need that. Now more than ever you need to get out and socialize. Look into your local "Meetup" groups. There are great groups everywhere. Women support groups in ever city almost.
I wish you the best. I know if you look into your heart and decide to be true to your true self, you will find the courage deep in your heart to see what the right thing to do is.
Well i must say im in the same situation but i have a daughter so thats makes it even harder. I am about to be married for four years and this has been going on for about seven since we started dating but like most women i thought things would change but they havent. Today he got mad and started telling me to leave with my daughter but that is soo hard to do. I am currently not working im staying home taking care of my daughter and my niece and i dont have any money so it makes it even harder. I think if it was just me i would just get my things and go but my daughter makes me think it twice. I know i can make it out on my own i am very hard working when i work but the situation is soo bad right now that its just too much. I guess ill get the courage some day.
I was a stay at home mom. I did small jobs here and there to earn extra cash for my family. My husband worked hard to provide for us so i could stay home. I also lost myself in my family. As the kids grew older things got tough between me and my husband. My kids left the nest and after about 20 yrs of marraige it looked like my husband was going to leave to. I found myself alone, older, and without current marketable skills. I felt abandoned, afraid, and dumped. When i looked in the mirror i was nothing. I had given me and now nothing was left. I was angry with my husband for the hurt and with myself for not taking care of me. i found a job in a box store, with computers as cash registers. The computers and woking in this kind of enviorment was incredabibaly hard for me to learn. I found myself having a hard time fitting in. Then someone told me i deserved to be cherrished and loved. So I started to cherrisng and loving me. Since then my self esteem has grown, and I dont beat myself up as much. I make a mistake its okay, It has taken me a long time to build confidence. A long time to find me. I dont have any advice for you except, cherrish and love you. Dont loose who you r, and everything will be okay, what ever okay is, and you will find strength you thought you never had.
my husband and ihave made it to 25 years. These nxt years will be different. I know who i am.
I have a question, what your parents marital relationship like? what was your dad like? how did he treat you? was he even in the picture? was your mom strong emotional? did your mom support the family by herself? did she support the family with your dad?
you are insecure, you don't love him, you love the way he treats you which is why you can't leave. you have drama in your life that you're attracted to. if you leave, you will be bored. but unfortunately, time will be the only thing you will have going for you. you are not ready to leave, and the day you leave, is the day you will not look back. and that could take months or years. If I were you, I would anull the marriage now, and just live with him. so when you do leave, he can't ask for anything, or take anything from you. Because legally, you are no longer husband and wife. So, you can infact, take him to court for your belonging. Maybe he married you because you provided him luxury. were you the breadwinner? did you make more money than him? did you buy him all the gifts and pay for dinner? or did he expect you to pay for half? it seems like, he didn't spoil you the way a man is supposed to spoil the woman he loves.
Please don't be offended by my questions, but these are some of the reasons why a man acts the way he acts. He must have been taking advantage of you prior to marriage, and even till now. But now that you can't pay the bills, he no longer needs you. And he may have already moved on. But, you need to clarify these questions in your mind, and with us if you feel comfortable enough to do so.
B0sslady704, I've found one simple question tends to answer whether the person you are with is good for you... "Have you grown while with your significant other?"
When with the right person, you can easily see the positive impact... on your attitude, accomplishments, overcoming fears, the list goes on and on.
I'd say he is definitely not helping you grow, rather, he is sucking you dry. The best thing you can do is get back to supportive, positive people in your life and re-evaluate your decision.
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