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Thread: porn issues

  1. 04-10-2009 01:02 PM #1
    OlikTver
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    Hi, I need advice from more experienced people. Me and my husband have been married for several months, but we had been living together for almost 2 years now. When I first met him I didn't think about porn at all - I mean that it wasn't an issue for me - I knew that a lot of guys watch it and it's no big deal, but after falling completely and totally in love with him I have changed my opinion. I told him that I'm not OK with him lusting over other women, I got jealous even from just thinking of him masturbating to those images... He promised to never watch it again. Than I found out that he's been hiding behind my back. Now I don't know what to think - I mean I told him how much it hurts me when he does it - but he still didn't stop. The good thing is that he admitted to it - he doesn't like to lie and all his lies usually come out eventually. He said he feels bad about it and that he loves me and everything.

    I just want to understand why would a man in a committed relationship - even the nicest guy in the whole world - the guy who loves you dearly, the guy who would never betray you - still watches porn - and even if their woman is beautiful and will do everything in bed for them??

    I really don't think that he has an addiction or anything like that - he doesn't watch anything perverted either - it's just the fact that he wants to look at those other women drives me crazy!!!!! I think it's natural to be a little jealous in that situation.

    Sorry for such a long story, but my final question is: do you think that it's true what men say about watching porn that it has nothing to do with wanting to sleep with other women - and that it's just about a simple way to get off when they are stressed?
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  2. 04-10-2009 03:03 PM #2
    Hopeless Dork
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    I sometimes think that we should all take about penis watching hobby, just look at penis all day to relieve stress, have nothing but penis sites in our history browsers when the fellas log on to the pc... penis penis penis everywhere. Hot guys with their shirts off saved to desktop... to relieve our stress and masturbate too as necessary. Maybe then and only then would they even have the slightest idea why some women find it at the least mildly annoying.

    But I realize that was a rant and not helpful lol. Sorry. He watched it before you, with you, he would watch it after you left if you did, and would with the next woman if she was carmen elektra, he'd still watch it. Why? I have no idea.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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  3. 04-10-2009 03:55 PM #3
    WildChild
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    I still don't get what the big deal is. Do you get upset when he watches a movie? It's fantasy, it's entertainment and unless he does have a problem, he knows it's not real. Unless he is addicted (spending a lot, keeping him from work, interfering with your sex life) you'll both be happier if you can just leave it alone and be accepting.

    A thought that popped into to my mind just now; do you put on make up and make sure you look good or at least OK before you leave the house? Why are you making yourself look good? Do you expect him to object? It would be as reasonable, maybe more so, than your objection to porn. After all those women aren't anyone he's going to run into! Who knows who you'll meet in the grocery or at work?

    If he objected, you'd think he was being a bit over the top wouldn't you? You are objecting to him looking an actress!
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  4. 04-10-2009 07:01 PM #4
    Hopeless Dork
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    I know that I personally have completely hypocritical views on it. And I know that most hinge on my very own low self-esteem that rears its ugly head now and again.

    I still think though, to women that are upset to find oodles of porn their SO's browser, they should load it up with monster penis websites so that you can both give each other cross glances across the dinner table lol
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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  5. 04-10-2009 07:04 PM #5
    Hopeless Dork
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    Just wanted to add.. that I don't think a lot of men could handle that as much. If they were horny all the time, and you wouldnt give them sex when they are waiting in the next room but instead sit and browse naked men to rub yourself to.. I dont think as many men could tolerate that as the amount of women that come here do. Their ego's couldnt take that.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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  6. 04-10-2009 07:06 PM #6
    WildChild
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    It wouldn't be very 'nice' but you could try watching with him and making comments on how great this guy or that is? Of course most of them are pretty unattractive but so are quite a few of the women, they mostly look completely detatched and uninterested. I never worry about it, I'm the real deal, if he wants to go elsewhere I won't be alone any longer than I chose to be. But he's the one I want and he knows it.
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  7. 04-10-2009 10:04 PM #7
    withered_rose
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    I have told my SO that if he wants to watch porn its his prerogative but he chooses not to and that is just fine with me. We all have different wants and needs and maybe the porn is a way to satisfy that fantasy. You are a real woman and I think that you should maybe try and make a little something of your own, maybe for him to watch at a later time? it really depends on your comfort level. I can understand where you are coming from with the jealousy who wants to see their man lusting after other women but it will never be women that he will run into, if it were then you may have a problem on your hands but since its porn from pornland lol its not really a big deal. i guess you just need to be comfortable with the fact that men get bored so they watch porn and masturbate, its also a really great stress reliever. its really all up to you and what you are comfortable with. I wish you luck
    Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes and then that way if they get angry they will be a mile away and barefoot
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  8. 04-11-2009 12:00 PM #8
    OlikTver
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    Thank you all for your answers - I feel a little bit better now. I thought a lot about this issue lately and decided not to let it spoil my mood and my life. Although my husband promised once again not to watch porn, I don't even care anymore - at least I will try not to care...

    It's just that sometimes it's hard to tell a person's reason for porn watching, I mean some people just watch it to get off, to relax from stress - but some guys turn it into obsession and start comparing their wives and girlfriends to the girls in porn ect. So, I really hope that my husband isn't one of those guys... But how can I know that for sure, right?
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  9. 04-11-2009 05:28 PM #9
    anonymouswhitefemale
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    Quote Originally Posted by OlikTver View Post
    Although my husband promised once again not to watch porn
    Lie.



    Anyway, get over it. WC makes a good point about make-up. When you wear it are you out there to get more ? Does it matter?

    All men will watch porn always. Those who don't are probably deranged in one way or another (religion etc). Stop projecting you're insecurities onto men, we are collectively sick of it.
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  10. 04-11-2009 11:17 PM #10
    OlikTver
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale View Post
    Lie.



    Anyway, get over it. WC makes a good point about make-up. When you wear it are you out there to get more ? Does it matter?

    All men will watch porn always. Those who don't are probably deranged in one way or another (religion etc). Stop projecting you're insecurities onto men, we are collectively sick of it.
    Well, and we are collectively sick you you being pigs, thanks for the advice anyway... LOL
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