I agree with you Beautiful Disaster that one who has nothing to hide, hides nothing to a certain extent. However, we don't know the true intention of why he's hiding certain things from Butterflyz - perhaps he's not communicating fully because he's afraid of her reaction... because he thinks she won't be open to what he has to say...? I'm not saying that's the case but just exploring possibilities. He may feel forced into the situation of 'hiding', whether it be something in his own mind or an actual reality.
Further, I don't think it's really wise to reveal everything about ourselves to others, even to those close to us... a wise philosopher once said that we should be careful what we reveal to others because our best friends could one day become our worst enemies.
KMS, while I do agree that philosopher was wise....I think when you're talking about the person you're about to marry, it's a bit of a different story and even more so when you have kids involved.
I think the point I was trying to make is that what is important is how his actions are making her feel. Not necessarily why he's doing what he's doing.....
Beautiful Disaster is completely right!
How many hats is this guy wearing?
This guy needs to put more effort into your relationship and talking and sharing with you with what's going on. He seems to be more "in tune" with his ex's feelings than yours.
If he did actually have an affair with you, then this ex could be throwing this in his face and he could be controlled by guilt. He might feel that he has done something wrong and now is trying to make what he can right. It can also get very touchy if his family is still having a relationship with his ex. This only makes it hard for you because now everyone has some sort of interaction with this ex.....except you. I don't see where the ex needs to be involved with them at all. If they do feel that the ex needs to be involved then you are going to have to be included also for this to work, not shut out. What doesn't he understand about this? It's almost like you are being the one punished. How much power can this ex have?
Does his daughter know and feel that he is commited to you? Sometimes reading how a child feels and acts while in your company can tell alot too. Your man should be showing you respect and love when his daughter is around to help her realize that you are in his life now. Is there any signs that the daughter thinks this is just a temporay arrangement and treats you like the outsider? I'm just wondering because this unusual behaviour from him might just rub off on the daughter. You cannot be put in a box and taken out at their convenience.
Just had another thought....you mentioned that you chat to his 16 year old's son's mother. Would you be confortable chatting about his ex with her? Maybe she could shed some light on this ex for you? (just a thought...)
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 05-10-2009 at 04:38 AM. Reason: merge posts
Be great if you let us know what happened from today.... Happy Mother's Day as well..
You are his "third" relationship with children.... His family are still part of the second... Maybe he needs time, at least he started the communication and I hope it's all good and not bad for you.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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