Not marriage material
I love my man to death, but we are far from marriage material. We fight all the time, he would rather be in the bars than here at home, and when I call him people are in the background talking about bootycall. I am so in fed up with this . For the last 8 years of my life all I wanted was a committed real relationship and I thought I found someone that wanted the same but it has changed since we first were together. Why did he tell me all that stuff in the beginning. Why did he lead me on to think I was good enough to commit his life too. Now we are here, living together, kids, and he still lives life like a bachelor.
Id like to ask a few questions if thats ok what is it that you fight over? Sometimes that makes the difference has something changed that has made him go out more or is it maybe just needing his time as well, sometimes its a fine balance between your own time and time together maybe asking if you can sit down and talk about things and explain how you feel and tell him your not blaming anyone your not accusing anyone of anything this is just how I feel?? I really dont know what else to say,,,,
Finished venting beautiful?
Okay, so, he is frequenting them more now?
There's a lot going on with your lives, if I recall, you both work, he is working super late and hard, and in "hospitality?".
I come from that industry, and I know you finish late, are tired as, and all of you usually go out after, to un-wind, guess going home to the Mrs and kids, is not really unwinding persay.
Also, he didn't mind you going to the Casino and a male stripper but you did, someting like that... You felt it was wrong.
Men are always batchelors, but there are other keys to keep them as your "happy" partner, both ways not just for him but for you.
I don't know why he likes strip clubs, he has stated before that he doesn't care for lap dances, but it could be "pier pressure" from mates in hospitality and a definate way to un-wind for him, with a few drinks.
And, sorry maybe, he is missing a few things in the bedroom , meaning, lust, you have love but do you have lust?
Do you put the kids to bed and spice things up?
Have you lost the 19 year old that met him?
Are you "settled" and feel content just being a mum and "almost wife"..
Ask yourself seriously those questions.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
To answer the questions:
He is a Sous Chef. I get the hours are hectic and it seems most people that work in that industry are party, party, get drinks after work. I can't use that as an excuse for him. I used to work for a law firm and there were jokes that our law firm was know for people having "affairs" (cause it went on all the time). That didn't make me decide to have an affair. If he wanted that go out, free style, work hard then go out, come to work, kick it, go home sleep then he should not of committed his self to me and should not of had kids. Of course things have changed since we first were together, but its like they have only changed for me. Almost every parent (every active parent) knows that life calms down ALOT once you have kids.
I understand the "lust" question. We still have great passionate sex and talk passionate, have foreplay so I believe the lust is still there. Although, I question if he is attracted to me, my confidence comes from myself and knowing I am beautiful, but also from the next man checking me out or complimenting me, that's how I know I haven't lost my groove.
It really doesn't matter anymore how I feel. I talk to him and he turns OFF, I guess we are both tired of arguing since thats all we do.
Blondie80 asks what we argue about. We argue about everything from, I said the wrong thing, he said the wrong thing, he can't come home at a decent time, he had to wait for me (after work) longer than he anticipated (that is due to one car, since he totalled our other one on one of his late night, I am so cool adventures). I would have to update you day to day on the things we argue about cause it varies from day to day.
I miss having control of my own smiles, ya know. Even on those days when I was having a bad one, I had control over it. Now no matter what I have in mind for my day, if he gets pissy then he has a crappy attitude and it's hard to keep strive for a good day when he is being pissy.
My life just sucks and he would rather have a sucky life than break up, me on the other hand feels differently. I believe because it effects me more than him. He still does what suits him, while I sit at the house depressed with the kids.
Man my life sucks...I can't say it enough
maybe time apart is what the 2 of you need, especially you..he may want the charade to continue for the sake of the kids, but i have seen relationships strengthen during time apart..time to re-evaluate things..kids are more resiliant they we give them credit for..it may bring a peace to them that they don't have when mommy and daddy are fighting..if you want time apart as you say, go for it..he of course will try to talk you out of it, but be steadfast and don't give your ground..p.s. if you do leave have a plan in place before approaching the subject..good luck "T2P"
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
The fighting must be hard. It really is just tearing you both down. So he gets upsets and upsets the whole household with his bad attitude. In turn you walk around with a frown. Creating a darker more depressed atmoshpere. Your smile probalby lights up the place. You and your bf need to find a different way to express your feelings. It can't be a constant fight that is not good for either of your health.
I know the lil things are the fuel for the larger issues. The small fights have to be cleared out so the bigger issues can be resolved. Neither of you guys can live the rest of your life like this. Some issues have to be fought thru in life on some level but, not every lil detail should be a fight.
so sorry you must be so stressed out.
You seem like a very smart woman and very supportive. It seems in most cases a guy wants his cake and wants to eat it too. If you aren't going to leave him, then find things that bring you joy and happiness without him. Whether it's taking up classes or going to the gym. A change in your everyday life will do you some good. Maybe once he notices other thing fulfilling your life he will get his act together. I really hope this helps.
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