Curious to know if anyone else is in the same boat

**amy_ross1976** · 05-19-2009 03:31 PM

I have been married for 7 years together for 10 to a man that is a good person, he has always been faithful and for the last 7 years a good provider. We have three children, one that is ours. My children see the favortisim with the son that is ours. My husband fusses more than he talks and feels like his only responsibility in our household is to bring home a paycheck and cut the grass. We both work full time jobs (although mine is a desk job) however my job starts when my feet hit the floor wether it is going to work or cleaning, getting kids off and making meals. I also am responsible for finances, as in paying bills and grocery shopping. My husband and I rarely go anywhere together. Many people where I live that know me and my husband ask why I am always alone places.

After many conversations and trying to say things without an attitude or when he is in a decent mood I am at the end of my rope. Might I mention that there is no one on one time with the kids. He is just that a provider. No romance, no companionship. I feel like I am alone, living in the same home but all in all alone.

**sourpuss** · 05-19-2009 04:46 PM

I did that for 6 years with my ex. We live in a fairly small town and after we broke up everyone kept saying "I didn't even know you had a boyfriend." 6 years and not too many people other than my close circle of friends knew I had a boyfriend. Wow.

Unfortunately, I don't think that is something you can change about your husband. You're married and there are kids, so that makes the situation more complicated. I would suggest couple's counseling, if he won't go with you, go by yourself. Hopefully he will be open to going.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-19-2009 05:21 PM

I think alot of Marriages are in the same boat.

It's only a case of whether you can express how you feel and work towards changes or, not, that it will survive.

Your husband could have been the type of person who was simply bought up, work, pay the bills, have children, lay on the couch relax, that's it... He has no comprehension that without romance and laughter, and intimacy, the Marriage falters as you feel like your just a housemaid, or room mate...

You have to let him see where this is heading in the future, because we can't live in a "loveless marriage"...

They were words I spoke to my ex-husband, however, I said " I won't live in a loveless marriage"... Note the word ex, and that was 7 years as well, same thing.

You could try also purchasing a book about Marriage and leaving it open on a page that you can relate to, so that he can see...

There is nothing wrong with independence within a marriage but closeness and affection, love is a must..

You could also try dressing a bit different and putting on some make up, making him see you differently than a housewife, lighting a candle for dinner and sending the kids to your Mums for the night and see where that leads you.

Sometimes, "non verbal communication" can be an asset.

Everything is worth trying, but remember when you've given 100% and get nothing back in return that love you have will dry up...

As long as you've given everything, there is nothing more you can do...

CW

**Joy** · 05-19-2009 07:31 PM

Oh yeah he is living some 1950's leave it to beaver show. He has a script running in his head. He is totally missing out on the great joys of marriage if ya want it to be that way.

so sorry you feel so alone Sounds like you want someone to run and play with you in life sometimes instead of it being so heavy and serious. Routine blah blah blah.

maybe you can find an activity that would both get you sparked up and give you time for your family or just an activity for 2 .

**HALFNOTHING** · 05-30-2009 05:02 AM

just curious.. what's your husband do? i mean his work...
My ex was married to his computer.. hehehe.. he liked to spend his time in computer than talking nonsense short of emotional topics of mine according to him. He worked like he has a hectic schedule but the fact that he didn't ever.

No time to occasions, playing around, going out, etc.

So, what i did? I bought a computer also and started chatting online that lead to a great relationship where i'm in right now..

**amy_ross1976** · 06-01-2009 03:31 PM

Just wanted to say thanks for the response. Glad to report that the husband and I have had some in depth discussion and both agree that we have things that can be worked on. We also have vowed to take time out for one another and the kids for family time and he has apologized for not appreciating me before. So for now all is good. I have faith that our relationship can and will work out, and know and understand that marriage is hard work BUT if we are both willing parties and understand that it does take two to make it work that it will all be okay. With any marriage or relationship you will experience issues and problems that is a part of the growth experience.

One of the new things we will all be doing as a family is going to the gym together, previously we were going seperately but now we will make it a family event.

Thanks again for all your advice, and for allowing me to vent for just a little bit.

**WildChild** · 06-01-2009 06:37 PM

It's always good to hear of people working things out. Thank you for sharing that.

**trishvan** · 06-01-2009 10:28 PM

hmmmmmm......
we've been married 7yrs, 3 kids- last one together, both work ft, yes there is favoritism, and yes many times I feel like a single mother- BUT the kids go 1st. I don't care if he doesn't feel like going somewhere- I pack up the kids and we go- to friends, family, movies, parks, we go, if he goes good- if not we still go. He does work alot but I think in my situation you learn to live and make the best of things.