Thread: Trying to Understand the Lack of Touch

This may seem like a silly question...but have you asked him about it?? Sometimes there is a perfectly reasonable answer to things like this. Is he stressed about work or maybe money?? Talking to him is the best thing to do...then go from there.

How long have you been living together? Is this the first time he has ever lived with a woman? I think it probably is if you have been together since you were 15 and he would have been 21.

Sometimes the fairytale of living together before your ready isn't all its cracked up to be. Maybe its just a bump you guys have to learn to communicate and care emotionally for each other and physically.

He has lived with another girl before and we have talked about it. He just shrugs it off. I don't know if there is something wrong with my relationship or something. I feel rejected on a very serious level. He knows what he's doing and yet he seems to not even care. Is it something that maybe he's just going through.

When you say he knows what he's doing and seems not to care, it isn't really clear on if you have actually spoken to him about how his distance makes you feel and what his response to that was.

If you haven't actually said the words, he may not be aware you have a problem with this behavior as sometimes men can be completely obvlivous to things like body language, sighs, and vague statements. You have to clearly, but kindly express how you feel inside when he is distant... if you are not the cause of his distance he should be able to comfort you and at least give you a reason that will help you to understand what he is going through better.. and also importantly.. allow you some peace of mind and much needed security.

If you haven't actually said the words, he may not be aware you have a problem with this behavior as sometimes men can be completely obvlivous to things like body language, sighs, and vague statements. You have to clearly, but kindly express how you feel inside when he is distant...

I have to second this. This is how guys treat other guys:
"If you don't think it's important enough to be straight up about it, it's obviously not important enough for me to care about it."

It works for guys, because guys know the code. If a guy wants another guy to guy to care, he knows he has to be honest and direct. A lot of women don't know the code, so they drop hint after hint and NOTHING HAPPENS. Eventually they break down and say something, but since that's like step 8 in the woman-woman communication process, there's usually some built-up resentment from being "ignored" during steps 1-7.

You should definitely get a hold of a copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray. I learned a lot from that book.

I ask him about it and he says that I'm just paranoid about it. I'll have to read the book and see what happens. I still have a hard time trying to understand whats going on with our relationship.

My friend had a similar situation and the more she confronted him or stressed over the issue, the worse the actual issue became.

Your boyfriend sounds very comfortable with the limited intimacy. That's probably his 'settling down' style. You're the one who is uncomfortable with it and because of this, you will probably have to evaluate the relationship.

If this is what being married to him will be like, are you ok with doing it this way?

Just remember that you will never be able to convince him to do a 360 and conform to your own expectations. There will be a little give and a little take.

Perceive perhaps a little bit of change toward your desires, but all in all expect things to be the same as you continue in this relationship. The thing that will really have to change in order to make the relationship successful is your acceptance.

Originally Posted by M&Ms

My friend had a similar situation and the more she confronted him or stressed over the issue, the worse the actual issue became.

Your boyfriend sounds very comfortable with the limited intimacy. That's probably his 'settling down' style. You're the one who is uncomfortable with it and because of this, you will probably have to evaluate the relationship.

If this is what being married to him will be like, are you ok with doing it this way?

Just remember that you will never be able to convince him to do a 360 and conform to your own expectations. There will be a little give and a little take.

Perceive perhaps a little bit of change toward your desires, but all in all expect things to be the same as you continue in this relationship. The thing that will really have to change in order to make the relationship successful is your acceptance.

I've done more changing and commiting to him them most woman would do. I moved away from my family a complete state away and gave up my life there to be able to be with him. He was very affectionate when we where starting out. A lot of people already see us as husband and wife. Even though we are not married.