My husband hit me what should i do?

**flgirl84** · 05-25-2009 06:57 PM

I have been married for 1year and 5months. I moved to where he lived so i have no family here just me and the kids. When we first got married i was still contacting my ex. My husband found out so we go into an argument i left the house so he could cool down and i went to the pay phone to call my mom and he pulled up really fast and almost hit me. Then i guess someone called the cops because by the time i got to the police station they were already at my home. That night me and the kids stayed at the hotel. The kids were asleep so they didnt see any of it. the next day i went back to my home town but i came back thinkng i would get better, and it did for about 3months. We had an argument again about cleaning i think which i try to do but sometimes i might not git around to all of it in between school and the kids. So next thing i know he was on top of me with his hand around my neck and i couldnt breath i was trying to get up but i couldnt i end up scaring my face with my nails. Then he got up and started saying im sorry baby im sorry. I still stayed even after then. Again the kids were in the living room and we were in the bedroom. The next time i went to walmart and i didnt call him becasue i said to myself i will call when i get there but it sliped my mind and my phone went died so i couldnt call and i had been gone for more than two hours but before then i had called him and told him i was sick and that i might go to the ER but i didnt i just took some medication and then i went to walmart. So when i got back he asked where had i been and i told him.We started a argument and he said he thought i in a acident or some thing because it was raining and i hadnt call. Then i told him why i hadnt call because of my phone and he ask to see it and i let him so then and i laugth a little like ha and he slaped me and i started to cry. It felt like i had be to the dentisit and they had did something wrong to my teeth, it hurted for them to line up but about 2 days later it was ok and he try to say sorry but i walked off. I always say im going to leave but in about two or three day i change my mind. Im trying to make it work but not at the exspence of my life. I told him we should talk to the pastor but he doesnt want to. What should i do?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-25-2009 07:27 PM

No man has a right to hit a woman.

And, no woman should live in fear of her life.

Certainly, we can say will he go to councelling? But, I am not sure that he would.

I would tell you to go back to your family and ask him to seek councelling and until he does and gets past his temper and controlling manners (if), you are not going back to him.

You have children as well, fortunately, they haven't seen this "so far", but what if they did? How will that impact on their life?

What if he didn't let go next time? What if he after walked out, and left the children and no one visited that house for days?

You have a responsibility to the children and you personally do not NOT have to take abuse.

Don't take it sweetheart.

CW

**WildChild** · 05-25-2009 07:51 PM

Why are you staying? He's threatened you with the car, choked you and hit you, what more do you need? The neighbors have called the police to your house. You state you are trying to make it work but not at the expense of your life. That statement says it all - you think he may kill you. WHY would you even consider staying?

**sourpuss** · 05-25-2009 08:07 PM

What if he did that to your kids? Would you leave then?

**rcoreyus** · 05-25-2009 11:57 PM

For me, intentionally hitting your spouse is unforgivable. He has done it more than once. No counseling, no discussions, leave. Report to the police if you want (I think you should), but leave. Do you have anywhere safe to go.

It doesn't matter if he is sorry. Everyone gets angry, but someone who gets physically violent when they get angry will hurt you and your children. Don't wait until he puts you or one of them in the hospital and the police are notified anyway.

**blondie80** · 05-26-2009 05:06 AM

I have to agree with everyone on this leave, there is no excuse for this behaviour and i know this may sound wrong, but if you dont do it for you think of your children, do you want them to grow up and think that this is a normal relationship thing to happen and find the same? It happens to alot of women. You are strong enough to leave you only have to gain from leaving, not anything to lose, yes you may love him but love is not about being scared and worried that you are going to be blamed for things, its not about having to watch your back all the time and worry about what he is going to do next. Thats sheer domination and negligence on his part, men that do this to women aren't much of men at all.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-26-2009 05:49 AM

I always say im going to leave but in about two or three day i change my mind. Im trying to make it work but not at the exspence of my life. I told him we should talk to the pastor but he doesnt want to. What should i do

?

I am thinking, that because you want to turn to the Church, you feel that all need a break and if he was to do this it would be alright.

Hense, my comment, ok, for now go, get back to your family and let him sort himself out, mainly because your kids sweet will see and more importantly he will really hurt you next time.

Everyone, everyone is telling you to go..

I want you to see, that Pastors can help but sometimes can also be too late...

So listen to all, you have nothing to lose by going now... And, then seeking your Pastors help/advice, and looking at TOMORROW.

Right now, you need to look at today..

CW

**sallyskellington** · 05-26-2009 07:57 AM

my husband and I get into fist fights often so I know how you feel. But the difference between you and I is you don't provoke it. No one has the right to put their hands on you unprovoked(and by provoked I mean you going at them and hitting tem first).
In all honesty hun you can justify his actions until you are blue in the face but when it comes down to it what he is doing is wrong. And you know deep down it is, and that is why you CONVINCE yourself to stay, b/c you have to talk yourself into staying cause you know it's wrong.
Now I don't know your family dynamics but I think you are gonna need there support and they or someone you trust should be there when you move out for your safety and your childrens. I don't know if you have a brother or not but make sure he is deff there. You don't know how he will react to your leaving. Also do not be wishy washy! You do not deserve this. Just think if it was a friend or sister coming to you what would you tell them to do? We will support whatever decision you make, but again you NEVER deserve what he is doing.

**Haven** · 05-26-2009 09:15 AM

I told him we should talk to the pastor but he doesnt want to.

He wouldn't want to talk to your family, your friends, a counselor, or the police, either. More importantly, he wouldn't want YOU talking to them. Abusers can't continue the abuse if their victims stand up for themselves and aren't afraid to break the code of silence.

He wouldn't dare try any of that on a random stranger, because he knows that being psychotic towards random people will land him in prison. Around you, however, he isn't afraid to throw violent, dangerous tantrums. Why? Because he thinks your love for him will let him get away with it. He is treating you worse than a stranger and using your love for him and your children against you. It's sickening.

You might be worried about how you'll shield the kids from this, but the short answer is, don't. They're in danger too. If they know what happened, it might work out better for you, because those are extra eyes watching him and they belong to people whose opinions he cares about.

Everyone so far has said "leave him", but you have a lot of love for him and a lot invested in your relationship that you understandably don't want to lose. Unfortunately, there's only one way to save all that. If you want to stay with him, you have make a stand. You have to tell him "Never again", and you have to tell him this in a way that lets him know you mean it. If he isn't taking you seriously, threaten him with anything and everything you can think of: it's fair play considering he's done a lot worse than threaten you.

Making a stand isn't for everyone, though. If you don't think you're capable of backing him down mentally before things get physical, don't even try it. If you think he'd back YOU down mentally, don't even try it. Just get out of there.

No matter what you decide, you need to develop an escape plan. I also think you should report this most recent abuse to the police. Even if you don't want to press charges, you need to build a case so that he can't pretend his abuses are isolated incidents instead of a pattern of behavior if it ever goes to court. If the police decide to arrest him, good! Maybe he'll learn something he should've learned a long, long time ago.

**hippiechick2405** · 05-26-2009 10:02 AM

Please get out. I know you love him and want to work it out and be a family, but it's not going to happen until he is forced to receive help. Are the kids his? If they aren't, there is a HUGE chance that he will turn on them next. You don't deserve this. The kids don't deserve this. The only way is to remove yourself and the kids from the situation. Not only is he an abuser, but he is also controlling. Having to know where you are at all times (even when you just ran to Wal-Mart?). That is not right. I know it's tough, but in order to save your life and your children, you have to do this. And, I agree with the poster who said that you need to start building a case against him with the police. This way he can not deny anything when/if it happens again. Just think, if one of your kids is a boy, he is going to grow up thinking that slapping around a woman is alright, no matter what you tell him. If you stay and he begins seeing it, he's going to see that you don't do anything about it, so it must be ok. And, if you have a girl, she is going to think that it's normal for her boyfriend/husband to smack her around. Get out for both you and your children. You have too much to live for and so do they. It's not worth it. Go to your old hometown. Get support from your family. A restraining order may be the best thing to get on him for a while. I wish you the best of luck and hope you figure it all out.

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