Family Vs Husband

**babybluez** · 05-26-2009 05:32 PM

hello people i would like to get some views on this

i recently got married and moved to a new country. my husband and i are living with his family at the moment. his mum, dad and a brother. they are all very very nice and have made my trasition to this country easier. i love them dearly.

the problem is my husband and i dont get much privacy, not even in the bedroom. i dont think my husband is but im getting affected by this lack of privacy. even during our intimate times we have to be "quiet" so that no one hears us. we are not able to talk nor do simple things like every couple should do.

i dont think that we are exploring our married life, which is relatively new, the way it is meant to be explored . basically we are living our life the way couples at the age of 40 or so live, a settled life, with sex once in a while, with very little excitement in our everyday life.

should i try to keep the family together or should i become shelfish and ask my husband to lets move out.

i dont know how to tell my husband that i want to move out from the family without hurting anyone because i love them so much or without my husband feeling that i do not have respect for his family. someone please guide me. im torn between the two.

**dr.mansview** · 05-26-2009 09:52 PM

tell hubby you r very appreciative that his family has taken u in..ask him for suggestions on how the 2 of you can get some privacy for sex..tell him you have this pent up sexual energy that you can't release due to listening ears..perhaps as u say it is time to get a place of your own..all newlyweds need privacy..he should be the one to approach his family about this,not you..it may make you look like the bad guy in this..good luck and speak to him lovingly..

**hippiechick2405** · 05-27-2009 11:55 AM

Good advice, Dr. I also say that until you guys move out, just start being creative. Doing it in the great outdoors, go to a movie and have some fun, drive up to some "passion point" place and go at it. My husband and I lived with his parents when we first got married (only for 3 months, but it was horrible). Within two weeks, we set up a tent in their back yard to sleep in. Not the most comfortable, but PRIVATE.

**babybluez** · 05-27-2009 06:07 PM

Thank you so much for the replies dr. mansview and hippiechick. it made me feel better. Problem is with this recession going on, i havent been able to secure a job and therefore dont feel confident enough to ask hubby to move out at the moment. honestly I AM sexually frustrated. as hippiechick said i should start getting creative and slowly make my husband realise all the fun that we are missing.

i will first try to show him how much better things can be when we are alone. probably he will want to move out without me "saying" it. if not than i will try to tackle the issue lightly coz it is so sensitive. family wont see me in the same light again.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-28-2009 02:21 AM

family wont see me in the same light again.

No, no, no, go further away from home, there's a forest, a tree, a blanket, and a scarf and well not much else.

It's tough for sure, and whilst you are married, he probably also feels weird, his home where he grew up? Family there, embarrased and for sure, it's frustrating.

I agree, that you have to take some passion elsewhere, can you afford to at least book a motel room for 1 night, and spend the whole day together, and then end up in your room, full of candles, sexy underwear and let loose?

This may make him realise what he's missing and see what rentals may be cheap enough to get a start in life.

Remember, the riches are actually, two people regardless of where they live.

Good luck and let us know.

Some good advice there.

CW

**babybluez** · 05-29-2009 04:53 PM

hello CW its nice to see you. 9 months ago i was a virgin and had some issues and you helped me out!! thank you for the advise again.

last night i talked to my husband. he was relaxing and i told him that im frustrated. and he himself asked if im meaning sexually. and i said yes, it seems that im not getting a release in any way.

and he asked if i have felt like that before in our marriage. i did tell him that with everyone at home and parents just in the other bedroom i find it difficult to get into lovemaking with him.

he hugged me for so long. and than he gave me the best time ever, making sure that i climaxed and at least release some of the energy that has been building up.

after that he lay beside me and just looked at me for ages. i asked him a couple of times what he was thinking and he said nothing. before i fell off to sleep he whispered in my ear that he loves me.

i have at least told him how i feel. do you think it was enough for him to realise or was i too subtle. a mans view would help here. thank you so much everyone for helping me out.

**WildChild** · 05-29-2009 04:57 PM

He sounds like a real keeper! You are a lucky lady.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2009 05:01 PM

Hello back babybluez, thanks for the comment.

Wow, what an understanding and loving husband, he has brains as well as maturity in my opinion.

You know, it doesn't matter if he didn't get the "full" hint, he got it fullstop...

He can communicate, he can accomodate your needs when he knows what's going on and he can make you melt hey, and feel loved.

Just give him that look, and hold him when you next feel the same, and I imagine the same thing will occur again.

Why not now talk to him in a different light and ask that you both start working towards a plan to have your own little space/place like married couples, make a joke and say so I can stand in the kitchen naked and cook you dinner.

HAHA.

Give him visualisation.. There you are not saying I don't like being here, rather, talking about future, as so not to put that situation down.

And, start working towards those goals, a part time job, a savings plan, etc, etc,

I often think it's when we don't have vision, plans, goals, we sit in that rutt but when we do, we work towards them and aim for them, get excited when it gets close and well are much happier in ourselves and the end result? IT HAPPENS...

Oh you know I am not a man don't you?

a

mans view would help here