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View Poll Results: Should I stay and see how it goes with him getting help or just leave?

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Thread: My husband hit me, for the second time...I don't know what to do.

  1. #1
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    Default My husband hit me, for the second time...I don't know what to do.


    We have been married for going on 3 months. And in the early stages of our relationship, everything has been pretty amazing, he was an amazing boyfriend and started out as an absolutely perfect husband, he was so loving and attentive and caring. I mean, we had our arguements here and there, some of them worse then others. The first time he hit me was about a month ago, we had went out of town to go see some of friends and we had all been drinking and me and my husband went back to our hotel room and we were just talking and he fell asleep and I went to wake him up to ask him for the keys so I could get something out of the car and then as he woke up, he slapped me across the face, so I pushed him off the bed, then all the sudden, he just completely turned into someone different, he got up and slapped me again across the face and then pushed me into the door and started telling me that I was worthless and I was nothing and spit in my face and then head butted me. Then all of the sudden he was himself again and claimed that he didnt recall anything that I told him that had happened and he said that he blacked out. I decided to stay with him, I guess being naive, thinking that it wouln't happen again. The second time he hit was just a couple of days ago, we were at our house and we got into a stupid fight over absolutely nothing, then he got in my face and started yelling me and all the sudden he head butted me as hard as he could and I fell to the floor. He hit my nose, and I am pretty sure that it is broken. Then I started to scream for help, so he grabbed my face so hard that I thought he was going to break my jaw all the while pulling my hair. It has been 2 days now since that has happened. He has apologized over and over and has said that he is going to get help and he tells me how much he loves me and he is taking me to the hospital for my nose tonight. I don't want to tell anyone, such as my parents or friends because I don't want anyone to know, because I just don't know if I'm going to leave him or stay. I love him, but I can't even look at him the same anymore, much less think about what happened without wanting to just throw up. I just don't know what to do, I want to leave but also a part of me wants to stay and try to work this out and see how it will be if he gets help, but I'm also scared to stay here because I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting for him to do it again. I know that I may start fights sometimes too and I can be annoying, but I don't deserve this and I just don't know what to do. I'm so torn because I love him so much and I want to believe in him and that he get help and things will get better but I'm so scared for it to happen again. I just don't know what to do......please any advice?

  2. #2
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    If you are scared to stay then you need to leave. He's done it twice, chances are he'll do it again. Everytime it happens and you stay you validate his behavior. After all if it was truly unacceptable, you'd leave. It's silly not to want to tell anyone. That implies that you are expecting to be blamed. Silence is part of an abusers arsenal.

  3. #3
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array yellowpiXi3's Avatar
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    you should definitely leave. abuse isn't something to be taken lightly.

  4. #4
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    dear i dont think you shouldm stay and wait to be beaten again. this is one common mistake that women make in thinking that things will change.

    i very closely know a woman, she is in her 50s now. she has been beaten all her life with her husband. at first she thought that he would change, with time she had children and she couldnt leave because of them. now she is 50 and is still getting abused and doesnt leave because she thinks she is too old to find another partner.

    my point is, look at the future and determine where you want to be. do you want to be with a man who has unpredictable behavoir. do you want to further your relationships with this kind of man or do you want to put a full stop to it.

    it is quite normal to feel insecure about leaving but at some point in life you will have to make a decision. be honest with yourself, be firm and make a decision.

    all the best.

  5. #5
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Love, once an abuser always an abuser and he's a lier is he not?

    He knew what he did the first time and "claimed" to have a blackout, you put your trust back in him and then he turned around and did it again only this time, you were frightened, very frightened and the more you screamed, the more he hurt you, to the extent of probably breaking your nose.

    Even if he "can" get help, it is going to take some time for him to accept the reason as to why he is abusive, let alone get a handle on his anger and not hit you.

    What if the next time he slams you in the wall, you fall and hit your head on a corner of a table and damage your brain and die?

    Not to scare you but that's reality.. "I only slapped her, she fell"...

    There your family and friends would be saying in tears, "I wish she had confided in me"...

    Your not playing with a "small" thing, but your life ...

    I am so sorry that you have even endured a small portion of what will come, (3 months ,twice)...

    Don't tempt fate, go and speak to your family and let them know everything, tell him to get help and when he does ,he can date you until he gets a handle on it and then you will see.

    Chances are love, that his road is a long journey to that recovery.

    Don't allow yourself to be a punching bag and maybe have no journey options left.

    You had a right to be scared and frightened, think back to that moment and how you felt, regardless of how painful and that look in his eyes...

    See it and then you may see that you not only don't deserve this but you need to live and to be happy...

    Talk to your parents please....

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

  6. #6
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Iseulda's Avatar
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    I voted Leave.

    The snap 'change of personality' thing is very scary and it sounds like, unless he is faking that part, that he has no control over it. The longer you stay the more likely you are to suffer a sort of Stockholm Syndrome where you are more loyal to your abuser than you are to yourself. It is a strange situation, but very, very common - you will start to make excuses for him, excuses for why you can't leave, you will keep saying 'he'll change' or 'I'll leave next time' - the more you put off leaving the harder it will be to do. In fact you've already shown him once that he can get away with hitting you. The more often it happens the more you will re-enforce that for both of you.

    The very fact that you've gone two days with a broken nose and he is only now saying he'll take you to the hospital is a huge red flag for me. If he was really concerned for you he'd have taken you to the hospital the minute it happened.

    You put your finger on it absolutely when you said 'I don't deserve this' - you don't, but if you put up with it you will very likely start believing that you do.

    I'm sorry this has happened to you.
    Now let us sport us while we may; / And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
    Rather at once our time devour, / Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
    Let us roll all our strength, and all / Our sweetness, up into one ball;
    And tear our pleasures with rough strife / Thorough the iron gates of life.
    Thus, though we cannot make our sun / Stand still, yet we will make him run.

  7. #7
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    Thank you for all of your advice! I really appreciate. He is currently getting help and I'm staying with a friend, I really appreciate all of your replies.

  8. #8
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array HALFNOTHING's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryGirl62 View Post
    Thank you for all of your advice! I really appreciate. He is currently getting help and I'm staying with a friend, I really appreciate all of your replies.
    you're following the right spot.. stick to it... you'll feel better.. in every circumstances, there's always good. so, think positive from that..

  9. #9
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    It is good that you are staying with a friend. If you really love this guy and want to give him a chance take things slowly. Don't just move back in when you think your ready spend the night together. Love will make you do crazy things. But if his behavior doesn't change then you WILL have to leave.

  10. #10
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    NO QUESTIONS ASKED. LEAVE. NOW. BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.
    My mom stayed with her ex for 3 years.
    HIT HER ONCE. oh baby im sorry.
    and hit her ever since.......... almost died .......... he put a knife to her throat right in front of me.........
    so before you even get to that point . GET OUT. no man hits you once. once is the door way to forever.
    ~**Michele**~

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