Boundaries
I have been married for 9 years with 3 boys , 2 from first marriage , 1 from my current husband . My husband has been known to flirt and get really close to other women , I have talked to him about how I dissaprove of this behavior and , of course , he says he is not , blah blah blah . Now it is happening again , but this time my 17 year old son , is not liking what he is seeing when I am not around , he has told me that he is getting to close to other women and flirting . I again talked to my husband about this and he says that I am overreacting and it is nothing . What pains me is that I have seen him get to close , but in a way ,it is his nature , I have seen him do it to men too (not flirting though) . It does bother me alot and now it is bothering my son , he thinks that it is disrespectful . I can't make my husband grow up , I do not understand why he would need so much attention from other women , what should I do ???????
he may have no intention of doing anything..after 9 years of marriage he may still wonder if other women still find him attractive..give him the benefit of the doubt, but keep an eye on him..if he does it at a party, walk up to him and say "hi honey,introduce me to your friend"..his reaction may speak volumes..
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
Dr Mansfield makes a good point.but in a way ,it is his nature , I have seen him do it to men too
And, you also know that it's his nature..
Flirting, lifts your spirits makes you feel attractive. When you feel attractive, you don't dress dowdy, feel down, low, it's good for you soul.
The boundry is "not" to cross over from that to taking things further.
I always feel that if someone does it in-front of you, it's just their nature and as such, a simple joke about it so the other person is aware that it's just "his" nature, and that you are secure with it, squashes anyone else's thoughts about it.
And, who cares anyway what anyone thinks?
If you are SECURE in yourself and therefore, your relationship, it won't be an issue.
On the otherhand, if the "flirting" is blatent and not "light" then I think you have to pull them back to be respectful in the way in which they flirt for sure.
It's not a green card to dis-respect your wife ie) " love your breasts they stick out really well in that dress" haha, well, actually I would laugh at that one.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
i've known a friend like this one..she was desperately inlove with his husband and yet can't live without going to party with her friends.. she even denied that he has a husband but after men's by their reaction like he wants her.. I even heard one saying "I don't think so. like that pretty face doesn't have a bf yet?" hahaha.. after the long conversation, she will stand straight and said "Oh my husband called, I must go.. he's waiting for me and smile like she didn't did anything" hahaha..
That, I call, flirting to feel still attractive, whilst loving her husband and being proud of her man, and consequently, claiming same and walking out that door, smiling and going home to her otherhalf.
That is what I call.
Cute.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I admit.. we need it sometimes.. to determine if we are still adorable.. But if he seems doing it everyday even did it in front of you, you need to break the silence.. there must be wrong.. nothing wrong if we did it sometimes and let the other side knows it... take note the word SOMETIMES..
how often that sometimes? hahaha for me, maybe 2x a year. year is long enough to feel bore to each other.. couples do need to break up sometimes. give each other space in order for the two of you to miss each other.. that will make you realize if you still really love each other..
Guess it's a matter of perspective but I find it interesting that as the legal/work environment has made flirting in the workplace and many other situations into harassment (and some of it was) people have found other ways to channel that. Some of this behavior from a woman used to be referred to as being a cocktease and was looked down on. Yet we have no comparable term for a man doing essentially the same thing. Light flirting is one thing, actually working at arousing someone and drawing them in and then walking off is another - there is a meaness and a power play about it that isn't very healthy, from either gender.
Light flirting is fun, it's very surface and pretty much anyone could recognize it for what it is. It's almost vanished - when I was working on my HS reunion, quite a bit of that got going and it was fun, not something that anyone would get hurt over or anyone but a nut case would get jealous or angry about. It made me realize how little of that I've heard in recent years, it seems to be a dying art.
Honestly, it sounds as if he has been flirting for years. Unless it crosses a line (copping a feel, etc), I really wouldn't think too much of it. Have you ever had reason to not trust him (other than his flirting)? Men are just like women when it comes to wanting to feel attractive and wanted by others. Maybe it makes him feel like he still has game. Talk with him about it and see. I like Dr. Mansview comment of "if he does it at a party, walk up to him and say "hi honey,introduce me to your friend"..his reaction may speak volumes". As for your 17 year old, is it possible that he is embarassed that his parents are actual "sexual beings"? That's a tough age. Does he and your husband have a good relationship? I would have them go out alone somewhere (dinner, arcade, fishing, etc) and have your son ask him about it. If his flirting is over the top, maybe that would make him realize it. Good luck.
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