harsh attitude of husband

**sfa289** · 06-04-2009 03:32 AM

Hi
i have been married for abt 1 year n 5 months.instead of dis.i was engaged to da same guy for abt 5/6 years..actually we loved each other..but there were so many ups n down in our relationship .. which we consider that they will resolve after we got married.. he lived in other country...so we could not see meet or talk to each other .. n e ways to cut da story short i got marry wid him n moved to other country he lived...i know no body here.. instead of my husband n his family..which i consider as my family... but no 1 else no friend ..no 1. he stared going to his job.. after 2/3 days of my arrival here...
i can understand dis.. coz i m a practical girl but eventually he has no time for me..i don know y he is so harsh n arrogant to me.. even on very littile things...
from da initial when i was newly married.. he has no time..he spend the whole night wid his friends.. playing cards etc.. in my house in da common room.. i was used to wait for such a whole night... to get him in da bedroom...i thought starting days of newly married couples r so colorful...n excited.. but in our case .. its not like dat..
i m here in a new country.. but i know no 1... found no place to go.. just house house n house.. ,my in laws r co operative.. n nice..but few things r so typicall.. i used to do almost all the work of house..which i don mind... but i m so tensed abt my relationship...my husband..who used to love me a lot.. before married.. don talk to me.. for 3/4 weeks.. on such little things.. he got angry.. used abusive language to me.. try to push me...just like he is gona hit me..we don go for outing..coz he has no time n even when he get 2/3 days off he donlike to go outside wid me..
I can not share my feelings to him.. even i cant share wid him dat i m feeling so lonely...he never ask me abt my needs. even...
i feel so strange in his eyes... i don know wat happened to him...
i want to share my feelings my prob wid him.. but he bahave so arrogant.. i usded to cry every night..but he never talk to me politley..
he used to sit infront..of computer..n see porn sites..masterbate...i don like dis at all ... i wish to told him if he got relax by doing all dis.. then next time dont come closer to me..be cuz when i go closer to him.. he deny .. refuse me.. every time.. but when he wants. he wanna get it .. in dat case it not abt my mood or feeling...i don y y he avoid me a lot..i used to b happy wid him..i do such little funny things to him... but he never feels n e thing..
i m so tensed how shud i deal him...do my whole life goes da same way
i just want to get rid of dat...even some times wanna get rid of my relationship. i cant share my feelings wid n e 1...n.... i don wan my family got depressed .wat shud i do n e advice...pls

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-04-2009 03:43 AM

I went through this too.

Great "frienship", sex was every day until day 69 (no joke), no punt intended, and I said, sex is sex, i don't want to feel like that's all I am there for and that tamed down, don't get me wrong I love sex, but i just felt used.

Then I got married and he changed.

He became emotionally abusive...

He verbally constantly abused me, because i rebelled.. I didn't want to be a maid, he wouldn't even take the garbage out... If i left the washing machine lid up, he would accuse me of leaving it up so he would do something but i worked 24/7 and forgot i left it up, simple..

He would comand what parts of the house i could venture and couldn't... he was controlling..

It all changed.

I can't explain it other than to say they don't comprehend the word marriage, that you should share and talk things through, communicate and that you can not continue in your batchelor ways and that you can't make the "bed and roses" then marry and say pfttttt, your my wife now, so I don't care I got what i wanted, challenge over, you just can shut up.

You need to express 100% what your feeling and tell him that you both need to work through this and if not your going.

He shouldn't be looking at porn on-going it seems that he probably was doing all that before but until you lived together, it wasn't possible for you to know.

You don't know what a person is really until you marry them, so they say...

Stay strong and talk to him about it all, but not "i don't like" rather, you "need to see what your doing or what you will lose if you don't I will walk"...

CW

**HALFNOTHING** · 06-04-2009 04:35 AM

it's really frustrating such a great relationship just lead to what has been into it right now.. let hm know that marriage is not only for buying you foods and enter his when he likes it.. I agree to CW that you should talk to him and open up all this things.

CW, maybe your husband before didn't really need wife but a maid or slave that will follow his order.. acting like he was a God that all should follow his command. his royal highness... hehehe.. if i were you, i will cut his ______ and let the washing machine clean it.. hahaha...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-04-2009 05:03 AM

his royal highness... hehehe.. if i were you, i will cut his ______ and let the washing machine clean it.. hahaha...

Not quite sure how to get you out of that habit, lol........

Your too cute with your thoughts.

Na, some guys purely don't UNDERSTAND the word marriage nor commitment, simple, they lived their lives and continue to do same, they don't get it...

I am strong, I know whom I am..

And the man I have is well , loving.... wicked.... what i had was pfttttttttt would make a good friend that's it...

CW

**HALFNOTHING** · 06-04-2009 05:58 AM

I don't know if my thought helps here.. I'm just giving you what i;m thinking if i were in your side...

yes men don't understand it.. But, what we have to do is to throw them what they want.. give them what they want.. sounds very generous to us girls, right? If they throw stone to us, reply with a rock... simple as that.. they live happy with others, learn to live too..

**WildChild** · 06-04-2009 08:46 AM

This seems to be a common malady. The everything is great until you sign on the line. It's like magic, poof, jerkdom.

SFA, are you using birth control? If you can, do. You do not need to be adding a pregnancy or baby to this picture. You need to get things straightened out first.

**babybluez** · 06-04-2009 05:24 PM

i really do understand what you are going through dear. i was in a long distance relationship for 2 years before we got married and i moved to a new country. it is not easy moving to a new country where you know no one and settling down as a wife.

at first he didnt like it when i touched him and used to jerk my hands off him, or after sex he would just turn away from me and sleep. when he came from work, he watched tv for 5 hours, or would sit down with his computer, no hug no kiss nothing. he treated me like i didnt exist.

but i gave him time to adjust to his married life. he wasnt used to staying with a lady. i tried to see things from a guys point of view. and i turned him around gently, not by accusing him but by trying to make him understand that we are two people sharing a life now.

i asked him what he expected of me as a wife and what were his expectations of married life. i asked him when do i come into his daily life.

now he understands my needs. and he told me as a guy he never realised his responsibility as a husband. they think that working and bringing food is enough, they do not understand the emotional needs of a woman until someone makes them understand.

we knew each other for only 2 years dear but you have known each other for more than that, there must be a better understanding between the two of you.

dont bottle up your feelings, you will only end up looking miserable when he is around and that will drive him away. no man wants to be around miserable ladies. try to be cheerful and attract him to yourself and tackle one situation at a time, otherwise the distance will keep building.

all the best. takecare

**dr.mansview** · 06-04-2009 05:35 PM

well said "babybluez"..you took the unaccusing approach..the poor guy never had a chance..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-04-2009 05:49 PM

used abusive language to me.. try to push me...just like he is gona hit me..

But, that attitude is not something a woman should have to endure surely...

when i was newly married.. he has no time..he spend the whole night wid his friends.. playing cards etc.. in my house in da common room.. i was used to wait for such a whole night...

On the wedding night?

I do agree with communication.. But, it takes two.. The other person has to want to communicate and work through things.

Abuse and control, a complete change is a different sign in my opinion..

CW

**sfa289** · 06-04-2009 07:06 PM

thanks all of u for ur replies..
WILDCHILD..i don need to use birth control...becuz there is nothing such thing b/w us...i have mentioned dat thing in the other thread...we could not reach upto THERE u know... but whatever da prob is.. i wanna make up my relationship wid him... becuz i have spend my 8/9 years on this relation..i was in luv.. then i engaged.. then married...i spend such alot of time on this.. all of dis is hard for me.

what we have to do is to throw them what they want.. give them what they want.. sounds very generous to us girls, right? If they throw stone to us, reply with a rock... simple as that.. they live happy with others, learn to live too..

i like ur spirit here..
BABYBLUEZ. i can agere wid u.. some relation takes time to adjust...but both has to try...1 person cant bring change..n the question is how much time.
i m trying to settle my relation since along time..may b some where i might be wrong.off course i cant say dat i m angel... but the thing is i m concerned to our relationship difficulties.. i wanna solve it.. but he is not...
i really try to speak wid him.. in a friendly manner abt every prob we hav..he don take it seriously..i can understand may b its his carelessness.. guys r usually like dis..but where ur relation is going to be worst..then it shud be same effect on them also..n if he is having the effect like me.. y i m only tensed.. y only me..who is trying to spoke.who is trying to adjust..
but really by sharing here my prob.. i feel really really light.. that i can share my problems my feelings here freely..actually i have a spirit again to workout on dis..
i tried every thing..my love..my concerned .my care.my cry everything..
. but once again i try wat u do...with ur problem...may b some where something works..