Thread: what are the signs of cheating?????

yes
but first make the get the divorce papers for real
I know it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but whether he lives or dies, you're going to have to leave him

He wasn't good to you during your marriage, so why should you be good to him now.

Leave, go home.

Of course, If my husband did that I'd probably lose my mind in a hysterical rage or something...seriously

but be the bigger person, just go
You have to start a new life and get over him sooner or later, sooner is always better.

yes go home...its better you do it now than later on...
please let us know how it turns out!be Strong!

The very first time it happens, you can be excused for looking
for the one in a million 'other' explanation, especially when there
are no 'signs or symbols' you have discerned.

However, 99.99999% of the time, your suspicion is correct.
This is because...MEN WANT TO BE CAUGHT.

The being unfaithful...the thought of being unfaithful
is an aphrodesiac...

Staind, Oklahoma is very nice this time of year. Leave
him, and let his lungs collapse with someone else. You
deserve much better.

Tessa, its time for you to call it day. Snooping around is
demeaning for you, and will also prove beyond a doubt
what he's doing and who he's doing it with. No reason
for dramas. Time to leave. Nice and quiet.

Dawnachan...
I can list names of sisters and mothers who covered up
for their brother/sons adultery. I can tell you of cases
where sisters have out and out lied to the wife...
after all, 'blood is thicker than marriage.'

Anyone reading your post is pretty sure he and Kelly
are having a grand old time.

The point is you don't have to catch him en flagrante.
You don't need to prove anything.

You will only embarrass yourself by actually confronting
him. And if you believe he is cheating, and he doesn't
realise you are semi-aware, it gives you the upper hand.

Okay, call the office to prove he is not there.
But don't mention it to him.

Check the odometer on the car, to notice that the
office is nine miles away and if he were working late
there wouldn't be an extra twenty seven miles since
morning.

Leave open the 2% chance he is not being unfaithful,
but hold to your belief he is, and make your plans.

It's interesting to see a bunch of women together examining the inferior and slightly stupid (certainly intuitionally blind) male of the species. After 6 years of living with a woman's infallible intuition and sixth sense, not to mention her Holmesian deductive abilities, we finally called it quits on each other. I often wondered how much of her suspicians were fed by just such 'support groups' as this one: "We're behind you, sister!"

Male Myth #1: We all are just itching for the chance to have an affair. Nope. More men will have an affair than women, but not by much. A good half of us (same as women) have eyes for one woman.

Male Myth #2: All we think about is sex.: Well, actually, this is true. But, the idea that we base all of our decisions on this being the single most important thing in our lives and we don't care who its with... that's usually false.

Male Myth #3: If you think we're having an afair, we probably are. Well, just keep on thinking that. Eventually it's going to make you seem so bitter and irrational that the thought is eventually going to cross the man's mind, "If I'm going to be in trouble for this all the time, how come I'm not getting any of the benefits?" Intuition may be very good, but it usually isn't as loud a voice as insecurity, fear, etc.

Another myth, Evidence: I sent her out to retrieve prints from a photoshoot I had done late the night before. She comes roaring back with me expected envelope and a pair of panties that she found in the back seat. "Nailed you!!" she shrieked at me. "I nailed you, buddy!" She threw the panties and the envelope at me.

Well, I bent down and picked the panties up by its sales tag, which was still fastened (look at your panties, ladies. Did you remember to take the sales tag off?). I then opened the envelope and pulled out two photographs. One was of my assistants and I with the client and an inventory of panties and bras. The other was of that very pair of panties on a mannequin.

I told my dear carpenter (yeah, I was nailed) that I didn't like being in a relationship in which I wasn't trusted. I asked her to please leave when she could make arrangements. I would stay in a hotel (alone) until she could be packed and out of there.

Took me a long time to be able to have sex with another woman after that. I just wasn't attracted to anybody but her. Eventually I got over it, but when I hear a bunch of women talking like this and see sites with such , from-the-hip advice, it still gets me really angry and frustrated.

Chances are, your significant other loves you very much if you are lovable. He's just fine with you as long as he's not being made out to be a monster or another species. You most likely have no idea what's going on inside his head because, (1) you're trying to judge him as if he thinks like a woman, and (2) he probably doesn't know (or care) himself. When he does, and if he trusts you, he'll tell you.

If he's coming home late from work, he might be working his off. If he stopped calling when he's going to be late, it's probably because he's done it so many times that he figures you already know what he's doing, trust him, and because of that trust, there's no need to say anymore. The other reason is because you at him every time he calls to be late and he can't deal with that AND the stress from his boss making him late at the same time. Figures he deal with the other problem when he can.

Yeah, I know. I'm going against the loyalty of the group by saying all these things. I'm the intruder.I expect that the nail that is sticking its head too high wil get pounded, but maybe this 'alternate explanation' will keep one of you from ruining a relationship with a great guy that loves you and knows loyalty. It's a sick feeling to give that loyalty and have it thrown in your face as an alleged lie.

Ah...Tabula Rasa...my nemesis!

Male 'Myth' One...

You are all dying to have affairs.
Some of you don't, because you do not have the
opportunity, some of you don't because you weigh
the consequence at the moment...

But the mere idea you HAVE TO BE FAITHFUL TO ONE
WOMAN is terrifying to you. You will have an affair just
to prove that the ONE WOMAN doesn't 'Own' you.

You fool yourself if you think women don't appreciate
why you joined that club/work late/visit that bar.

Male 'Myth' Two...

Most Men often suffer from severe brain slippage...
that is where the mind leaves the cranium and
wedges in the pelvic region.

Brain activity shuts down when the penis is
engorged.

Male 'Myth' Three...

If one feels a man is being unfaithful, he probably
is. This requires very little analysis.

Clearly, if he can find places to be without his
wife, people he prefers to be with, and coming
home is a last resort, whether he has succeeded
in finding someone else to have sex with or is
still looking, the fact remains...he is not with his
wife.

Many men become frustrated in being accused
before they have successfully gotten another
woman into bed.

They are out there, visiting clubs, making themselves
available, but catching no eye, then coming home to
be 'wrongly' accused.

Any man who thinks;
"If I'm going to be in trouble for this all the time, how
come I'm not getting any of the benefits?"

Is a man who has been caught pre-act...just as
a thief might not have grasped the item he reached
for.

-----

The fact is, tabula rasa, the panties in the back seat
was not the first 'peculair' bit of behaviour you evidenced.
That your wife's mind would instantly go to infidelity
is evidence that your behaviour had been questionable
previously.
---

Don't play the innocent.
That you've seen this thread and responded to it
immediately sets off the alarm.

How many men claim to be 'working late' and when
the wife calls the office, (not his cell) finds out he
is not there? She doesn't have to confront him with
the..."I called your office, the phone rang ten times"..

How interesting that;

I didn't like being in a relationship in which I wasn't trusted. I asked her to please leave when she could make arrangements. I would stay in a hotel (alone) until she could be packed and out of there.

After one misunderstanding.
Hmmmm?

What else aren't you telling us?

Originally Posted by imported_Tessa

I've been married almost 4 years now and things just don't seem right lately. My husband has been acting strange He just started a new work schedule about a month ago and his times coming home are different everyday. He use to call me everyday from work if he was going to late or on his way home. Now the phone calls have stopped. He tells me that they can't have cell phones in the work place but he does have access to a land phone. Why doesn't he call? He does less work at his new job so I don't know where all his time goes. Today I thought he would call me around the time he claims his work is done but an hour went by with no call. So I called his cell (twice) and when he finally picked up he was out of breathe!!! He sits at a desk all day how can he be tired from that. He says he had to take out the trash!!! Theres a new number popping up on his cell also. I did a little searching and found out it belongs to a married couple but what I don't get is that the number always pops up when we are away from each other. His e-mail is lighter than before as if he is making sure to delete stuff. I know in my heart that something is wrong!!! Was it wrong for me to snoop around like that? Should I ask him about the number? I don't want to make something out of nothing but I can't sleep or eat and its tearing me up inside What should I do?

I am pretty much in the same situation as you are. My husband used to call me everyday a couple of times a day. We live in different states. He used to call me a couple of times a day just to hear my voice. Today everything has changed. Now he talks to me only in the morning and at night. He says he is very busy with work and he can't call me during the day. I started to suspect him in infidelity 2 months ago and I admit life became a complete misery. One night I called him about 10 pm and he didn't answer his phone. I was waiting to hear from him for an hour. When he called his excuse was the battery was dead. After a week he admitted to me that he was at his client's house ( he is a lawyer). He was handling her divorce case for free. To show her appreciation, she invited him for dinner at her house. Not to mention that she works at the beauty salon and invited him to have a hear cut. She is 5 years older than him and has a 14 year old daughter. I would probably understand him better if he would just tell me about her from the beginning.
I looked at cell phone statements online and was shocked to see how much they have been talking on the phone. So, when I was waiting for him to call he was talking to her instead not once, but many times a day. I think it's gone to far. we both had a conversation about this whole situation and he promised never talk to her again after he will finish her divorce.
I was visiting him and the night before I had to leave she called him. He happened to be in the bathroom, so I answered it, but she hang up on me.
I know my husband is cheating on me. I know I will never trust him again. I want my way out of this marriage, I am not sure how. I still love him and it kills me inside.

I regret now that I was looking around for an evidence. If you suspect him of infidelity just have a conversation with him, see what he has to say.

I regret now that I was looking around for an evidence. I
Alicia brings up that killer point of looking for evidence, contra
Tabula-Rasa, (our scardeycat rep of the male species) who believes
that unless you catch him naked in bed with another female where
the genitals of both individuals are connected, he should be given the
benefit of the doubt....

My view is that if you believe he is being unfaithful, he probably is.
And you don't need further proof.

Take Alicia's situation...
Hubby used to call her every day, a few times a day.
Then stopped; 'he's busy'.

That's .

One can ring up..."Hi honey, I'm rushing to my car, have
to get to Court, just called to see if you're okay...I'll ring
you back at dinner time."

Obviously, hubby is one of those lawyers who needs to
be reported to his local Bar Association.

It is a breach of Ethics to engage in sexual relationships
with one's clients and accept sexual payment.

I would suggest Alicia gets her hands on a good Divorce
Lawyer and get rid of this guy fast, before he is disbarred.

This can't be his only payment 'in kind'