help? my husband chooses his parents over us

**belinda** · 06-23-2009 08:48 AM

I have been married six years, I love my husband but cant take any more! my inlaws have never liked me, and have always come between us,they love causing trouble, i think my husband is scared of his dad who is always in his ear trying to split us up. things run smoohtly for a month or so then his dad finds something to cause trouble over, last week his dad actually attacked me in front of our children which caused them alot of upset.
Our little girl calls her grandad the nasty grandad who attacked mummy, i hate that as obviously she should love her grandparents. My husband appears to put his parents before me and the children, never stands up for me even though he admits his dad is wrong. They live opposite us so i cant avoid them. does any one have any ideas, i have tried repeatedly to sort things out with the inlaws but its no good.

**WildChild** · 06-23-2009 10:12 AM

Any reason why you can't move? A little distance may help in many ways. It would give all of you a break, perhaps allow your husband to stand on his own feet more, and just gift you a rest from the situation.

**Me And Mom MS** · 06-23-2009 04:13 PM

I have the same problem and so does my mother. My suggestion would be to sit grandad down, and lay it out. Don't be polite. Just tell him how it is. Say, "I'm here. I'm not going away. Either deal with it, or don't come around." Sometime's it takes that kind of blatantness.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-23-2009 04:22 PM

last week his dad actually attacked me in front of our children

An abuser will continue to abuse until someone faces them and says "NO MORE"...

I agree with the above poster.

Your husband can't deal with it, probably put up with it all his life and can't face his Father to say "NO MORE", and the cycle is continuing onto you but more so onto your children.. What they see, they do not like but that doesn't mean that after years of watching it, it won't condition them to think it's "normal", and therefore be abused themselves in some way.

YOU have to stop it.

YOU have to say "NO MORE", you do it again and I will call he Sheriff and get you locked up as you deserve, MEN DO NOT HIT WOMEN...

Furthermore, Until you can act like a "Grandfather" to my children, my front door is locked and you are not welcome in my home.

Stand tall, firm.

I have read so many books and short stories, "true life" and the only way the abuse could and did stop was the day the person being abused said "NO MORE"...

He will continue until he knows that your stronger than he thought and put a stop to it from happening, then he will focus on someone else.

Sad, but reality..

CW

**happy ending** · 06-23-2009 07:48 PM

i agree with the above posters. it would be better for your children to have no grandparents than to watch that. if your husband expects you to put up with that - then you would probably be better off with no husband too. i am sorry if i sound harsh, but i am disgusted and saddened by what you have to deal with. stay strong for the sake of your children and yourself - take care.

**dr.mansview** · 06-23-2009 10:04 PM

the above posters all have valid suggestions but ultimately i believe hubby has to grow some nads and tell his dad that his wife is to be respected because she is his wife and i love her.."belinda's" talks have fallen on deaf ears..hubby must set things straight..

**HALFNOTHING** · 06-24-2009 01:02 AM

agree with dr.mansview..

try to hit your husband. if he gets angry, tell him he's lack of balls..
He admitted that his dad was wrong but just set put not even saying hi and ho.?
in laws don't like you.. don't like them either. you can live without them.. they're not the one who raise you and give you life. you have life because of someone else better.. you can't believe, my ex in law don't like me also. there was this time that i attacked my ex mother in law.. people there used to afraid of her but why should i afraid? i'm not their maid to treat like that. even maid have to treat good..

**happy ending** · 06-24-2009 09:00 PM

can i ask why you live opposite them, was it your hubbies idea? if you want your marriage to last you need to make it clear to your husband, you have to get away. how does grandpa treat his wife, he sounds like a scary old dude, but there is no need for anyone to have to put up with his carp.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-24-2009 09:07 PM

Is carp a new Australian word? Bit fishy...

But it does show some "control" if he "chose" to live opposite, good point..

CW

**Rose in the thorns** · 06-25-2009 05:57 AM

i agree with the above posters. he will continue to see how far he can take it, once an abuser always an abuser. Your husband needs to get a back bone and face what he has been denying. If he doesnt set things straight you have to eventhough it's hard. Your husband wil always be loyal to his family as they are his family but tell him how you feel and if he takes no action then have the confidence to put it right. Your children will begin to resent their grandfather and if these no change then they will surely see more of the verbal and phyical abuse. If all else fails suggest moving to your husband getting space for yourfamily will benefit you. Try aksing them why they have a problem with you, it may hurt hearing what they have to say but knowing why may help you stand up to them.hope this helps.