a deployed soldier needs help plz read

solders_nvr_die · 07-02-2009, 03:41 AM

okay im 20 in iraq my wifes 23 we have a son that i am not the biological dad but i did step up and i have taken care of him and my wife his real father never has been in his life and when he was born i sighn the papers i do consider him mine no matter wut but shortly after i deployed my wife started shooting meth and i found out when i went home for rr after 5 months i went home for 2 weeks i found needles and my wife was coming dwn the first 3 days for rr she had marks it was very sad i cried she tld me she wld stop but shortly after i left i found out she was back into it so i gave her a chance to leave her friends and move to another city (no chance of that happening) so i called cp's and our sons with mother inlaw until my wife does wut she needs to get of by the program through cps well i spoke to her last night and i had suspision of her messing around and we spoke she jst tld me that since this has happend she sees temtaions with other men but has not acted on it but idk for sure we are supposed to tlk more bout it later today but i truly want to know and wut do i do if she has? i love her so much

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-02-2009, 03:53 AM

What did she put up with before she met you?

Look at why she chose you...

She wants so badly to get on the right track but she's hurting I think badly of the past.

You have written threads/posts about what you feel you need to do next but if she is on drugs, your going to have a very big struggle.

You have your head screwed on the right way but you "can't save someone" they have to be ready to do it themselves and it's so hard when they are addictive, I think she is addictive and I can't answer whether she has done the dirty on you seriously because with drugs they do and can and can't admit because they so what to lead the better life but can't work out how to get there..

Love "she wants to stop" but she can't she needs help...

You need to talk to her about her past as you know, so what was her reaction to
csp?

I am feeling she wants but is not ready to do so...

Can her family/yours help in this?

CW

solders_nvr_die · 07-02-2009, 04:04 AM

her reaction to cps was pissed off so bad didnt speak to me for almost a month then after speaking to her mom her mom tld her y i had to do it and she is more than willing to get the help from cps right now we are just waiting for them to tell us wut she has to go through and then she can start but when we tlk she says she does want us to be together but she has lied so much about not using and the times i called wut she was up to i do have a feeling and after her telling me she looks at me dif since i called and she has temtasions ever since the cps but she didnt act on em im so far away and its so tough to do wut i do and be away from my family

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-02-2009, 04:23 AM

Quote:

her mom her mom tld her y i had to do it

It's evident she needs help then if her own Ma is trying to get her to do so, as I said, she has a past, something has hurt her badly and or/ if not she was always into drugs but wants a better life, yours..

Addicts, will say what ever to get where they need/hope to get, so be aware that maybe she has "made mistakes" whilst married.

Did you not know her past before you married her? Her sadness?

Bottom line is, you may never know darlin what happened now but as her "husband" you should know what happened in her past.

I am sorry to keep asking questions but what do you know about her?

CW

**starjoy08** · 07-02-2009, 12:41 PM

When drugs are involved it is very hard. She has to be the one to stop and change. You can only provide support for her healthy decisions. Being honest is the best thing in a situation like this. You must be honest and she must.

**WildChild** · 07-02-2009, 12:51 PM

This is a toughie. It would be hard to deal with if you were right by her side, trying to deal with it long distance must be maddening. She is on a course to self destruction and realistically only she can change that. It's good the child isn't in her care. She needs professional help, to be removed the sphere of "freinds" who support this behavior and to truly want to stop. Unfortunately you can only work through intermediaries.

solders_nvr_die · 07-02-2009, 02:37 PM

yea i spoke to her and she tld me she cheated and blames me for everything we are through its so hard im a good guy really and been faithfull and now thats wut i get so f this i quite i am getting a divorce and taking our child im done

**WildChild** · 07-02-2009, 04:47 PM

People with these types of problems do typically blame everyone and everything else. They aren't good at taking responsibility for their actions.

**Joy** · 07-02-2009, 06:00 PM

first of all i'm so sorry you have to deal with being in Iraq, a wife who is home shooting Meth , and your son.

Meth is a terrible drug inside of 3 months it changes a person so much and really robbs them of who they are. Meth is highly addictive and has a high relapse rate. Get as much education on this drug as you possibly can if you are going to support your wife getting clean.

If I were in this situation and once the shock wore off I would want to address the Issue of Disease from Needle injecting. Make sure she gets a full blood screen.

All Addictes blame others for their problems till they start getting honest with themselves. You have played a role in this perhaps as an enabler but you were not holding her down and injecting Meth into her body.

You stated in another thread she was using drugs because of low self esteem and to control her weight. You didn't mention it was Meth. She must have a history of some drug useage of some type cause no one wakes up one day and decides they are gonna go out and score some Meth to see if it takes them down a pound or two. People who are trying to control weight usually go to "diet coke" Cocaine.

I"m not saying run from this situation but don't kid yourself This is a bad a$$ addiction and it won't be easy. You are a nice guy and i'm sure you have your skeltons too but CW and many others are right on the money when they say she has to really want to give up Meth and abusing herself in order to stay clean and be clean.

**starjoy08** · 07-02-2009, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by solders_nvr_die

yea i spoke to her and she tld me she cheated and blames me for everything we are through its so hard im a good guy really and been faithfull and now thats wut i get so f this i quite i am getting a divorce and taking our child im done

Good for you. You are young and have time for a totally new future!!!

07-02-2009, 03:41 AM	#1
solders_nvr_die Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 13	a deployed soldier needs help plz read okay im 20 in iraq my wifes 23 we have a son that i am not the biological dad but i did step up and i have taken care of him and my wife his real father never has been in his life and when he was born i sighn the papers i do consider him mine no matter wut but shortly after i deployed my wife started shooting meth and i found out when i went home for rr after 5 months i went home for 2 weeks i found needles and my wife was coming dwn the first 3 days for rr she had marks it was very sad i cried she tld me she wld stop but shortly after i left i found out she was back into it so i gave her a chance to leave her friends and move to another city (no chance of that happening) so i called cp's and our sons with mother inlaw until my wife does wut she needs to get of by the program through cps well i spoke to her last night and i had suspision of her messing around and we spoke she jst tld me that since this has happend she sees temtaions with other men but has not acted on it but idk for sure we are supposed to tlk more bout it later today but i truly want to know and wut do i do if she has? i love her so much

07-02-2009, 03:53 AM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,481 Blog Entries: 6	What did she put up with before she met you? Look at why she chose you... She wants so badly to get on the right track but she's hurting I think badly of the past. You have written threads/posts about what you feel you need to do next but if she is on drugs, your going to have a very big struggle. You have your head screwed on the right way but you "can't save someone" they have to be ready to do it themselves and it's so hard when they are addictive, I think she is addictive and I can't answer whether she has done the dirty on you seriously because with drugs they do and can and can't admit because they so what to lead the better life but can't work out how to get there.. Love "she wants to stop" but she can't she needs help... You need to talk to her about her past as you know, so what was her reaction to csp? I am feeling she wants but is not ready to do so... Can her family/yours help in this? CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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07-02-2009, 04:04 AM	#3
solders_nvr_die Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 13	her reaction to cps was pissed off so bad didnt speak to me for almost a month then after speaking to her mom her mom tld her y i had to do it and she is more than willing to get the help from cps right now we are just waiting for them to tell us wut she has to go through and then she can start but when we tlk she says she does want us to be together but she has lied so much about not using and the times i called wut she was up to i do have a feeling and after her telling me she looks at me dif since i called and she has temtasions ever since the cps but she didnt act on em im so far away and its so tough to do wut i do and be away from my family

07-02-2009, 12:41 PM	#5
starjoy08 VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: In the Alabama area Posts: 60 Blog Entries: 1	When drugs are involved it is very hard. She has to be the one to stop and change. You can only provide support for her healthy decisions. Being honest is the best thing in a situation like this. You must be honest and she must.

07-02-2009, 12:51 PM	#6
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 5,860 Blog Entries: 4	This is a toughie. It would be hard to deal with if you were right by her side, trying to deal with it long distance must be maddening. She is on a course to self destruction and realistically only she can change that. It's good the child isn't in her care. She needs professional help, to be removed the sphere of "freinds" who support this behavior and to truly want to stop. Unfortunately you can only work through intermediaries.

07-02-2009, 02:37 PM	#7
solders_nvr_die Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 13	yea i spoke to her and she tld me she cheated and blames me for everything we are through its so hard im a good guy really and been faithfull and now thats wut i get so f this i quite i am getting a divorce and taking our child im done

07-02-2009, 04:47 PM	#8
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 5,860 Blog Entries: 4	People with these types of problems do typically blame everyone and everything else. They aren't good at taking responsibility for their actions.

07-02-2009, 06:00 PM	#9
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 623 Blog Entries: 5	first of all i'm so sorry you have to deal with being in Iraq, a wife who is home shooting Meth , and your son. Meth is a terrible drug inside of 3 months it changes a person so much and really robbs them of who they are. Meth is highly addictive and has a high relapse rate. Get as much education on this drug as you possibly can if you are going to support your wife getting clean. If I were in this situation and once the shock wore off I would want to address the Issue of Disease from Needle injecting. Make sure she gets a full blood screen. All Addictes blame others for their problems till they start getting honest with themselves. You have played a role in this perhaps as an enabler but you were not holding her down and injecting Meth into her body. You stated in another thread she was using drugs because of low self esteem and to control her weight. You didn't mention it was Meth. She must have a history of some drug useage of some type cause no one wakes up one day and decides they are gonna go out and score some Meth to see if it takes them down a pound or two. People who are trying to control weight usually go to "diet coke" Cocaine. I"m not saying run from this situation but don't kid yourself This is a bad a$$ addiction and it won't be easy. You are a nice guy and i'm sure you have your skeltons too but CW and many others are right on the money when they say she has to really want to give up Meth and abusing herself in order to stay clean and be clean.