need to vent, yet again!

spaghetti · 07-03-2009, 11:51 PM

Ok, so my lovely husband has a migraine headache, he gets them once in awhile. So, he called me saying he was having a migraine headache, and wanted to come home and sleep. I said ok, come home, have lunch and rest for some time. He did just that. I had started organizing the spare bedroom that we have converted to our little office. We bought curtains to put up. My brother helped me out with some stuff, but then he had to go. So, when my husband woke up, he asked if I wanted to go with him to his friends place and hang out with them because a friend he hasn't seen in a while who doesn't bother to call my husband to ask how he is doing, is going to be there. So, all of a sudden, this so called friend became more important than helping me screw the rod material in the wall, so that I can hang the rod with the curtains on it (which I did by myself, while he moped and complained and just sat around while I was barely able to screw the screws into the wall with the drill). I said, no I want to hang the curtains that I had asked you to help me hang last week! well, he got mad, stating that I don't like hanging out with his friends, I don't like hanging out with his family, I don't like doing anything! and he also said that he's going to go by himself to his friends place. I said fine, go. I don't mind. I want to get my things done tonight. So, he huffed and puffed, and ended up not going. WTF??? what happened to his headache??? so, he felt that his headache would go away if he was with his friends. Its now, 10pm, and he went to bed. why? because he has a headache!

I want to cry, but I can't. I feel like I made a mistake marrying him. I look back at all those times that I could have broken up with him. Why didn't I just do that. Why did I marry him? I'm such an idiot for thinking that he would grow up and prioritize his life accordingly. He called his stupid brother for whatever reason, I have no idea why..and all he fought about with his brother was why we haven't court married yet. and now, his brother is saying that he won't visit my husband till he gets court married because my husband and I are "deceiving" our relatives since we are not legally married! I hate his brother for creating problems for me. I'm sooo frustrated right now. I'm just so mad at myself.

Anyhow

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-04-2009, 03:51 AM

Quote:

So, when my husband woke up, he asked if I wanted to go with him to his friends place and hang out with them because a friend he hasn't seen in a while who doesn't bother to call my husband to ask how he is doing, is going to be there. So, all of a sudden, this so called friend became more important than helping me screw the rod material in the wall, so that I can hang the rod with the curtains on it

Quote:

He called his stupid brother for whatever reason, I have no idea why..and all he fought about with his brother was why we haven't court married yet. and now, his brother is saying that he won't visit my husband till he gets court married because my husband and I are "deceiving" our relatives since we are not legally married

Quote:

I feel like I made a mistake marrying him.

As a child, I could only say busgetti.

It's not relevant whether your "legally married or not". your together, living in the same house and he has responsibilities.

I said before and there is "NOTHING" wrong with what YOU WANT out of life, but you want a HUSBAND.. Someone whom will help you create a home, be a husband, have a life together.

Love, I think now what the real problem is, is that he can't be a married man, "COMMITTED", he avoids commitment, jobs, studying, hanging curtains.. He's a lad whom just wants fun and a relationship that allows that.

People need to read your past threads to get that.

You did good to hold your tongue but your not "married legally' so quit stressing and realise that this man is too young maybe, or too non understanding of what people do together.

Sure, you wanted to hang curtains and he wanted to catch up with mates, your maternal, motherly, marriage, I don't think he is, he's having problems with committing to anything..

CW

**Joy** · 07-04-2009, 09:11 PM

ok you have not had a legal ceremony but live common law.......... well you aren't married then legally. Unless i've misread your above statement. You are unhappy and dissatisfied with this relationship its not what you want so work towards coming to terms with ending it.

No one is perfect we are all a work in progress... if you see you guys are on different paths in life and each want something different then have respect and dignity for both of you and as hard as it may be end this before you guys waste any more of each others time in life.

**WildChild** · 07-04-2009, 11:16 PM

Unless they have changed the law, Calif is a common law state and their requirements are that you live together as husband and wife for 6 months and then you are legally married and it requires a divorvce to separate. My guess would be that a lot of people don't follow procedure though. But she's not saying she wants out, just frustrated.

Thing is his priorities aren't always going to be yours. He may have planned to go visiting before he got the headache? Really the fact that while he was sleeping you decided to finish your project doesn't obligate him to jump in and work on it, does it? My guess is that the commincation between the two of you may not be the greatest? And there may be some other things bothering you?

**Joy** · 07-04-2009, 11:25 PM

Thank you for clearing that up for me wildchild. I was getting the wrong impression. I agree with you too often we assume our partner should be jumping in and doing what we want on our schedule. I am guility of that too

Communication is key.

**HALFNOTHING** · 07-05-2009, 12:16 AM

Hello.....

you two need an adjustment.. you need him to be committed to your relationship and so as you.. Marriage is not only you two in home and sex.. he has family and friends. he cannot just forget them.. you must hangout with his friends and family and so he is.. his friends and family is part of your marriage.. not unless, he is doing that everyday and forget his work and responsibility as a husband..

Quote:

So, he huffed and puffed, and ended up not going.

see? he is trying his best not to hurt you.. if he doesn't care about you, he can just to go there and leave you u alone.. he didn't go because of you got mad and doesn't want to come.. you're lucky..

spaghetti · 07-05-2009, 12:54 AM

hmm...ok, I like all that I have read, each response makes sense. We did talk about it today. and he apologized for being rude. he just wanted to hang out with his friends with me since it was fri night, and this was his only night that he could actually hang out without having to go to work early the next morning. And while I can somewhat understand that, he did make up for it by helping me around the house and fixing things. I guess we are just ironing out the differences. So, hopefully he gets it, and realizes that we have to work together to make a house into a home. Which I have been trying to do. and if he wants to be a part of it, he can. If not, then that's his choice. and I will put up a fight though. sometimes I wonder if I married a girl in a man's body. seriously.

I just need him to bend a little more, and then I think it will all be ok. Hopefully. He will have to grow up eventually.

**HALFNOTHING** · 07-05-2009, 01:00 AM

good to hear...

i told you.. you're lucky

**starjoy08** · 07-05-2009, 09:38 AM

Well, For the paperwork, does not matter. BLAAAA. It is just paper work. With the others items, I kinda see it as you both are in different places in the relationship and until you all are in the same place, little things like this will happen. I think it happens to everyone. He needs to understand that you want to start "making a home" and you need to understand that he might be scared of that. Maybe if both sides can see what the other is going thur , then better communication have go on. Good Luck.

07-03-2009, 11:51 PM	#1
spaghetti Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sunny California Posts: 16	need to vent, yet again! Ok, so my lovely husband has a migraine headache, he gets them once in awhile. So, he called me saying he was having a migraine headache, and wanted to come home and sleep. I said ok, come home, have lunch and rest for some time. He did just that. I had started organizing the spare bedroom that we have converted to our little office. We bought curtains to put up. My brother helped me out with some stuff, but then he had to go. So, when my husband woke up, he asked if I wanted to go with him to his friends place and hang out with them because a friend he hasn't seen in a while who doesn't bother to call my husband to ask how he is doing, is going to be there. So, all of a sudden, this so called friend became more important than helping me screw the rod material in the wall, so that I can hang the rod with the curtains on it (which I did by myself, while he moped and complained and just sat around while I was barely able to screw the screws into the wall with the drill). I said, no I want to hang the curtains that I had asked you to help me hang last week! well, he got mad, stating that I don't like hanging out with his friends, I don't like hanging out with his family, I don't like doing anything! and he also said that he's going to go by himself to his friends place. I said fine, go. I don't mind. I want to get my things done tonight. So, he huffed and puffed, and ended up not going. WTF??? what happened to his headache??? so, he felt that his headache would go away if he was with his friends. Its now, 10pm, and he went to bed. why? because he has a headache! I want to cry, but I can't. I feel like I made a mistake marrying him. I look back at all those times that I could have broken up with him. Why didn't I just do that. Why did I marry him? I'm such an idiot for thinking that he would grow up and prioritize his life accordingly. He called his stupid brother for whatever reason, I have no idea why..and all he fought about with his brother was why we haven't court married yet. and now, his brother is saying that he won't visit my husband till he gets court married because my husband and I are "deceiving" our relatives since we are not legally married! I hate his brother for creating problems for me. I'm sooo frustrated right now. I'm just so mad at myself. Anyhow

07-05-2009, 01:00 AM	#8
HALFNOTHING Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 164	good to hear... i told you.. you're lucky __________________ Can't help it but to love

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07-04-2009, 09:11 PM	#3
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 677 Blog Entries: 5	ok you have not had a legal ceremony but live common law.......... well you aren't married then legally. Unless i've misread your above statement. You are unhappy and dissatisfied with this relationship its not what you want so work towards coming to terms with ending it. No one is perfect we are all a work in progress... if you see you guys are on different paths in life and each want something different then have respect and dignity for both of you and as hard as it may be end this before you guys waste any more of each others time in life.

07-04-2009, 11:16 PM	#4
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,551 Blog Entries: 6	Unless they have changed the law, Calif is a common law state and their requirements are that you live together as husband and wife for 6 months and then you are legally married and it requires a divorvce to separate. My guess would be that a lot of people don't follow procedure though. But she's not saying she wants out, just frustrated. Thing is his priorities aren't always going to be yours. He may have planned to go visiting before he got the headache? Really the fact that while he was sleeping you decided to finish your project doesn't obligate him to jump in and work on it, does it? My guess is that the commincation between the two of you may not be the greatest? And there may be some other things bothering you?

07-04-2009, 11:25 PM	#5
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 677 Blog Entries: 5	Thank you for clearing that up for me wildchild. I was getting the wrong impression. I agree with you too often we assume our partner should be jumping in and doing what we want on our schedule. I am guility of that too Communication is key.

07-05-2009, 12:54 AM	#7
spaghetti Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sunny California Posts: 16	hmm...ok, I like all that I have read, each response makes sense. We did talk about it today. and he apologized for being rude. he just wanted to hang out with his friends with me since it was fri night, and this was his only night that he could actually hang out without having to go to work early the next morning. And while I can somewhat understand that, he did make up for it by helping me around the house and fixing things. I guess we are just ironing out the differences. So, hopefully he gets it, and realizes that we have to work together to make a house into a home. Which I have been trying to do. and if he wants to be a part of it, he can. If not, then that's his choice. and I will put up a fight though. sometimes I wonder if I married a girl in a man's body. seriously. I just need him to bend a little more, and then I think it will all be ok. Hopefully. He will have to grow up eventually.

07-05-2009, 09:38 AM	#9
starjoy08 VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: In the Alabama area Posts: 60 Blog Entries: 1	Well, For the paperwork, does not matter. BLAAAA. It is just paper work. With the others items, I kinda see it as you both are in different places in the relationship and until you all are in the same place, little things like this will happen. I think it happens to everyone. He needs to understand that you want to start "making a home" and you need to understand that he might be scared of that. Maybe if both sides can see what the other is going thur , then better communication have go on. Good Luck.