All in his head?

**CLH** · 07-16-2009, 08:04 AM

So I have been married for 4 years. Our sex life has always been small due to him having a weak libido. With in the last 6 months we have found out he has a medical issue which contributes to the lack of sex drive; we haven't been able to pin point a diagnosis yet. I am not sure if he has taken this to the head, but we have not had sex since December. I am not a sex crazed maniac, but I do like a little love here and there and with out it I feel so lonely. I don't feel attractive or wanted anymore. I am trying to be sympathetic to his issue, but I need more. I have told him this so many times and it always ends in him telling me I am needy and selfish. My therapist told me I am doing everything right and the ball is in his court so to speak. Being patient is hard for me since I feel like a lot of his problems are just in his head. Any suggestions to get him to show affection again?

**WildChild** · 07-16-2009, 08:43 AM

Dealt with this with a man who turned out to have testicular cancer. While a medical condition explains his lack of libido, it doesn't excuse a lack of caring for you and an unwillingness to pleasure you. There are other ways if he can't perform sexually. You are going to have to evaluate the situation. Is it likely to change? Does he show you any consideration and caring? What was the relationship like previously?

Only you can decide what you are willing to live with. I stuck around to see him through the growing medical problems for years, but finally saw that the future held nothing but more and more dependence on me with no consideration at all for my feelings or needs (At one point I was sleeping on the floor in another room because of the smell and noise in the bedroom from his fish tanks- the fish were more important than me) I finally left. Should have done it sooner but I felt I couldn't "kick him when he was down", although he had no trouble "kicking" me. If you think this is a temporary situation, things were good before and will be again, then staying makes sense. If it was never really all that good and with his attitude isn't likely to improve regardless of the health issue- leave now.

**starjoy08** · 07-16-2009, 01:06 PM

Love is not sex. Showing love can mean alot of things. He can still show he cares.

07-16-2009, 08:04 AM	#1
CLH VIP Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 74	All in his head? So I have been married for 4 years. Our sex life has always been small due to him having a weak libido. With in the last 6 months we have found out he has a medical issue which contributes to the lack of sex drive; we haven't been able to pin point a diagnosis yet. I am not sure if he has taken this to the head, but we have not had sex since December. I am not a sex crazed maniac, but I do like a little love here and there and with out it I feel so lonely. I don't feel attractive or wanted anymore. I am trying to be sympathetic to his issue, but I need more. I have told him this so many times and it always ends in him telling me I am needy and selfish. My therapist told me I am doing everything right and the ball is in his court so to speak. Being patient is hard for me since I feel like a lot of his problems are just in his head. Any suggestions to get him to show affection again?

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07-16-2009, 08:43 AM	#2
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,690 Blog Entries: 6	Dealt with this with a man who turned out to have testicular cancer. While a medical condition explains his lack of libido, it doesn't excuse a lack of caring for you and an unwillingness to pleasure you. There are other ways if he can't perform sexually. You are going to have to evaluate the situation. Is it likely to change? Does he show you any consideration and caring? What was the relationship like previously? Only you can decide what you are willing to live with. I stuck around to see him through the growing medical problems for years, but finally saw that the future held nothing but more and more dependence on me with no consideration at all for my feelings or needs (At one point I was sleeping on the floor in another room because of the smell and noise in the bedroom from his fish tanks- the fish were more important than me) I finally left. Should have done it sooner but I felt I couldn't "kick him when he was down", although he had no trouble "kicking" me. If you think this is a temporary situation, things were good before and will be again, then staying makes sense. If it was never really all that good and with his attitude isn't likely to improve regardless of the health issue- leave now.

07-16-2009, 01:06 PM	#3
starjoy08 VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: In the Alabama area Posts: 60 Blog Entries: 1	Love is not sex. Showing love can mean alot of things. He can still show he cares.