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Reply With Quotethey do exist but not always in human formOriginally Posted by torn2pieces
Truth is, more first time marriages surivive than not. Those of us who've done it more than once have a higher failure rate and things like drugs and alcohol abuse increase the odds of failure. Don't expect failure.
they do exist but not always in human form
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
very much agree.
I bleed for you but it gets better though you feel like you're dead now. And most every state is on your side for support for your child. Use the system and make him accept his responsibility. It's not about you, but your child.
It's impossible where you are now to NOT think all men are pigs. Many are (and women too). They end up where they belong eventually.
I dated and and was in relationships (including a marriage) with every type of moron you can imagine for more than 10 years. To the point I felt they were "normal" and is how it is.
The man I'm with now I wouldn't trade for a millionaire, a rock star, or a model. He's 11 years older and now I feel I went through all the other just to appreciate how awesome he is.
You'll find a similar for for you after you recover. Know what you want and don't in a man and accept nothing less.
Be good to you and vent or ask whatever you want here. The people are nice and will do their best for you.
In today's age... It's totally different I believe.
Once our parents, theirs, remained married but un-happy only to find towards the end some became best friends but without sex, other's un-happy but believed in the word.
Today, settlements scare the carp out of men, what they "lose" but in today's age, women bring money into the home as well.. In the oldern days they didn't bare foot, pregnant, tending to the house, cooking and raising the children.
Therefore, it's my opinion that men have other worries, now...
What she will take and lets face it most women are so mad/angry that they do...
And so there is a reluctance for the commitment.
Then they go through their teenage faze which never seems to end? Motorbikes, something that makes them feel young and "cool"...
Then the hopeless romantics want the "soul" but don't understand that aint going to happen over night...
To find a man whom understands "emotions" of a woman and tend to that knowing that in return she will tend to his needs, is MODERN and therefore, hard to find...
It appears to be "all to hard"...
It's not..
It's quite simple, understand us and in return we shall understand you..
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Honestly just by reading your post I got tears on my eyes. My ex did the same thing except the being with another Sknk. My son was 6 months old. We seperated due to finance problems. Well he later ended up going everywhere with his new found friends. He met a lot of ladys and still decided to throw it in my face about it. After more than a year a found my husband and never looked back on my ex.
Healing takes time, sometimes if feel that you will be like this forever, but sooner or later you will past this situation and probably find a better guy out there. Just one thing I want you to keep in your head. No one comes before your son. Cherish every moment of his time. Go out and do activities often with him. Love him first before you start loving any one else. Oh yeah by the way child support is a good way to start so you can get through.
Take care sweety.
Why does love hurt so much?
My dad did the same to my mother, to this day, I will never forgive him for what he has done to her, But i am so grateful for my mother staying strong for me and my brother. Our biggest obstacle was money. I hardly remember having any, and it made her sad she couldn't give me the world. However she stayed strong for us. Now, im 20 going to college, and my father is begging to be back in our lives. My mother is my number one. Words can't explain how much i love her and how i look up to her.
Broken, stay strong for your son, trust me he will appreciate all of it. And for your ex, just remember "You reap what you sow"
honey, i am so sorry. I too am going through the same situation. have you thought about counseling?. My first session was today. It helped a little
Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? If you can rent "Why did I get married" by Tyler Perry, Diary of a Mad Black woman by Tyler perry , Waiting to exhale don't know who made that one, Hope Floats with Sandra Bullock.
I know its hard to pick up the pieces, I've never been married but I have experienced it first hand. I'm a single mom (which most members of this forum are probably sick of hearing by now...since I respond to a lot of post like this) He is the one missing out...you need to remind yourself of this every time you start thinking about it. Use that anger and hurt to get a jump start on being the best woman you can be for yourself and for your child!
Then get a good lawyer and take him for EVERYTHING he is worth...make him realize the sheer truth and joy in "it's cheaper to keep her" LOL being that he was the one who was unfaithful the courts are automatically on your side! Alimony and child support baby! See how happy and giddy he is when he gets it automatically drawn from his paycheck! I would sit outside his job and snap a picture the first time he opened his check of what I like to call the shock face! Frame it and put it right infront of the door so every time he comes to pick up the baby he can see it! (you know...lol I crack myself up I really have a mean streak dont I ...)
Then download the song Survival of the Fittest by Mobb Deep...listen to that chorus! Survival of the Fittest only the strong survive...find that strength you have it! We all have it.
Now is the time to make your list
1. are there any dreams you have for yourself, do you want to go to school? do you want a raise, do you want to switch jobs? Do you want to travel? Even if its dance class or taking a boxing class, cooking class...it can be anything you want to do. YOu need something to redirect and focus your anger and pain in a more productive fashion than self loathing
2. Is there anything you want to change about your physical appearance...as in weight or hair etc ...some times slight changes to your physical appearance can be liberating..like creating a new you (it also helps because he realizes you aren't just sitting back wallowing in his disappearance...that you are your own woman!)
3. Write it out..sometimes it helps to just write when you hurt why you hurt and just throw it away or burn it (in a safe sensible place) Self therapy...when you do it remind yourself what you are doing...you are throwing this away! Away from you to create a space for happiness and healing
4. Enjoy the little things! Some times I have to count when the sun comes out, when its nice out, when I catch that yellow light vs being stuck at the red, when my daughters tell me they love me and I know that they truly mean it! Just all the little things that we don't normally notice
My point in all of this is life goes on and everything happens for a reason, even though we might not see it right now we serve a greater purpose and its up to us to catch the signs as to what that purpose is. You won't be lonely...you have busy days ahead! Make them count, make them memorable
If you need to talk, vent or someone to listen...I'm here and I'm sure the forum is also!
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
Good points but the court stuff depends on the state. My state is no fault, infidelity doesn't matter to the court.
Thats bull! It should count everywhere!
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
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