Thread: My husband left me, support needed please

Put all your attention on your little one, and move on. And take a 2 day break with friends, get some good rest, and sit with a new plan of action for the future.

Its about you and your child, be with some friends, or family. what he did, was sheepish, and he wont fair well, but regret and stopping going forward will make you sick... No time, yu have a little one to look at for, and he/she will be reading the emotons,so dont pass them on.,,, Lots of walks, go to diffeent places..
Well, done for finding out now, theres always a new start around the corner, right now, we have some pain, but it will get better, it will.
Go to grandmas, and get some TLC Tender loving care..
Then come back, new hairdo, chnage the rooms round, move, but chnage dont sit with the bitterness, it makes you old..

I am going through a situation where my husband cleaned everything out when at my son's birthday. all he wants to talk about is the house, divorce, there is no money cause he took everything including billls, statements, racked up 4000.00 on my credit card. 15 years together is like wiping dust off his feet, i feel angry he does not want to talk about it. He says past is past. He moved into an apartment, and left me will all this heartache. I have a 5 year old son who is my entire life, right from the day I found out. I always got the I never wanted to have kids, and emotional turmoil about not wanting to get married.
I do appreciate the get a good lawyer. funny thing I felt I could never say anything without being condescended and that he always had control of the way he wanted. Yesterday, he said I know I said this can go on for the 2 years, but this is costing me money, and the divorce is going to happen. It is up to you, because you are in control. I know this, but I am always watching what I say for fear he will start trying to control my son more and go for more visitation. I am always in fear that I am losing everything including my sanity.

Originally Posted by Ahryin

Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? If you can rent "Why did I get married" by Tyler Perry, Diary of a Mad Black woman by Tyler perry , Waiting to exhale don't know who made that one, Hope Floats with Sandra Bullock.

I know its hard to pick up the pieces, I've never been married but I have experienced it first hand. I'm a single mom (which most members of this forum are probably sick of hearing by now...since I respond to a lot of post like this) He is the one missing out...you need to remind yourself of this every time you start thinking about it. Use that anger and hurt to get a jump start on being the best woman you can be for yourself and for your child!
Then get a good lawyer and take him for EVERYTHING he is worth...make him realize the sheer truth and joy in "it's cheaper to keep her" LOL being that he was the one who was unfaithful the courts are automatically on your side! Alimony and child support baby! See how happy and giddy he is when he gets it automatically drawn from his paycheck! I would sit outside his job and snap a picture the first time he opened his check of what I like to call the shock face! Frame it and put it right infront of the door so every time he comes to pick up the baby he can see it! (you know...lol I crack myself up I really have a mean streak dont I ...)
Then download the song Survival of the Fittest by Mobb Deep...listen to that chorus! Survival of the Fittest only the strong survive...find that strength you have it! We all have it.
Now is the time to make your list
1. are there any dreams you have for yourself, do you want to go to school? do you want a raise, do you want to switch jobs? Do you want to travel? Even if its dance class or taking a boxing class, cooking class...it can be anything you want to do. YOu need something to redirect and focus your anger and pain in a more productive fashion than self loathing
2. Is there anything you want to change about your physical appearance...as in weight or hair etc ...some times slight changes to your physical appearance can be liberating..like creating a new you (it also helps because he realizes you aren't just sitting back wallowing in his disappearance...that you are your own woman!)
3. Write it out..sometimes it helps to just write when you hurt why you hurt and just throw it away or burn it (in a safe sensible place) Self therapy...when you do it remind yourself what you are doing...you are throwing this away! Away from you to create a space for happiness and healing
4. Enjoy the little things! Some times I have to count when the sun comes out, when its nice out, when I catch that yellow light vs being stuck at the red, when my daughters tell me they love me and I know that they truly mean it! Just all the little things that we don't normally notice

My point in all of this is life goes on and everything happens for a reason, even though we might not see it right now we serve a greater purpose and its up to us to catch the signs as to what that purpose is. You won't be lonely...you have busy days ahead! Make them count, make them memorable
If you need to talk, vent or someone to listen...I'm here and I'm sure the forum is also!

I am so appreciate for everyones support
It just seems it is his way, as far as when I say or want to talk about what happened in the past, i.e the way he left, the enormous amount he racked on my credit card.
as far as support, he got a letter for a master's hearing as he was getting insurance taken out of his check which should not have been.
Well, he was all bent out of shape, and I am afraid of the retaliation as we have a custody review hearing for my son coming up, which he said we could handle ourselves without the lawyers.
Now since getting the letter, the tune has changed and he wants everything in writing.
I am the one that filed for custody hearing after he left.
I am so sick of his control and him playing like it is his way or now way.
I just feel if I don't bow down and play his game, it will make things worse.

I cant assure you I can give words of hope, but maybe in truth there will be.
Even though he has expectations of a husband, he is human. There could have easily been a time when you felt that you didnt feel that he was the right one for you anymore and done the same thing.
Sure he didnt go about it the right way, but act towards him like you dont care and dont even give him the time of day.
And dont be jealous of him and the mistress...look at the kind of scumbag she landed herself....a low life cheater who left a wife and child. Would YOU take a man like that?
There will bea time when she is in the same boat as you are, so just pretend you never met his and focus on your new life as a single mother.
The best revenge is to better yourself. Go to the gym, get a makeover, get hot etc....dont call him or cry to him, because believe me, unless he is some kind of machine, he does think of you and his actions everyday, but its his weenie that has him spellbound to the new broad.
If you show him that you dont care, and go about living your life better than when you were with him, this will surely make him think hard about himself and he will actually get a complex and be like, why isnt she bugigng over me? why is she glad im gone? and he will feel badly.
what happened, happened. you will find another. just make sure that you are independant and at ease with being single when you do find another, so you dont land another jerk.