my husband lies to me

spaghetti · 08-04-2009, 12:58 AM

about his smoking habit! he always tells me that he doesn't smoke, when i can smell it on him.. and despite telling him not to smoke in my car, he doesn't listen! he still does it and denies it! what should i do?? he always asks me to "help him quit" and that its "too hard" i just smelled cigarette in my car, and came in and questioned him about the pack. he says he finished the pack already so he doesn't have it! i just want to smack him and kick his freakin out of the house! hes such a loser!!!

Mrs Doodles · 08-04-2009, 05:53 AM

Problem with smokers is they dont think they smell of fags when they do

or they think going around smelling like a used ashtray is a turn on who knows!

Luckily my DH doesnt smoke nor do i we are both VERY anti-smokers but if he did and smoke in my car id kill him!!

If your Husband is such a loser then why are you with him??

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-04-2009, 06:06 AM

Quote:

so he doesn't have it! i just want to smack him and kick his freakin out of the house! hes such a loser!!!

Spaghetti, please don't say that don't you understand addictions?

PORN
ALCOHOL
MASTURBATION ( not really)
CIGARETTES

It is an addition.. Simple... He can't help himself...

Quote:

he always tells me that he doesn't smoke

Addict... Denial.

Quote:

and despite telling him not to smoke in my car, he doesn't listen!

Addict, Denial.

Quote:

he always asks me to "help him quit"

AND? What have you done? To help? Love him?

Quote:

and that its "too hard" i just smelled cigarette in my car, and came in and questioned him about the pack. he says he finished the pack already so he doesn't have it!

Cry for help, Addict, denial....

For goodness sake, it's just cigarettes... Loser?

He has asked you for help twice, to scorn him or call him names NUP, that's not the way? What is, is to help him find a way, which means he really wants to give up, god who doesn't who smokes, I smoke, I have so much will power for everything but this ADDICTION is worse "as they say" than heroin....

You love someone? You hear them when they ask for help....you so what you can to do so.

Wouldn't you expect him to be there for you over "anything?"

You need to understand the situation or try to, you look into it and see if you can make it easier.

I don't get this loser bit?

Sorry, I just think your not, well thinking.

CW

**OhThereYouAre** · 08-04-2009, 10:28 AM

Show some support. Do some research. Help him.

Don't make demands and wonder why he can't change.

Here's a start......sit down with him when you are both in a good mood. Have a glass of wine or beer or vodka, whatever you guys like.

Make a list of the pros and cons of smoking. (There aren't any pros except alleviating his cravings.) Think health, money wasted, higher health care and insurance rates.....he has to see the proof on paper. Tell him you love him and will do anything to help him quit.

**Ahryin** · 08-04-2009, 12:16 PM

I agree with both CW and T ... there are free programs in every city, every state with support groups and free information. Explain to him that he is not only putting his life at risk but YOUR lives. If it bothers you this much helping him succeed in kicking this habbit should be your top priority and not just his burden but yours. You are married which means he should not have to go through this alone

Brunette · 08-04-2009, 05:03 PM

I don't smoke, and neither does my boyfriend, but sometimes he has one with a drink and that doesnt bother me, but if he did smoke full time it would probably bother me because of the health risks... My mom smokes too much and I hate it... not because i think it's disgusting or wrong, just because im scared its gonna kill her.

I think you should try and stop being annoyed with him for being a 'loser' for smoking, and ask yourself if you are actually worried about what it may be doing to his health, and if it still bothers you then you should definitely give him all the support you can to help him to stop (he obviously wants the help if he's already asked for it!).

**stressed** · 08-04-2009, 06:31 PM

Smoking is very addictive. Suggest him nicotine gums but please be understanding about it. Even if he wants to quit it's just extremely difficult. I've quit and restarted myself 3 times already and have had such issues with bf too. There are ways to quit but the first step is 100% wanting to quit, as otherwise no matter what other methods you'll use you'll go back to it.

Kung Fu Kitty · 08-04-2009, 06:42 PM

i quit 12 years ago,i might not have any cravings now...but it was extremely hard back then. i used the patch and finally broke the habit after trying to quit at least 20 times and failing.ease up a bit on him,what he is doing is not easy.

**Joy** · 08-04-2009, 09:52 PM

hey i've tried to quit and I still am trying to quit...... i think of all the things I have to live for and I wonder why I smoke?? Not cause I love smoking its the addiction and some how I allowed my self to become dependant on it. I get cranky and sleepy from withdrawals in the beginning. then about 3 weeks in I start to feel better and it keeps getting better each day there after. The 3 month mark is always hard too something about it makes you look back...... and teeter on the edge of going back.

Then one day you think you got it all kick and stubbed out and then you let it back into your life and the filthy habit takes control again.

Its will power has he decided he's smoked enough? What does he want to live for? I ask my self ever day trying to quit.

**stressed** · 08-05-2009, 03:08 PM

Actually, everyone I know who has quit has done so because their doctor said "you either quit now or you die from it".

My doctor hasn't said that yet...

08-04-2009, 12:58 AM	#1
spaghetti Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sunny California Posts: 16	my husband lies to me about his smoking habit! he always tells me that he doesn't smoke, when i can smell it on him.. and despite telling him not to smoke in my car, he doesn't listen! he still does it and denies it! what should i do?? he always asks me to "help him quit" and that its "too hard" i just smelled cigarette in my car, and came in and questioned him about the pack. he says he finished the pack already so he doesn't have it! i just want to smack him and kick his freakin out of the house! hes such a loser!!!

08-04-2009, 12:16 PM	#5
Ahryin Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: NY Posts: 662 Blog Entries: 4	I agree with both CW and T ... there are free programs in every city, every state with support groups and free information. Explain to him that he is not only putting his life at risk but YOUR lives. If it bothers you this much helping him succeed in kicking this habbit should be your top priority and not just his burden but yours. You are married which means he should not have to go through this alone __________________ Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

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08-04-2009, 05:53 AM	#2
Mrs Doodles Banned from WH Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Live in lincolnshire Posts: 142	Problem with smokers is they dont think they smell of fags when they do or they think going around smelling like a used ashtray is a turn on who knows! Luckily my DH doesnt smoke nor do i we are both VERY anti-smokers but if he did and smoke in my car id kill him!! If your Husband is such a loser then why are you with him??

08-04-2009, 10:28 AM	#4
OhThereYouAre Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 1,302	Show some support. Do some research. Help him. Don't make demands and wonder why he can't change. Here's a start......sit down with him when you are both in a good mood. Have a glass of wine or beer or vodka, whatever you guys like. Make a list of the pros and cons of smoking. (There aren't any pros except alleviating his cravings.) Think health, money wasted, higher health care and insurance rates.....he has to see the proof on paper. Tell him you love him and will do anything to help him quit.

08-04-2009, 05:03 PM	#6
Brunette Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 2	I don't smoke, and neither does my boyfriend, but sometimes he has one with a drink and that doesnt bother me, but if he did smoke full time it would probably bother me because of the health risks... My mom smokes too much and I hate it... not because i think it's disgusting or wrong, just because im scared its gonna kill her. I think you should try and stop being annoyed with him for being a 'loser' for smoking, and ask yourself if you are actually worried about what it may be doing to his health, and if it still bothers you then you should definitely give him all the support you can to help him to stop (he obviously wants the help if he's already asked for it!).

08-04-2009, 06:31 PM	#7
stressed Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Europe Posts: 147	Smoking is very addictive. Suggest him nicotine gums but please be understanding about it. Even if he wants to quit it's just extremely difficult. I've quit and restarted myself 3 times already and have had such issues with bf too. There are ways to quit but the first step is 100% wanting to quit, as otherwise no matter what other methods you'll use you'll go back to it.

08-04-2009, 06:42 PM	#8
Kung Fu Kitty Banned from WH Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Maine Posts: 126	i quit 12 years ago,i might not have any cravings now...but it was extremely hard back then. i used the patch and finally broke the habit after trying to quit at least 20 times and failing.ease up a bit on him,what he is doing is not easy.

08-04-2009, 09:52 PM	#9
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	hey i've tried to quit and I still am trying to quit...... i think of all the things I have to live for and I wonder why I smoke?? Not cause I love smoking its the addiction and some how I allowed my self to become dependant on it. I get cranky and sleepy from withdrawals in the beginning. then about 3 weeks in I start to feel better and it keeps getting better each day there after. The 3 month mark is always hard too something about it makes you look back...... and teeter on the edge of going back. Then one day you think you got it all kick and stubbed out and then you let it back into your life and the filthy habit takes control again. Its will power has he decided he's smoked enough? What does he want to live for? I ask my self ever day trying to quit.

08-05-2009, 03:08 PM	#10
stressed Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Europe Posts: 147	Actually, everyone I know who has quit has done so because their doctor said "you either quit now or you die from it". My doctor hasn't said that yet...