OhThereYouAre

I've wondered about this in a couple relationships.

Women who overuse the "L" word and expect to hear it all the time.

To me, it's a very, very special thing to say....something I reserve for only very special occasions when I feel very close to my partner.

People seems to throw this phrase around as it if were something meaningless.

I'm very much a believer in the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words."

Therefore, I believe that the way I act, and the things I do *show* my partner that I love her. I don't have to tell her.

Regardless, everyday before I leave for work, I get an "I love you" from my fiance. I feel that this cheapens the phrase and though she doesn't say anything, I can sense she gets irked if I don't say it back.

I say....Talk is cheap.....why do females like to hear those words? Wouldn't you rather be shown, than told how much your partner loves you?

WildChild

We are very verbal. You may just have to accept that she needs to hear it. Maybe consider that part of the action that speaks, only in this case, speaking is the action.
I do agree with you that many people over use the word love and the word hate.

Little

What if you crash and die on the way to work one morning? It's just a little thing she's asking, that you tell her you love her, and it upsets her if you don't say it back. Can you imagine having your last thoughts be, "I didn't tell her I loved her this morning"?
I had this problem with my ex, he wouldn't tell me he loved me as often as I'd like. However, we had the added difficulty of distance. I didn't mind if he was around and doing the things that plainly laid out that he loved me, but if he was away I needed to hear every night on the phone, no exceptions. When he went to Iraq, every email. And in the last two months of the relationship, he didn't say it at all. It drove me crazy. Seeds of doubt are easy to plant in the most secure relationship.

Ahryin

I have been with my SO for a year and he still has not told me. He does many things to show me but has a very hard time expressing himself verbally other than to tell me I'm his perfect match and very special to him. He just doesn't do it.
It doesn't bother me because I have been told many times by many different men that they love me but no action was put in place to actually show me what they believed love was.
It's good to hear it, but I would rather feel it around me and just....KNOW

__________________
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

LanaBear

You saying it to her every morning before you leave is one action that will speak VOLUMES. We love to hear those words. I agree that some people overuse them, but in a relationship between two committed people, I don't think it is possible to overuse it.

And, like Little said, there is always the "what if". What if something happened and then the only thing you can think of is that you didn't tell her that you loved her before you left or she thinks - he didn't say he loved me before he left... She wants you to hear those words from her every morning, maybe for this exact purpose.

I get 3 kisses and an I love you whenever I leave and vice versa. Those words mean no less today than they did when he first said them 14 years ago.

__________________
Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

Hopeless Dork

My boyfriend tells me he loves me in intimate moments, when he feels extra close to me, when he knows I need to hear the words the most it seems, they appear. He will sometimes just look at me and throw out a random I love you, but the I love you's usually follow some kind of special moment.

Meanwhile, I say it more often, everytime I leave him I usually say it.... 90 percent of the time he will throw it right back at me but sometimes he doesn't and just holds me close after I've said it. And yes, it irks me, and I find myself longing to hear those words back to me after I've said them.

But like you I think he reserves them for when they convey the genuine emotion of the moment and not just in passing like "love you babe, see you tomorrow" that I use it in sometimes.

When I say I love you in the moments I am feeling it the strongest, it does feel different than when I say love you before leaving the house. And your right, the latter is more customary and less heartfelt than the times it just comes natural to say.

The goodbye I love you is usually important like that other poster said because we want to know we are going away from you with you knowing that is how we feel, we want to carry it with us as well.

Do the "love you", "I love you" difference... when I am in the moment and my heart is bursting I say "I love you". when I am headed to leave the house I say "love you!!" and to me there is that difference. One is a greeting and one is more meaningful.

__________________
-------------
Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

OhThereYouAre

Wow. Good point.

OhThereYouAre

Just the thing is...she's in bed right before I leave and I always go and say goodbye, rub her shoulders/neck and give her kisses. So I'll be walking out of the room and I'll get an "I love you before I'm out of the room."

Isn't me getting up earlier than I have to everyday (and I get up really early) so I can have some close time with her before I leave show her I love her?

I dunno. I just don't like saying it all the time.

I see couples who say it all the time and they look like robots. Almost seems fake and rehearsed and its obvious they didn't think about it before they said it. Thing is, she's commented on this, in agreement, with some of our friends that are couples.

I'll have to work on this I guess....

Ahryin

If you don't feel comfortable saying it...how about writing it...like how she did for you, in places she can find them?

__________________
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

LanaBear

You really are too sweet for words, you know. Heart and soul, you are devoted to this girl, there is no question, but I think what HD said, hits the nail on the head.

"The goodbye I love you is usually important like that other poster said because we want to know we are going away from you with you knowing that is how we feel, we want to carry it with us as well."

If you've talked about it, she knows how you feel right? But maybe saying it before leaving each other is different for her. Maybe work on that... You don't have to say it all the time, but maybe the parting words are what she's looking for. Saying it before you leave each other and being robotic about it, saying it all the time are two different things.

__________________
Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!