That's something I don't get either... why some guys prefer to do it themselves when they have a woman there who is ready to go. I've already said this once today to someone else (I think)... I'm fine with my SO watching porn once in a while, it's not a very common occurence so whatever... but if it ever got to the point where a MONTH passes before the next time we have sex but he's still having fun with his porn all the while...then we have a problem.
The thing I found weird when I read over these is that you said he got all into it when you guys had sex, but then he pushed you off and went about his business. Talk about insulting. I wouldn't stand for that. I'd have to agree with everyone else, and say that a conversation is necessary here. Those are never fun, but like WC said, guys don't get subtle hints. Ever. You'll have to come right out and tell him how it's making you feel and maybe come to some sort of compromise. If he loves you and respects your feelings, you guys should be able to work it out. Especially if you're going to marry him.
Until then though, I'd also agree with the idea of throwing on a cute little number and strutting your stuff in front of him, and showing him the time of his life. Make him realize he has his own little vixen right there at home!
I've got to be direct
If I'm off please correct
You're standing on my neck....
With the LOML I know it's a self protective, "I'm independant" thing. He's been badly wounded in the past and seems to have become deteremined to pick at the scabs so to speak. He has had a couple of hits not related to me, in the past 6 months or so too, which hasn't helped. He makes comments about how "all women are the same....except you, you're different". I have no interest elsewhere so I'm giving him some time to see if he can work through it. But we are about due for a heart to heart.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Hey guys.. sorry haven't been on in a few days.. a lot has happened!
The last time i posted i was trying to figure out what to do, whether there was any connection between us. whether we could be happy again. After reading all the responses, and having a long, hard think about things, i worked myself up into a bit of a state.
I love the man with all my heart, but that's what makes it worse i suppose. The fact that all this would be so much easier if i didn't care for him so much.
Well, i decided to have one more bash at talking to him about things. We spoke for about 2 hours. He was full of apologies, doesn't know why he acts this way. He loves me more than anything. Blah de blah. (i say this as i have heard it all before!).
Anywho.. after our chat i decided to take some of your advice and slip into something sexy and give him a treat. He was 'tired' so there's me dressed up in stockings and suspenders, heels, the lot. And he was too 'tired' to do anything. I thought, fair enough, he's been at work all day. We both went to sleep. I woke up maybe an hour after i went to bed to find him in the living room, porn on, getting himself off!!
I'd had enough, in the morning i packed some stuff and me and my son are currently staying at my mums. I have had too much of this. I can't say that i've 'left him' as i really don't think i can, i love him too much. But i am definately going to stay as long as i can with my mother. Give him time to realise what he's missing.
Oh dear.
I recall only too well 1hr spent on doing all of that, only to also get rejected, due to "tiredness".
Men can be so in-sensitive.
Hun, he went and watched porn, instead, he's addicted.
You love him?
Tell us 1-10, (10) things that makes this guy worth being in your life....
1.
2.
etc...
We all "love" but that's down right disrespectful but worse, un-concerned at all about you, how you felt, what you may do, he didn't care, he's an addict.
You spent 2hrs talking and still he treated you like that?
I would be having serious thoughts, serious ones. Unless he goes and gets help over being an addict nothing, will ever change.
That's your call though not ours.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
CW - i know you're right. I know that he needs to get help. I really want him to get help. But until he realises that for himself i don't know what i can do!
Up until a few weeks ago, the porn was our only problem. He was always affectionate. He took me out, romanced me. He is an amazing father to our son. I think that may be part of the problem aswell, it would kill him if he couldn't see his son every day. I couldn't take his baby from him.
Honestly though, i dont think i could name 10 things. Not now. If you had asked that question six months ago i could have given you a hundred reasons. But now i am too angry to even think of one.
I have told him that he is to get help if he ever wants a chance with me again. He said he will. But who knows..
One thing's for sure though. If he doesn't change, then i am not putting myself in a position to be hurt again. I would rather put up with the heartache of knowing it's over, and starting to rebuild my life, than the constant hurt i will have to put up with for the rest of my life if he stays the same.
I'm in a grrr mood can you tellreading all of these threads, simular, men... x
So this only occured a few weeks ago? No wonder you can see past it for the time being, and be angry...
Then it's early stages and he got hooked real quick, again this to me says he has an addictive personality if he can get hooked so quick and refuse to see his actions and the reactions of those actions and what it has caused.
I don't believe that he even realises, it's like he covered over what happened, "yes dear", then went ahead again, waiting, waiting, for that computer screen to be available to him again, not you but that screen.
If it's early you may be able to catch it.
I admire you for doing what you did, going to Mums.
Don't accept, "sorry", I will change.... date him again... make him see what he missed, stay with Mum and date..
But having said that, be careful because you don't want him to have his cake and eat it, your not there he can watch till his heart is content, he can date you and see his child and go home and keep doing what he's doing, a bit like whooo hooo, i have it all.
DATE, later.... let him see what it's like to not have his "family" around.
If that makes sense.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
The porn thing has been going on for a while. But what i meant was apart from that everything else was good. Now it's like it's all he cares about.
There is no way that i am going to give him the best of both worlds. He has been told that he is to get help, and i want proof, before i even consider being with him again.
Things used to be so good. I know relationships don't stay in that honeymoon stage forever but there's a difference between less excitement, and none at all.
I miss being cuddled, just because. I miss being told i'm beautiful. I miss the feeling of knowing that i am loved.
I feel like i have given everything i can to him and it's just not good enough.
Arghhhh!!! Men!!! lol.
LOL..
Yessum...
Amen sister.
You have your head screwed on the right way....
Play it as you have to...
Remember that song? I believe in miracles? That just came to mind
I wish you success with this I truly do, and if not? Then with the better half you next meet in life.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Bash you?Originally Posted by Frustr8ed
You are 100% correct.
The guys who won't admit this are selfish or naive.
You poor thing. That is just disgraceful.
It doesn't sound like he's going to quit. He has to do it himself and make the decision to stop. He obviously hasn't made that decision yet, and the porn is more important than you. How awful.
*HOWEVER*
I don't know if leaving him is the right thing to do...you two have a child. After children, the ball game changes.
For example -
I remember about a week ago, we had a woman here posting about refusing sex with her husband for her vibrator. She just wasn't into sex with him anymore. No one suggested that her husband leave her. In fact, some recommended that she leave *him* since she wasn't attracted to him anymore.
Just some thoughts.
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