I think I caught him cheating

**Joy** · 09-01-2009 02:11 PM

ok if this was a work fling...... it wasn't a very sexy note in the card. Could there been a blow out at work at sometime and this was a co worker trying to iron out a difference of opinions. Is he a supervisor or could this be from his supervisor??

usually lover's notes are a bit more racy and intimate

If your marriage is in trouble this lil card has nothing graphic in it that would make you think he is having sex with someone else. If you want to work things out I wouldn't hold this up as a ahhhh you are cheating.. evidence.

**OGFL** · 09-01-2009 02:31 PM

[QUOTE=confusedinthemidwest;107997]Hello,
When I confronted him he said he had no idea where the card came from. He looked me dead in the eye when he was talking, but you must understand that due to the nature of his job he knows the signs of lying so part of me believes that he may have been trying to mask that because normally liers will not look you in the eye.

thats a popular misconception about lying,most of the time when people look you directly in the eye when speaking they are usually lying( usually). Not may be the case with your husband, but in my experience it has hold true most of the time.

if he is lying doesn't mean he cheated ( just not being honest about the card).

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-01-2009 04:08 PM

(He used to work nights)

Irrespective.. The card is old.

If he claims he didn't cheat, then I suspect he is talking about physically.

In my opinion, this happened before your marriage and he kept it. Or, there was an emotional affair of sorts that never went anywhere because clearly she is trying to "win" him, for future acknowledging there is a problem with present.

But, the card is old.

CW

**stressed** · 09-01-2009 04:09 PM

I've been lied to both by being looked straight in the eye and not. The reaction cannot tell you a thing. The card must have been his since it was in a box with your own private stuff, nobody else's. He worked nights and the card mentions something about having a good time at work. It's hard to know how far it went, maybe it's over now and it makes it easier for him to forget and lie about it, but something did happen. He knows you'd divorce him if he cheated so he'd say and do anything possible to hide such an incident. If it's over then it will be almost impossible for you to find out the details.

**confusedinthemidwest** · 09-01-2009 07:44 PM

Just to respond to some of the recent replies, yes he did work nights 3 years ago as a supervisor. Although he doesn't work nights anymore for his 8-5 day job he does work part time jobs some of which are at night. As far as the tone of the note I was paraphrasing, the word "us" was used several times. Believe me this is not a note an employee would send a supervisor as it was in no way work related. Being the curious person I am I examined the card and noticed the 94 cent price. I was shocked since it was a Hallmark card and as everyone knows their cards can be a little pricey. Apparently Hallmark recently launched(2008) a eco-friendly line of cards along with Walmart that costs???????????????????? 94 cents so as much as I want to believe it is from an ex-gf before we got together I really don't believe that is the case. And there in lies the problem..........

Thank you all for your advice, its time for me to make a decision as to what happens next.......

**Kakie** · 09-02-2009 03:51 AM

confront him again. give him another chance to be honest with you. see what he says. make your own decision about whether you can live with it or not.
sadly you may never know the *definitive* truth, so you just need to trust what you feel about the situation :/

**Miya** · 09-02-2009 08:01 AM

glad that the relationship would now focus on the positive not the negative and that they would adjust their attitude and learn to have patientce sp? and that they are excited about what the future holds for their relationship.

Personally speaking this doesn't sound like someone he's having an affair with, especially from the part about now focusing on the positive instead of the negative. That sounds like someone he's had some kind of problem with.

Does he do anything now to indicate disinterest or that he's messing around?

Perhaps there really isn't anything at all to this and your fears are causing you to read more into it that is actually there? People will see what they want to see even if the truth is really staring you in the face (or eyes)

Confront him again and tell him how you feel but assuming he's having/had an affair in this case is like putting cart before horse.

**Karma3** · 09-02-2009 02:13 PM

Do you know anyone else who works with your husband that you could just off the cuff ask a few innocent questions?? It may not be the best scenario, but the only thing you have right now is a card to go on.

Also....I would put the card up on a mantle or kitchen sink window ledge, just to give him the hint that you aren't easily forgetting about this.

Also, "looking forward to our future relationship" doesn't sound like a co-worker....it in fact sounds like a "relationship". From "me to "you" sounds like someone doesn't want to get caught or get someone else in trouble. If this was an innocent card, it would have names on it and it would be signed at the bottom. Getting rid of the negative and concentrating on the positive sounds like (if it is a girlfriend) that she is maybe getting a little impatient with the relationship? In my opinion, affairs can last forever with a guy....but with women, they eventually want the affair to become a relationship.

Has there been any other signs of an affair besides the card?

**stressed** · 09-02-2009 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by Miya

glad that the relationship would now focus on the positive not the negative and that they would adjust their attitude and learn to have patientce sp? and that they are excited about what the future holds for their relationship.

Personally speaking this doesn't sound like someone he's having an affair with, especially from the part about now focusing on the positive instead of the negative. That sounds like someone he's had some kind of problem with.

Hmm we'll it can be seen both ways.

"were glad that the relationship would now focus on the positive not the negative"

--> that can mean that they can focus on the happy times they spend together and not on the times when they are apart and how they can never be with each other.

"they would adjust their attitude and learn to have patientce"

--> i.e. learn to wait until it's safe to meet and not rush into risks just because they want to see each other badly.

" they are excited about what the future holds for their relationship."

--> perhaps there has been talk about a divorce and the possibility to live together in the distant future.

"Have a great night at work."

--> It's probably a person who doesn't work at the same place as he does but does know that he works nights.

As soon as the words"relationship" and "us" are mentioned in the same card then it cannot be sent from a friend. Also, the fact that it wasn't signed is suspicious. A friend would sign it, but not a person who doesn't want to be found. If this was an old girlfriend then she would have signed her name IN BIG LETTERS with lots of kisses etc. in the end. That's what I think...

**Kakie** · 09-03-2009 02:45 AM

totally agree with Stressed..

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