SueB

Has anyone here been through something called a "healing separation" or a "controlled separation?"

We've been married 10 years, together for 12, and have 3 and 6-year old boys. We've been in counseling since January of this year.

Our therapist asked/suggested if perhaps some space would help us gain the perspective and distance necessary to fix our issues. We love each other, but are not "in love" - whatever that means. I feel it, but I can't define it. We're best friends, and both good parents, but neither of us is happy together right now. Most of our issues are about communications style. I tend to think most are gender-related and maybe can't be "fixed" and that he's too picky. I just don't know.

He signed a 6-month lease this past weekend and is picking up keys this weekend. I'm scared. I'm also relieved that I'll have space. Our goal, as stated, is to fix things and stay together, but I'm afraid the separation will just convince us we're better apart.

Anyone have any experience with this?

HALFNOTHING

When i was with my ex husband.i was very scared of losing him even though we were hurting each other.. every time that he was not with me, i can say i have a peace of mind but i feel love him. i cannot convinced myself to set him free.. he's not the type of person to show sweetness and romance. so, what i feel is he's not in love with me anymore.. he's focus on the work and until the fight got worse and he learned to involve in another woman.. I was very hurt but When i came to decide to go away, he cried and didnt want to divorce me. i gave him another 1 year to decide who among us he will choose.. but until i found myself went away.. I run and found my true happiness. I realize that he's not worth it. and realize that i could be happy with someone else..

i dont know if you can relate but if you're not happy with him, give space between the two of you.. if you found what's best. dont afraid of letting go..

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Can't help it but to love

Kakie

this strikes me as being a bit like the old quote 'if you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever"... if you and your partner are going to split up for good then i think that will happen regardless of whether you stay together in the same house or if you do this trial separation.. equally, if theres enough love there to mend things then you will both realise that, where ever you are each living.. it sounds like a tough situation but i'm a massive believer in 'what will be, will be'... i hope it works out for you.