need help. marriage falling apart

**meggo** · 09-06-2009, 11:45 AM

So we have been married for almost 4 years and have a son together who is 10 months old. My husband is almost regularly emotionally abusive. He is just really rude to me snaps at me for stupid stuff and is very ungratefull. On occasion he has been physically abusive. For instance we got in a fight one time and he threw in my face. I told him how much it bithers me and that i am unhappy. He says he has nothing to change and im just being a dramatic women. When i brought up the pee thing, he said if i ever slap him again he;d do it again. I need advice so bad. Im miserable in my marriage and he doesnt want to make things better.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-06-2009, 04:16 PM

Meggo.. You got married at 16? wow... I say that because you state your 20 in most of your posts, so that means he was your childhood sweetheart.

This is why it is difficult to consider leaving someone who is abusive because in the back of your mind you know it's wrong, but he is all you know and to top it off you have a baby was well.

Well, it's not so... He cannot be abusive to you, your child is seeing this, how is that going to affect the child as it grows up?

He obviously feels that he has the "control" and you have to like it or lump it...

I don't know what the pee thing is, but obviously you slapped him and in which case he rebelled claiming he'd do it again.

It is okay to stand up for yourself but I think personally the moment you lay a hand on someone and they are abusive and have a temper, one day they will lay one so hard back that it will be dangerous.

He obviously needs anger management and you do not need to live in an abusive relationship, nor does your child.,

If he's not prepared to love you and give you love and respect you, your only 20, go home to your family and leave him until he seeks help and can show that respect and grow up, or find someone who will treat you right.

Being miserable is one thing.
Being abused is another..
And, your child seeing it is even worse for their future.

CW

**meggo** · 09-06-2009, 11:52 PM

sorry the thing that happened was he peed n a cup and threw it n my face

**HALFNOTHING** · 09-07-2009, 12:13 AM

Quote:

He says he has nothing to change and im just being a dramatic women.

These words sounds not good to me.. have u imagine your life being spend with the guy like him? are u gonna die with somebody like him just like that? mom CW is right.. you're still young. Its normal how you feel right now that you feel hurt and afraid of losing him because you still do love him. but move on, let him go so that you can be happy.. stay with your family im sure, they will understand you.. runaway from him as soon as you can before anything else happen.. why are you wasting your time with the guy who will not change? that just mean that he will hurt and hurt you again and again..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-07-2009, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meggo

sorry the thing that happened was he peed n a cup and threw it n my face

Dear lord he did what

How seriously, seriously did that make yoiu feel?

CW

JulyMama06 · 09-07-2009, 07:56 AM

The things he's doing are ridiculous and I wouldn't put up with it. He is being degrading to you and doesn't care about your child if he's treating you that way. Unless he can treat you respectfully as an equal human being get rid of him! It's not fair or right for you to feel like you do. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells hoping not to upset him. The other posters are right - go back to your family until you can get back on your feet. There are good guys out there who will love you. Respect yourself and you will find an amazing guy who will love you and never treat you like that. You deserve it!

**Little** · 09-07-2009, 09:07 AM

I assume you're near my age and I also live in TN ... I also assume he was your high school sweetheart, smallish town, been together long before you got married, etc.
I see girls every day who chose a miserable man and see no way out of it. Because you're "supposed to" get married at 18 to your high school sweetheart, have babies, etc. There's nothing more expected of you, even if you go to college it's kind of a joke since there are so few jobs for those with college degrees in this state. So the girls are encouraged to stay "in their places" and let the men get the degrees or at least the jobs. Yep, it's sad, but I see it all the time.
Your husband sounds like an extra special kind of miserable, though. Emotionally and physically abusive.
Throwing pee in someone's face is not a knee-jerk reaction. He had to think it up, grab the cup, pee in it, and STILL decide to throw it in your face. That is not just "I'm mad, I'm going to do ___." It requires calculation. Granted, you don't need to be slapping him either, but it pales in comparison.
He has no desire to change whatsoever, and let me say it in plain terms: He is WRONG about you needing to change. Wrong wrong wrong. You're trying to save a marriage in good conscience and be treated like a human being.
What's wrong with him? Hard job, post-high school crisis? Family issues? Or is he just mean? Has he always been this way?
JulyMama said it best: There are good guys out there who will love you. Until then, you're just treading water.

**meggo** · 09-07-2009, 12:55 PM

actually i was so shocked that a human being could do that. i tried to leave and took my son. he called me and tol me that if i didnt bring Rowan home he would come find me and take him. so i came home. he told me he didnt need mem but i wasnt going to take HIS car and HIS son. i feel so disrespected and degraded. He has the nerveto tell me im part of the problem and i deserve what i get. Women should be punished when thy disrespect men. Thats a quote from him.

**WildChild** · 09-07-2009, 01:01 PM

Get a lawyer and lose him. He is one sick puppy. No one deserves to have to put up with this kind of treatment. Do you work? Can you move back with family? Is there a supportive aunt or uncle or someone away from there you could go to as you start a new life?

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-07-2009, 01:47 PM

Go to your local police department, explain what is going on in your home. File a restraining order against your husband from both you AND your son. And leave, with police escort if necessary. You will obviously end up in court sorting out visitation and support but he will not be able to bully you anymore if you do this.

You love him. Its hard to walk away from the one you love. But you could love a couch in your home, love your night stand or your dresser with all the passion you are loving this man with and it will yeild the same results...no emotion, no feeling. Actually the results would be better because at least inanitmate objects wont degrade and humiliate you.

You are worth of love. You are worthy of happiness. You deserve to feel good about what a good person you are. Don't put up with it any longer than you have to. Your heart may be so tormented over the thought of losing him... the hopes you have that he will change. He won't. He doesn't even want to try to. Your heart will heal, it will, I promise you that.

09-06-2009, 11:45 AM	#1
meggo VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 37	need help. marriage falling apart So we have been married for almost 4 years and have a son together who is 10 months old. My husband is almost regularly emotionally abusive. He is just really rude to me snaps at me for stupid stuff and is very ungratefull. On occasion he has been physically abusive. For instance we got in a fight one time and he threw in my face. I told him how much it bithers me and that i am unhappy. He says he has nothing to change and im just being a dramatic women. When i brought up the pee thing, he said if i ever slap him again he;d do it again. I need advice so bad. Im miserable in my marriage and he doesnt want to make things better.

09-06-2009, 04:16 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,927 Blog Entries: 7	Meggo.. You got married at 16? wow... I say that because you state your 20 in most of your posts, so that means he was your childhood sweetheart. This is why it is difficult to consider leaving someone who is abusive because in the back of your mind you know it's wrong, but he is all you know and to top it off you have a baby was well. Well, it's not so... He cannot be abusive to you, your child is seeing this, how is that going to affect the child as it grows up? He obviously feels that he has the "control" and you have to like it or lump it... I don't know what the pee thing is, but obviously you slapped him and in which case he rebelled claiming he'd do it again. It is okay to stand up for yourself but I think personally the moment you lay a hand on someone and they are abusive and have a temper, one day they will lay one so hard back that it will be dangerous. He obviously needs anger management and you do not need to live in an abusive relationship, nor does your child., If he's not prepared to love you and give you love and respect you, your only 20, go home to your family and leave him until he seeks help and can show that respect and grow up, or find someone who will treat you right. Being miserable is one thing. Being abused is another.. And, your child seeing it is even worse for their future. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-07-2009, 09:07 AM	#7
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	I assume you're near my age and I also live in TN ... I also assume he was your high school sweetheart, smallish town, been together long before you got married, etc. I see girls every day who chose a miserable man and see no way out of it. Because you're "supposed to" get married at 18 to your high school sweetheart, have babies, etc. There's nothing more expected of you, even if you go to college it's kind of a joke since there are so few jobs for those with college degrees in this state. So the girls are encouraged to stay "in their places" and let the men get the degrees or at least the jobs. Yep, it's sad, but I see it all the time. Your husband sounds like an extra special kind of miserable, though. Emotionally and physically abusive. Throwing pee in someone's face is not a knee-jerk reaction. He had to think it up, grab the cup, pee in it, and STILL decide to throw it in your face. That is not just "I'm mad, I'm going to do ___." It requires calculation. Granted, you don't need to be slapping him either, but it pales in comparison. He has no desire to change whatsoever, and let me say it in plain terms: He is WRONG about you needing to change. Wrong wrong wrong. You're trying to save a marriage in good conscience and be treated like a human being. What's wrong with him? Hard job, post-high school crisis? Family issues? Or is he just mean? Has he always been this way? JulyMama said it best: There are good guys out there who will love you. Until then, you're just treading water. __________________ Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Admin

09-07-2009, 01:01 PM	#9
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,230 Blog Entries: 5	Get a lawyer and lose him. He is one sick puppy. No one deserves to have to put up with this kind of treatment. Do you work? Can you move back with family? Is there a supportive aunt or uncle or someone away from there you could go to as you start a new life? __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

09-07-2009, 01:47 PM	#10
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,236	Go to your local police department, explain what is going on in your home. File a restraining order against your husband from both you AND your son. And leave, with police escort if necessary. You will obviously end up in court sorting out visitation and support but he will not be able to bully you anymore if you do this. You love him. Its hard to walk away from the one you love. But you could love a couch in your home, love your night stand or your dresser with all the passion you are loving this man with and it will yeild the same results...no emotion, no feeling. Actually the results would be better because at least inanitmate objects wont degrade and humiliate you. You are worth of love. You are worthy of happiness. You deserve to feel good about what a good person you are. Don't put up with it any longer than you have to. Your heart may be so tormented over the thought of losing him... the hopes you have that he will change. He won't. He doesn't even want to try to. Your heart will heal, it will, I promise you that. __________________ ------------- Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

09-06-2009, 11:52 PM	#3
meggo VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 37	sorry the thing that happened was he peed n a cup and threw it n my face

09-07-2009, 07:56 AM	#6
JulyMama06 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Auburn, Maine Posts: 14	The things he's doing are ridiculous and I wouldn't put up with it. He is being degrading to you and doesn't care about your child if he's treating you that way. Unless he can treat you respectfully as an equal human being get rid of him! It's not fair or right for you to feel like you do. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells hoping not to upset him. The other posters are right - go back to your family until you can get back on your feet. There are good guys out there who will love you. Respect yourself and you will find an amazing guy who will love you and never treat you like that. You deserve it!

09-07-2009, 12:55 PM	#8
meggo VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 37	actually i was so shocked that a human being could do that. i tried to leave and took my son. he called me and tol me that if i didnt bring Rowan home he would come find me and take him. so i came home. he told me he didnt need mem but i wasnt going to take HIS car and HIS son. i feel so disrespected and degraded. He has the nerveto tell me im part of the problem and i deserve what i get. Women should be punished when thy disrespect men. Thats a quote from him.

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