Thread: Porn and addiction

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Oh I know its not OTYA, I battle my feelings about porn constantly. CONSTANTLY. I want so badly to be a cool gf, that is okay with it, not threatened... so I will encourage us to have porn nights now and then , rare, like once a month where we get a video and watch it... etc for the naughty factor.

I don't know why I draw the distinction when in fact he could very well be looking at the woman getting sex and wish he was the man doing it to her... but for me my head can wrap around it differently.

Pulling up pictures of mary jane sue in her jean shorts in several poses... makes me feel like gosh -- this girl is so hot to him she can just stand there and it be enough for him... and I assure you -- if he were horny and I just put on a pair of jeans shorts and stood there, not moving ... it would not yeild the same results. lol.

I'm just really confused. You and I had long exchanges about your porn concerns.

I gave you advice from a man's perspective - with the mindset that since you were so against it - you didn't watch it yourself.

Forget everything I said.

Here's a quick answer to your question if you want to know why he watches porn - its the same reason you do.

Originally Posted by stressed

I
I think what HD is saying is that she doesn't feel cheated by porn, but just looking at pictures of a woman and imagining about her makes it more personal than watching two random actors having sex. When you look at a picture of a hot lady and start imagining how her lips would feel on you (to put it nicely) instead of looking at a couple doing something you like in a certain position then you make it more personal. Especially when you don't think like that about the person you are with (i.e. the jeans shorts).

Softcore/Hardcore. It's the same thing, neither is more personal. It's all porn.

Originally Posted by stressed

If your girlfriend/wife would look at well-built men in swimsuits to masturbate but never made a move on you while in a swimsuit then you'd feel uncomfortable about it too.

Fortunately, I've been blessed - she'd be hard pressed to find someone that looked better than I.

HD: I agree with you one so many of the points you made. Raising questions that if the person they are 'lusting' after in the photo were actually there infront of them would they say 'no'.

Here is my take on it. For some reason most men find it so great to look at porn. Just pictures of nude women in sexual poses. If they are single it is no big deal. However, inside of a relationship it seems wrong to me. Having a fantasy about a woman in a picture is just as bad as cheating. It causes mental strain on the g/f, wife or whatever of the man doing it. The woman in the picture might seem sexier, bigger busted, most skinny or any number of things and it can cause a woman's self esteem to drop.

My idea that may not work, but then again might. How would a man feel if his woman was looking at a magazine that contained strictly naked men. Nude pictures with erections and all. Would that make him feel less like a man? Not enough to please his woman that she needs to look at those nude men? The men in the magazine might be 'larger' than him, more muscular, or handsome.

Originally Posted by sweetpea23

HD: I agree with you one so many of the points you made. Raising questions that if the person they are 'lusting' after in the photo were actually there infront of them would they say 'no'.

And we can reverse that situation - we could raise questions about the subject(s) in a porn a woman is watching....if they were actually there in front of the woman, would she say no?

Originally Posted by sweetpea23

Here is my take on it. For some reason most men find it so great to look at porn. Just pictures of nude women in sexual poses. If they are single it is no big deal. However, inside of a relationship it seems wrong to me. Having a fantasy about a woman in a picture is just as bad as cheating. It causes mental strain on the g/f, wife or whatever of the man doing it. The woman in the picture might seem sexier, bigger busted, most skinny or any number of things and it can cause a woman's self esteem to drop.

What you conveniently forget here...is that women watch porn as well. If you are going to apply situations, you might as well apply them to both genders. There are numerous posts here, where women indicate that they like porn. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Originally Posted by sweetpea23

My idea that may not work, but then again might. How would a man feel if his woman was looking at a magazine that contained strictly naked men. Nude pictures with erections and all. Would that make him feel less like a man? Not enough to please his woman that she needs to look at those nude men? The men in the magazine might be 'larger' than him, more muscular, or handsome.

I'm still confused as to why it's okay for women to watch porn, but not okay for guys?

If one doesn't like the other doing it, he/she should abstain themselves. Why would you ask someone to do something that you aren't willing to do yourself?