Not sure if I like this

medicmom74 · 09-11-2009, 02:27 PM

I decided to sit down and go over cell phone bill the other day. I was surprised by what I found. My husband has been sending around 200 text messages a day to a woman he met in July but had very little contact with until now. The texting started on the 2nd of this month(it is now the 11th). Since then there have been over 1300 messages exchanged between the two of them. There have also been 10 calls exchanged. The messages and calls take place when he is at work(he works every 3rd day) or when I'm at work. Never when I'm around. When I checked his call and message logs nothing was there. Is he cheating or thinking about cheating?

**noor** · 09-11-2009, 02:39 PM

200 messages?? Ofcourse something is going on.

medicmom74 · 09-11-2009, 02:51 PM

Sorry. Looked at previous post. He is not sending 200 a day. Thats how many messages are exchanged between him and this woman. I guess that would make his portion around 100 a day. I still think that is alot to be hiding from me if they are just friends.

Gahzilla · 09-11-2009, 03:54 PM

You have one thing over me when my husband was doing that stuff: you have been able to inspect the phone. Your husband covers his tracks by deleting everything. For me, I couldn't get my hands on the phone at all, not even when he was sleeping. It was hidden from me.

Either way, I'm gonna say to trust your gut feeling and confront him ASAP about it. If there was nothing there, you would be able to read the messages, and he'd probably tell you what was going on. You may even want to say just that, "Well, if there was no feeling for her, then why are all the messages gone? The phone can't be programmed to auto delete texts."

Depending on your service, you can block the phone number from texting his phone. You can also set up the number to be blocked from dialing in - however that may take you getting into his settings and blocking it. What I would suggest, though, is to have him do the blocking.

I let it go on with my now soon to be ex husband because he gave me this pity sob story about some gal at work who just wanted someone to talk to, her fiancee had cheated on her with her best friend a week before their wedding. I wasn't able to prove or disprove anything, and though I told him to never talk to her again, the calls and texts continued. But Surprise!! He wound up moving in with her in June and never told me!

Pounce this one fast. Don't let him pull a fast one on you like I did. Be strong and let him know that he is out of line. And stay your ground.

**tritonalum07** · 09-12-2009, 02:43 AM

WHOA. Alarm bells are going off for me. And the fact that he's deleted the evidence is a huge clue. Don't go blocking the number on his phone or call her and go psycho. Confront him. She may not even know that you exist. Personally, I'd make up some excuse about having to go over the finances, and include the phone bill. Then, ask him who the number is from and see what his response is. What does his body language tell you? Does he look at you when he answers, or does he go into flight response and look at the floor? Good luck with this one.

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-12-2009, 03:11 AM

Aside from finding this number on the phone...

How has he been treating you lately? Is he affectionate and loving? If so, is it more or less so than usual? Has he had an increase or decrease in sex drive? If you had not found that phone bill... would there be anything else that lead you to believe something may be going on? Is he secretive? Unnattentive?

I agree that all these texts, yet none on the phone should reek of alarm bells. Curiousity may have killed the cat, but I think I'd find a friends phone, use *67 or some other privacy mode and call the number... just to see who answers, not to cuss them out, poke around or any of that.

I guess the big question should be... if it is another female , then what. Would you leave him if he were cheating or planning to cheat? Would you try to get your marriage into some counseling... what if he tells you he is cheating and walks out the door relieved to bear his secret (worse case scenerio of course)...

I'm not trying to freak you out, I'm saying... mentally prepare yourself for all the what ifs before you get into this very important conversation, confrontation. Know in advance how you will react to anything he says.

If he denies all, will you believe? What will it take to satisfy you he is being faithful? Take a couple days... think it all through before approaching him. Sit back, watch his behavior and act normal.

This could be a life/relationship changing fork in the road, or it could be nothing at all that you've worried yourself silly over.. either way its nothing to act rash upon. Be cool, be calm , be collected when you do approach the topic.

Don't accuse, just ask questions, prepare for answers he may give and what your response/further questions etc should be at that time.

**HALFNOTHING** · 09-12-2009, 03:34 AM

keep your door shut.. that's one sign that he is cheating or trying to cheat.. its not matter if thats only texting.. there are lot of tendency that will might happen.. so as soon as you can stop him..

**stressed** · 09-14-2009, 11:59 AM

Well, we could go back to the question "is text messaging cheating?" and find that it's not the messaging but the reasons that lead somebody to send so many messages to somebody else. Sending so many texts to someone is not normal for friends. Deleting phone logs is not normal either, nobody does this unless he has something to hide. You are lucky to have the phone bill.

I'd show him the phone bill and ask for an explanation. You don't have to say much or accuse him of anything. Ask him who this person is and why has he sent so many texts. It's important to do it in a way that he doesn't feel threatened, as if he lies to you about something you already know then you will get more answers than the ones he will give you. Also, ask him to show you a few of those texts, to see his reaction.

Don't think ahead of this and don't take any action before you let him know that you know.

**danceintx** · 09-14-2009, 04:21 PM

I don't even text my actual boyfriend 200 times a day. No man spends the time talking to a woman that much that he is not interested in sleeping with. Not in the world I live in. He may not be sleeping with her yet, but at the very least this is an emotional affair.

medicmom74 · 09-17-2009, 06:41 AM

thanks to all that replied. Please see new post!!!

09-11-2009, 02:27 PM	#1
medicmom74 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Charlotte,NC Posts: 6	Not sure if I like this I decided to sit down and go over cell phone bill the other day. I was surprised by what I found. My husband has been sending around 200 text messages a day to a woman he met in July but had very little contact with until now. The texting started on the 2nd of this month(it is now the 11th). Since then there have been over 1300 messages exchanged between the two of them. There have also been 10 calls exchanged. The messages and calls take place when he is at work(he works every 3rd day) or when I'm at work. Never when I'm around. When I checked his call and message logs nothing was there. Is he cheating or thinking about cheating?

09-12-2009, 03:11 AM	#6
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,235	Aside from finding this number on the phone... How has he been treating you lately? Is he affectionate and loving? If so, is it more or less so than usual? Has he had an increase or decrease in sex drive? If you had not found that phone bill... would there be anything else that lead you to believe something may be going on? Is he secretive? Unnattentive? I agree that all these texts, yet none on the phone should reek of alarm bells. Curiousity may have killed the cat, but I think I'd find a friends phone, use 67 or some other privacy mode and call the number... just to see who answers, not to cuss them out, poke around or any of that. I guess the big question should be... if it is another female , then what. Would you leave him if he were cheating or planning to cheat? Would you try to get your marriage into some counseling... what if he tells you he is cheating and walks out the door relieved to bear his secret (worse case scenerio of course)... I'm not trying to freak you out, I'm saying... mentally prepare yourself for all the what ifs before you get into this very important conversation, confrontation. Know in advance how you will react to anything he says. If he denies all, will you believe? What will it take to satisfy you he is being faithful? Take a couple days... think it all through before approaching him. Sit back, watch his behavior and act normal. This could be a life/relationship changing fork in the road, or it could be nothing at all that you've worried yourself silly over.. either way its nothing to act rash upon. Be cool, be calm , be collected when you do approach the topic. Don't accuse, just ask questions, prepare for answers he may give and what your response/further questions etc should be at that time. __________________ ------------- Defintion of* Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

09-12-2009, 03:34 AM	#7
HALFNOTHING Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 160	keep your door shut.. that's one sign that he is cheating or trying to cheat.. its not matter if thats only texting.. there are lot of tendency that will might happen.. so as soon as you can stop him.. __________________ Can't help it but to love

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-11-2009, 02:39 PM	#2
noor VIP Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Dubai,UAE Posts: 56	200 messages?? Ofcourse something is going on.

09-11-2009, 02:51 PM	#3
medicmom74 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Charlotte,NC Posts: 6	Sorry. Looked at previous post. He is not sending 200 a day. Thats how many messages are exchanged between him and this woman. I guess that would make his portion around 100 a day. I still think that is alot to be hiding from me if they are just friends.

09-11-2009, 03:54 PM	#4
Gahzilla Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 25	You have one thing over me when my husband was doing that stuff: you have been able to inspect the phone. Your husband covers his tracks by deleting everything. For me, I couldn't get my hands on the phone at all, not even when he was sleeping. It was hidden from me. Either way, I'm gonna say to trust your gut feeling and confront him ASAP about it. If there was nothing there, you would be able to read the messages, and he'd probably tell you what was going on. You may even want to say just that, "Well, if there was no feeling for her, then why are all the messages gone? The phone can't be programmed to auto delete texts." Depending on your service, you can block the phone number from texting his phone. You can also set up the number to be blocked from dialing in - however that may take you getting into his settings and blocking it. What I would suggest, though, is to have him do the blocking. I let it go on with my now soon to be ex husband because he gave me this pity sob story about some gal at work who just wanted someone to talk to, her fiancee had cheated on her with her best friend a week before their wedding. I wasn't able to prove or disprove anything, and though I told him to never talk to her again, the calls and texts continued. But Surprise!! He wound up moving in with her in June and never told me! Pounce this one fast. Don't let him pull a fast one on you like I did. Be strong and let him know that he is out of line. And stay your ground.

09-12-2009, 02:43 AM	#5
tritonalum07 VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Southern CA Posts: 35	WHOA. Alarm bells are going off for me. And the fact that he's deleted the evidence is a huge clue. Don't go blocking the number on his phone or call her and go psycho. Confront him. She may not even know that you exist. Personally, I'd make up some excuse about having to go over the finances, and include the phone bill. Then, ask him who the number is from and see what his response is. What does his body language tell you? Does he look at you when he answers, or does he go into flight response and look at the floor? Good luck with this one.

09-14-2009, 11:59 AM	#8
stressed Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Europe Posts: 147	Well, we could go back to the question "is text messaging cheating?" and find that it's not the messaging but the reasons that lead somebody to send so many messages to somebody else. Sending so many texts to someone is not normal for friends. Deleting phone logs is not normal either, nobody does this unless he has something to hide. You are lucky to have the phone bill. I'd show him the phone bill and ask for an explanation. You don't have to say much or accuse him of anything. Ask him who this person is and why has he sent so many texts. It's important to do it in a way that he doesn't feel threatened, as if he lies to you about something you already know then you will get more answers than the ones he will give you. Also, ask him to show you a few of those texts, to see his reaction. Don't think ahead of this and don't take any action before you let him know that you know.

09-14-2009, 04:21 PM	#9
danceintx Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: H-Town, Texas Posts: 124	I don't even text my actual boyfriend 200 times a day. No man spends the time talking to a woman that much that he is not interested in sleeping with. Not in the world I live in. He may not be sleeping with her yet, but at the very least this is an emotional affair.

09-17-2009, 06:41 AM	#10
medicmom74 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Charlotte,NC Posts: 6	thanks to all that replied. Please see new post!!!