Need to understand my husband, need some advice

**WildChild** · 09-17-2009 08:50 AM

He is playing head games with you dear. He is acting like a single, uncommitted man. Read some of the threads here, very few American women would tollerate this when dating, and certainly not in marriage. He is using your different cultures as an excuse. You need to let him know, absolutely without question, that this behavior is unacceptable. Saying "it's not a big deal", doesn't make it all ok. The two of you have made a commitment to each other and you have traveled around the world to do so, in some ways you are like an orphan, you have no family here, you have left your freinds that you could turn to. He needs to knock it off and start treating you right!

**vishva8kumara** · 09-23-2009 12:34 PM

Your husband's way of doing things is unacceptable. He is supposed to tell all his friends about his marriage. You deserve the respect of him as the wife and he is supposed to do as your husband not like that. You have to let him know how you feel and if it does not work, you have to take action.

Let him feel like how the life would be without you. Give him a time to think alone. For this, you have to either move out for a while until he agree to be faithful. Set the conditions and tell him to come to you when he fulfills those conditions. Until that, be with your parents of closest relative. If he really wants you, he will have to change and come back to you. Or else, you have to think if you really want to have children with that man..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-23-2009 05:26 PM

"Don't trip, it's not a big deal".....

He's keeping his options open in-case things don't work out as planned, seeing as you only saw each other every 12 weeks, and then quick marriage to be together.

It is undertandable that you both are getting used to each other, living together and different ideas, thoughts, pet hates, etc, that's no different that two young virgins getting married and never being able to be alone together prior to...

But, keeping "friends" statis and not telling some girls that he's married, is still disrespectful.. And, shows he's keeping his cards close to his chest and the A card still in his control.

It IS a big deal.. He's married, you don't like it and so therefore, he should respect that.

Disrespectful.

CW

**mdraven380** · 09-23-2009 05:51 PM

I think it is a very BIG Deal! If I had a BF and he was flirting with another woman I'd want to knock his head off.
It's awful that you are stuck with him now. I rushed into living together with my last BF and it turned out desaterous. I rushed in becasue I had been living alone for 5 years and hate it. I thought things would be great like a fairytale. I had never lived with a man before. It wasn't so great after a while. He was hardley here and when he was he ignored me a lot. After dinner he'd walk out of the room and go get on the computer, or go on the porch to smoke and text constantly to God only knows who. He was always avoiding me. I guess I should consider myslef fortunate becasue He moved out when I was at work and gave me no notice. At least I didn't have to fight to get him out of my house. I thought living with my bf would make things so much easier because he wouldn't have to travel all the time to see me. But he's an idiot anyway.
He has texted me everyday for 3 1/2 weeks. First it was "I love you" , then it went to" I miss you" now it is "I care about you",so over the weeks his feelings for me have diminished. To me that is not real love. So maybe I don't really love him either I told myself. But he broke the trust with texting his ex wife and that ruined everything.

I can understand how you feel insecure and don't trust your husband. Especially if he physically cheated on you. I'd never trust him again.

I found out one thing, you really don't know someone until you live with them.

**arrowhead** · 09-26-2009 05:55 AM

hello again!! thanks for all ur replies!! i was just about to go to bed but wanted to check if the page work again and voila - it does

because the last days i wanted to check this page it didnt work.
good to know it works again, i will respond and read what all of u wrote later when i get up!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-29-2009 04:01 AM

And, lol, now your awake, for a couple of days anyway...

AND the site is working,

we look forward to your thoughts.

CW

**Miya** · 09-29-2009 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by mdraven

I found out one thing, you really don't know someone until you live with them.

Sorry to hear about your experience with your last BF mdraven. It can be so disappointing to discover that someone is not who you think they are.

I do agree with you regarding the quote above too. It's seems easier when you have that safe haven of home alone to get back to when needed and something else when your guy sees you every morning without makeup and seeing him in his "natural" state.

All the best.

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