stressed

... our sex life is very bad (I only give without receiving and that happens like once a week at best), I have doubts whether he's bi or not and I still need time to get over his emotional cheating with a girl he knew on the internet last November. He's basically been great since last December, except for the sex.

He doesn't think sex should be an issue that big as to delay marriage and that marriage can only make our relationship better. I told him I need time to think about it but now he's sulking and won't talk to me (at least he didn't talk all day since I told him I have to think about it, he might be fine tomorrow).

Would you marry someone when your sex life has been bad since almost the beginning of the relationship? (I've tried everything during the last 3 years without much improvement)

Would you marry someone if you had doubts he's bi/gay? (whenever I ask he shuts down and sulks instead of discussing it)

I love him a lot and I know he loves me too but it's just these issues that keep me from accepting.

Keep the views coming...

Little

If I had doubts he's bi? Nah. If I had doubts he's gay? Oh yes, I'd wait. And if I had sex issues with him on TOP of that? Full stop.
Some delusional people who don't want to believe they're gay use their marriages to women as "beards." A girl I knew from high school believes her (now ex) husband is gay, and they reportedly had great sex before marriage ... and none afterwards.
If sex is important to you (and I assume it is) then do not marry him hoping things will change. In fact, you can replace "sex" with anything in that sentence. Fix it first.

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WildChild

I agree with Little. Few things get better with marriage. Marriage should be a seal on what is already good not an atempt to make anything better.

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LanaBear

That's perfect!

But yeah - I too agree with WC and Little. Already having sex issues on top of your other concerns... Nope, it needs to be fixed before it can proceed.

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CHANDLERS WISH

He's emotionally cheated.
He doesn't have sex with you bar once a week.
You give in that department without receiving.
He sulks.
He won't communicate when you bring something up.
He's almost "forcing marriage" making you make your mind up now.
You have a gut feeling, intuition he may be bi/gay.
He doesn't even go ape over the suggestion just sulks/ignores.

If that's not enough red flags, not to get married I am not sure what would convince you.

I agree with the above posters...

CW

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stressed

Oh my, he just sent me a text from work:

"Can't call. don't have time. But no text from you? And no marriage. I think it's me who needs to think about if our relationship is leading anywhere. You don't have to pick me up from work this morning"

Ok, now I'm pissed. I've been nice all day, but that did it. wtf?

WildChild

Why are you POd? It sounds like he has realized that this may not be the best thing for either of you. This just may be the best thing for you, you can walk away knowing you tried and that it just wasn't going to work for you. There's been lack of emotional commitment, lack of sex, concerns over his sexuality. You gave it a good try, focus on you for a while, have some fun and see what happens in your life?

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stressed

I was pissed because he seemed to want to argue about it and blame for it.

He called twice since the text, saying he thought I was the one not happy with the relationship and not wanting it to progress. That I used to be for marriage but now I seem to be against.

---

He called for the third time, talking nonsense, about how I always tell him what to do but when he asks this one thing of me I say no etc. (I assume he means the off-porn and off-chatting to strangers policy)

I wasn't expecting this reaction at all.

Little

He's trying to guilt you into agreeing to a wedding, most likely.
Think about it. He whines, complains, wheedles that you don't love him until you agree to put that ring on. Because if you won't, you clearly DON'T love him like he loves you. He's seeing if you will react to his manipulation.
Don't.
And if he is actually hiding (from himself, not only others) that he is gay, he's definitely trying to force you into marriage. To prove to himself and his family that he "can't be gay" because he's married to you.
Take this as the be-all, end-all sign that he's not the one. You posted this thread and BAM he's sent this text? Does he know about WH? That could add a whole 'nother facet to it too.
Good luck. You have hard decisions ahead of you. WH is always here for you (barring GoDaddy mishaps) and we'll always support you doing what is healthy for your life!

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OhThereYouAre

Couldn't have said it better.

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