Apparently a couple of you have read yesterdays thread regarding my need for yalls advice and I seriously have been reading everyones threads in trying to help others as well as solve my own problems. Let me paint a picture for you in order for you to understand.
My huband and I fell in love fast and hard. As soon as we got married we got pregnant. Lost the baby 5 months into the pregnancy. Went through money troubles, problems with my family, and much more until living in Phoenix became so unbearable we decided to leave and go to Texas.
We moved to Texas, home of my husband. We got here. Problems still followed. Financial bumps in the road and problems with friends. It ended. Things got much better. Resentments and feelings got held in. Time goes on.
8-10 months later. He can't take it anymore. He leaves. He comes back. He leaves, he comes back. Then finally he leaves again. I started school for nursing which wasn't something I had thought about doing my whole life but being I had numerous miscarriages I wanted to do something to help. Put my hours into work so I wasn't at home. Got closer with a couple of friends and lived the single life. Husband and I talked; agreed to divorce. 2 months later passed and I met a guy I was dating, went partying, was doing wonderful in school but I took some time off due to a promotion in work needing more time, and I was feeling good about me. I lost a bunch of weight and I felt good about myself. But underneath it all I would still constantly think about him. I would look into his eyes when looking at our pictures and I would feel so much for him. I couldn't let him go. I couldn't get him out of my system just yet. So I broke up with boyfriend and decided to focus on me. Not 3 days goes by does he call telling me he loves me. He wants to date. Start all over. Do things right this time. He dated someone else too and in doing so, realized a bunch of things apparently. We got back together after 3 weeks of dating. He moves back home.
Its been three weeks since he moved back and we have done great. Couple bickers here and there but if I don't see them as something big then usually they are nothing. I am still holding in some fears, resentment, anger, trust issues, and so on. I know councelling is a possibility and I have discussed that with the husband and he doesn't want to go speak to someone about our problems when we don't have the money, time nor energy for it. So I understand. Here are my concerns. Are they normal? Is everything I am feeling easily to get over? Please give me your insight.
If he left me once, twice, three times, he can do it again. I have told him that if he leaves me again this is the final straw. I can't go through it again. I was doing great on my own and I didn't need him in my life rather I wanted him to be apart of my life. He understood. Still the fear of it is there.
Yes I know I was with someone else physcially in the process of CLAIMING to get a divorce and he was too. We both looked at us not being together so it was fine. But, now he is talking about having pride in the fast he has been married 2-3 years and I am sitting there thinking (yeah especially when we have been seperated on and off for 6 months of it)... He's really showing great progress and slowly changing his ways but if can physically bring himself to be with someone else, what's preventing him from cheating if things get tough again and hiding it knowing I said this is the last go around?
His wants and needs and desires are very important to me. But so are mine. I want the house, the kids, the good job and that family enviroment with little or no debt just like everyone. Its the American dream and I am not far from it. But it always seems like TV's or video games or car stereo's are more important to him. He talks about those more than he talks about our dream of owning a house and yes, I know this man has a penis so I know the electronis and trucks are going to run through his veins. I know that. But how do I get him to support the things I am interested in? I play video games with him. I watch movies with him. I have an awesome car stereo. What can I try to see if he is has my interests at heart?
We have really good communication right now and I am trying to take advantage of it as much as I possibly can. But, he still won't open up to me as much as I want him to. I think he is affraid that I am going to hurt him again. As I am afraid he is going to hurt me again. I guess this one is going to take some time because we are both kinda not letting each other in right now.
Last but not least, sex! Yep sex! It's like we always have sex when its on his terms. Once every 2-3 days usually and its always in bed and always before bed. What can I do to change this up without him knowing it? Any ideas?
I respect your ladies perspectives and anything will help. Thanks!
01-25-2007, 12:18 PM
How would you say it?
