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We have followed the path of Dee and Mac
from the inception of the relationship until
this moment when Domestic Violence now
exposes itself.
The Monster of Domestic Violence was born
when Mac's eyes saw Dee and he decided he
had to have her.
Mac made the choice.
Dee made no choice.
Dee was swept up.
As if a tsunami came into her life, so did Mac.
This attitude that "the world is the way I want
it to be", and "I must get what I want" are hallmarks
of the abuser.
Mac knew if Dee had time she would realise he was
not Mr. Right, so she got no time. When he was
sure of her love, he broke up with her, to prove it.
The fact he did it, and that she was willing to take
him back, proved his control over her.
Had she refused to take him back, then he might
commence further blandishments, but if unsuccessful
because she
a) got another boyfriend
b) refused to see him and abused and ridiculed him
and had her friends join her,
c) taken legal action to prevent him from accosting her,
Mac would have moved to someone else.
This is because Dee would prove to be poor abuse material.
That he could jerk her leash, force her into a relationship,
throw her out, then pull her back, proved that she was
excellent abuse material.
He began with emotional abuse.
If Dee would have left him directly after his first remarks,
or become cold and as abusive as he was, then the relationship
would either continue sans abuse or end.
That he was able to reduce her to tears confirmed his
control, and then he would move on to other forms of
abuse.
He was successful in separating her from her family.
This is vital. Because once there are others who can
offer opinions, his control is lessened.
If Dee refused to separate from her family and friends,
he would either have to leave or accept his role. He
could not accept a supporting role, and the relationship
would end based on the grounds that she put her family
and friends before him.
His intellectual abuse reduced her to the level of child,
turned him into the parent, and made it an easy transition
from verbal attacks to physical.
His first foray into physical may have frightened him.
May have suggested he could lose Dee.
Hence he had to apologise, he had to do whatever it
was to maintain her in his life.
If she had left, if she responded with violence, the
abuse would end there.
That is because the pattern had not been created.
This was new, there were no indications as to how
she would react to his physical violence.
If she had left, he could not be sure she wouldn't
call the police or hit him with a two by four, or
shoot him, or stab him; so he had to regain the
relationship previous to the physical violence.
If successful, Dee's life will become one of beatings,
forced sex, abuse of all kinds.
Because Mac knows he will get away with it.
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01-26-2007, 01:12 PM
notes from off stage 5
