Hello

presleyette · 09-30-2009, 01:09 AM

Well hubby left me 2 days ago 2 weeks after fantastic holiday, and 2 days after 22nd wedding anniversary! After what I thought was a good sex life (every day of the month) he has been visiting porn sites and started chatting to women on internet. I found a mess on his mobile and asked him about it thats how this all started.
He has said he has not loved me for 2 weeks and there is no-way he will change his mind. He cares for me but not in a man and wife sexual way.
I can't stop crying, he is still in the house as haven't the money to move out although I have said he needs to go by the weekend.
I love him sooooooo much and have begged him to stay even have affairs if he wants but he is having none of it. He wants me to start divorce proceedings because once he has made his mind up about not loving me thats it no going back.
Any advice on how long i will feel so sad appreciated.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2009, 02:48 AM

Dear me, only (2 weeks) he believes he's not loved you and he had sex with you no doubt on each of those 14 days.

Do you think maybe actually he's embarrassed of being caught? Man and all that?

Just a thought...

He also could be going through a mid-life crisis as well is anything else getting him down?

He has no right to sleep with you every day knowing in his heart (if this is how he feels), that he doesn't love you anymore is that not using?

He has no money bad luck.. He chose to say that's it.. So, therefore, he has to find somewhere to go.

22 years is a very long time.. It won't be easy, we're here to offer support though, that much I promise, vent away every day it's fine.

But, I think you need to find out exactly what he means by "2 weeks" it sounds like you had a good time away but he realised it wasn't what he was happy with and I'm guessing over those two weeks he couldn't access the Internet.

I'd say your husband has a serious addictive problem to the Internet and is enjoying it all more than his wife, not un-common at all once they get attached too far to turn back.. Problem you have is that he won't admit he does nor that he could handle having both in his life, his interest at present is the exploring of visual and words with women...

Maybe he will over time, start to feel lonley and also realise what he left and maybe then you can have the talk about help for him for now?

I think that's the issue and problem (2 weeks) and that was whilst you were away, holidaying, no internet...

CW

**ThexMrs** · 09-30-2009, 02:53 AM

First of all... You need to look at your self worth. It doesn't seem like it's much if you're willing to let the man that you love have affairs just to keep him. You are worth so much more than that and you deserve WAY more than that.

It's different for everyone. The pain may fade quickly or it may take years to go away. My parents were together for what would have been 21 years. My dad had been having an affair and she took him back. The second time she asked for a divorce. After it was final my father committed suicide. That pain has never left my mother but that was a tad bit of a severe case. We all deal with things differently.

They say that time heals all wounds and though I don't believe that to be true, I do believe that time fades all wounds. Some are just so deep that they never go away.

What you need to do is take a good long look at your life with him then and what it is now. Would you really be happy having him stay yet allowing him to sleep with other women? I really don't think that you would be. That would deteriorate what little self esteem you have left.

Love yourself! Treat yourself good. The rest will fall into place.

**Miya** · 09-30-2009, 06:26 AM

Sorry to hear about this dear. CW and ThexMrs are correct in what they say.
Do you really want him still as he seems to be "laying down the law" so to speak and basically (I'm reading as) you WILL do what he wants and that's it.?

Also I wonder why, if he's made up his mind and won't change it he wants YOU to start divorce proceedings. Why doesn't HE start them?

Keep your self-worth and don't beg him to stay saying affairs are ok. This really just degrades you and gives him more fuel for his dominance. It can be scare going alone after all this time but it's very possible. We all come into this world alone and all leave it alone. (ok, even the case of twins, they're not born simultaneously)

The time is takes you is the time it takes you. Everyone is different but don't try to rush or push yourself too much or you'll just end of enclosing the anger/hurt/etc. feelings in a bubble...and from the current world situation we all know how bubbles have a tendency to burst and REALLY cause issues.

I wish you the best.

**Karma3** · 09-30-2009, 07:41 AM

Wow, seems to be an epidemic with addiction to porn, text message cheating, cheating on dating sites etc. What a sad world we live in.
Bottom line is, he needs a therapist to sort himself out. He has a problem and please don't degrade yourself by allowing him to have affairs. You deserve more than that.

presleyette · 09-30-2009, 01:51 PM

Aaaaaw thanks for all the messages they all help. Well he is leaving for good tomorrrow ( My daughters 13th birthday). He is going to London to stay with a 37yr old size 12 foster carer; into fast cars and the gym! How the bloody can I compete with that saint? He has messaged her and been phoning for 2 weeks and wants to give it a go although there will be no sex for the next few days as she is on her period! Y i needed to know that is beyond me!

He is a bodybuilder and was into steroids until a month ago before holiday; thats y he went on the sex sites as wasn't satisfied...I did know this even though we did it every day!
He says the steroids made him feel young and want a younger wife and life and thought the feelings would go after holiday when they wore off. But he said the feelings haven't worn off so he needs to go.

**prawnprincess** · 09-30-2009, 09:50 PM

His loss!

**happy ending** · 09-30-2009, 09:55 PM

he is a sad sad case, in a few months when he begs you to take him back, please remember your current pain and tell him to nick off. he has a bad case of grass is greener itis!

09-30-2009, 01:09 AM	#1
presleyette Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 3	Hello Well hubby left me 2 days ago 2 weeks after fantastic holiday, and 2 days after 22nd wedding anniversary! After what I thought was a good sex life (every day of the month) he has been visiting porn sites and started chatting to women on internet. I found a mess on his mobile and asked him about it thats how this all started. He has said he has not loved me for 2 weeks and there is no-way he will change his mind. He cares for me but not in a man and wife sexual way. I can't stop crying, he is still in the house as haven't the money to move out although I have said he needs to go by the weekend. I love him sooooooo much and have begged him to stay even have affairs if he wants but he is having none of it. He wants me to start divorce proceedings because once he has made his mind up about not loving me thats it no going back. Any advice on how long i will feel so sad appreciated.

09-30-2009, 02:48 AM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,939 Blog Entries: 7	Dear me, only (2 weeks) he believes he's not loved you and he had sex with you no doubt on each of those 14 days. Do you think maybe actually he's embarrassed of being caught? Man and all that? Just a thought... He also could be going through a mid-life crisis as well is anything else getting him down? He has no right to sleep with you every day knowing in his heart (if this is how he feels), that he doesn't love you anymore is that not using? He has no money bad luck.. He chose to say that's it.. So, therefore, he has to find somewhere to go. 22 years is a very long time.. It won't be easy, we're here to offer support though, that much I promise, vent away every day it's fine. But, I think you need to find out exactly what he means by "2 weeks" it sounds like you had a good time away but he realised it wasn't what he was happy with and I'm guessing over those two weeks he couldn't access the Internet. I'd say your husband has a serious addictive problem to the Internet and is enjoying it all more than his wife, not un-common at all once they get attached too far to turn back.. Problem you have is that he won't admit he does nor that he could handle having both in his life, his interest at present is the exploring of visual and words with women... Maybe he will over time, start to feel lonley and also realise what he left and maybe then you can have the talk about help for him for now? I think that's the issue and problem (2 weeks) and that was whilst you were away, holidaying, no internet... CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-30-2009, 02:53 AM	#3
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,732 Blog Entries: 13	First of all... You need to look at your self worth. It doesn't seem like it's much if you're willing to let the man that you love have affairs just to keep him. You are worth so much more than that and you deserve WAY more than that. It's different for everyone. The pain may fade quickly or it may take years to go away. My parents were together for what would have been 21 years. My dad had been having an affair and she took him back. The second time she asked for a divorce. After it was final my father committed suicide. That pain has never left my mother but that was a tad bit of a severe case. We all deal with things differently. They say that time heals all wounds and though I don't believe that to be true, I do believe that time fades all wounds. Some are just so deep that they never go away. What you need to do is take a good long look at your life with him then and what it is now. Would you really be happy having him stay yet allowing him to sleep with other women? I really don't think that you would be. That would deteriorate what little self esteem you have left. Love yourself! Treat yourself good. The rest will fall into place. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

09-30-2009, 06:26 AM	#4
Miya Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Born in Japan, now in Northern Virginia Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 3	Sorry to hear about this dear. CW and ThexMrs are correct in what they say. Do you really want him still as he seems to be "laying down the law" so to speak and basically (I'm reading as) you WILL do what he wants and that's it.? Also I wonder why, if he's made up his mind and won't change it he wants YOU to start divorce proceedings. Why doesn't HE start them? Keep your self-worth and don't beg him to stay saying affairs are ok. This really just degrades you and gives him more fuel for his dominance. It can be scare going alone after all this time but it's very possible. We all come into this world alone and all leave it alone. (ok, even the case of twins, they're not born simultaneously) The time is takes you is the time it takes you. Everyone is different but don't try to rush or push yourself too much or you'll just end of enclosing the anger/hurt/etc. feelings in a bubble...and from the current world situation we all know how bubbles have a tendency to burst and REALLY cause issues. I wish you the best. __________________ Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Lord Buddha

09-30-2009, 01:51 PM	#6
presleyette Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 3	thanks Aaaaaw thanks for all the messages they all help. Well he is leaving for good tomorrrow ( My daughters 13th birthday). He is going to London to stay with a 37yr old size 12 foster carer; into fast cars and the gym! How the bloody can I compete with that saint? He has messaged her and been phoning for 2 weeks and wants to give it a go although there will be no sex for the next few days as she is on her period! Y i needed to know that is beyond me! He is a bodybuilder and was into steroids until a month ago before holiday; thats y he went on the sex sites as wasn't satisfied...I did know this even though we did it every day! He says the steroids made him feel young and want a younger wife and life and thought the feelings would go after holiday when they wore off. But he said the feelings haven't worn off so he needs to go.

09-30-2009, 07:41 AM	#5
Karma3 VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 62	Wow, seems to be an epidemic with addiction to porn, text message cheating, cheating on dating sites etc. What a sad world we live in. Bottom line is, he needs a therapist to sort himself out. He has a problem and please don't degrade yourself by allowing him to have affairs. You deserve more than that.

09-30-2009, 09:50 PM	#7
prawnprincess VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: USA Posts: 43	His loss!

09-30-2009, 09:55 PM	#8
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	he is a sad sad case, in a few months when he begs you to take him back, please remember your current pain and tell him to nick off. he has a bad case of grass is greener itis!

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