faithfulone

Greetings,

I am pretty new to the site and I have read a number of forums in the husband /fiance colum. In most cases the involvement of the cell phone and text messages seems to come into play in some kind of defense. So I would like to post the question if is right or wrong to answer or check your mate cell phone. My view on this issue is that if there is nothing to hide and you are married, living together, engaged, or seriouly involved I feel there should not be a problem with having access to one another cell phone. If there is a problem with answering one another cell phone it shows a sign of guilt. It seems as since cell phones and text messasing came into play the opportunity to cheat has been on the rise. Please post your concern or thought male and female

KMonte85

I think the whole cellphone accessibility thing falls under what the intent of having the cell there for viewing is. I really don't care if my boyfriend looks at my phone, or if I'm in the shower or something and he answers for me. He usually doesn't do that unless he sees its a mutual friend on the caller ID tho, but I couldn't care less anyway. It's just a phone.. he's not trying to look for something I might be doing behind his back, and I'm not trying to hide anything. I'll occationally answer his phone too if he's not by it and its someone calling he was expecting or a mutual friend. Or I look at his texts cuz his friends send him some pretty hilarious pic messages, but not because i'm searching for something sleazy.


HOWEVER, if he's looking at my phone and answering my calls as a way to try to "CATCH" me doing something wrong or to constantly check up on me because he has trust issues, then I would NOT be happy and would NOT let him near my phone. As far as I'm concerned, its more offensive that someone is so mistrusting that they constantly check up on their sig. other w/o any real reason for it. Usually those insecurities arise because of stuff the insecure person is doing or thinking of doing themselves (Funny how cheaters are always worried their partners are cheating, isn't it?).

SO basically, if you're viewing the cell innocently fine. If you're using the cell for some kind of investigation into if you can trust your partner, not cool. Cells won't answer that question for you. You will probably end up reading too much into an innocent call/txt, and the whole relationship can be damaged over a misunderstanding because someone was SPECIFICALLY looking for some sign of cheating and thinks they found it (self-fullfilling prophecy anyone??).

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Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
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WildChild

Either you trust or you don't. Either someone is trust worthy or they aren't.

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OhThereYouAre

That sounds like something I'd say.

WildChild

Simple truth ain't it?

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

Little

I trust my boyfriend with my life, and I also answer his phone. Like the OP mentioned, there is nothing to hide there. Why shouldn't I pick up for somebody calling him?
Chances are it is:
1. his sister
2. his mother
3. a bill collector or
4. a mutual friend
If it's anybody else, that's news to me. Cover the receiver, tell him who it is, and hand it to him. No lack of trust, no guilt, just phones.

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rcoreyus

I'll answer my wife's phone if I am closer - and then hand it to her. As long as it doesn't sound like a sales call, I don't ask who it is. I would never check her phone or email to try to catch her at something.

GlitterAndStuds

We text people more than call, but it's never even crossed my mind to answer his phone for him if it's near me and not him. More often than not, I'll look to see who it is, then tell him "So-and-so called when you were in the shower". No need to answer... that's what caller ID and voicemail are for.

Although if he answered mine for me, I wouldn't really care. He knows everyone who calls me, but I don't think the thought would even occur to him either. Normally he just tells me my phone went off and I check it myself.

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robinson88

If there is a need to snoop then why be wi/ them? no trust=no relationship. Answering the phone is fine but snooping is bad!!!