hubby cheated emtionally with ex .

suzieque · 11-03-2009, 10:47 PM

hi , well after 18 years together ,i found out on august 28th that my husband had been ib contact with his ex- girlfriend ( that have not been together for 20 years .) we we having problems in our marriage m and he was having work stress and didnt want to talk to me baout things. so he went to her in mid july and thru august to talk about our marriage and about me. I found out thru trusting my intuittion , adn looking in his work phone book and finding her email and phone number . became an dectective and put her cell phone in reverse cell phone directory and out pops her name. Well the nite i found out , my husband was at bingo tell 10 pm. i found out at 8pm , and emailed her and asked if she had been emaling my husband . Long story short she has been looking for him for 17 years . and she says htey are just friends. well on teh night of august 28th ,i confronted him , and he ilied and said that emtionally cheateing is not cheating, bull pucky i said. Well, long story short he said that he was ready to leave me , but decided against it. i ws pissed and wanted to cheat on him , but told him it was morally wrong ,i wanted to make his heart break , just like he did to mine. i cannot trust him, and we are working things out by going to marriage therapy , . Last night he told me that he regreted contacting her , but that it was good to hear from her after 17 years . what i said . opps then he realized what he said . We are learning to communicate better , and not to say things in haste , but i am having a hard time putting this behind me. he has not had contact with her since august . i strongly believe that a man cannot be friends with an ex- girlfriend , especially (spelling .) one who he has had sexual relations with when he is married ? am i wrong ? things are better , but it is going to take mea long time to trust him , and to get over what he did. anyone have similiar experiences or advice . thanks in advance s . walker

**happy ending** · 11-04-2009, 08:03 AM

oh for goodness sake, they were together 20 years ago. you sound like you have a few issues. your hubby talks to an ex so you're ready to screw someone else. i am glad you are getting relationship counselling. in my opinion you sound very controlling and insecure.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 11-04-2009, 08:35 AM

Emotional cheating is cheating, yes. But it doesn't sound like even that was going on. I'm pretty sure this was just a platonic thing, two people catching up. It's a good thing that you guys are getting marriage counseling because it does sound like there are some underlying issues that you need to work out. I don't see any reason to have not trusted him though. Sure, many of us prefer our SO not speaking to exes, but if they don't pose a threat then there's no need to worry. It doesn't sound to me like it was anything to worry too much about.

**happy ending** · 11-04-2009, 09:26 PM

i so agree glitter. how can talking to an ex from 20 years ago, constitute emotional cheating. this is your life not a soap opera, if you love drama so much, maybe there is a vacancy on the days of our life writing team.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-10-2009, 01:47 AM

Hun... Here's the short and long of it.

Quote:

and emailed her and asked if she had been emailing my husband .

You already knew he was.

Quote:

said that emotionally cheating is not cheating,

Glad your going to Marriage Counseling.. Ask yourself, why he needed to discuss his marriage with an old flame? What was / is he missing?

Quote:

i ws pissed and wanted to cheat on him , but told him it was morally wrong ,i wanted to make his heart break , just like he did to mine.

That's wrong to even think like that... Why would you want to break his heart, when all he did was look for someone to talk to, about what's missing in his life?

That callous sweet... You don't consider hurting someone, when really you hurt yourself, you "snooped" and so, you got hurt.. All he did at that point in time was talk about his marriage. Your move should have been where are we going wrong babe?

Quote:

i cannot trust him,

Nor him you... Let's face it, you knew your relationship was in trouble and so you started looking for "trouble"... In a Marriage there is trust and if there is a problem, then it's communication, this you will find out with your Counseling.

Quote:

i strongly believe that a man cannot be friends with an ex- girlfriend

Yes they can hun, if there is no control/jealousy/missing things in a relationship, then she will only ever be a friend... As, the relationship stands it's time in love.

Quote:

one who he has had sexual relations with when he is married ? am i wrong ? one

Now what evidence do you have of that? You have said "emotional affair"....

Walker... With counseling you will get allot of advice... Jealousy/snooping will be a no/no...

Reasons for him needing someone to talk to will come out.

Learn to Trust/Not be jealous/Love and Give...and accept back and this issue will never happen again.

CW

11-03-2009, 10:47 PM	#1
suzieque Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3	hubby cheated emtionally with ex . hi , well after 18 years together ,i found out on august 28th that my husband had been ib contact with his ex- girlfriend ( that have not been together for 20 years .) we we having problems in our marriage m and he was having work stress and didnt want to talk to me baout things. so he went to her in mid july and thru august to talk about our marriage and about me. I found out thru trusting my intuittion , adn looking in his work phone book and finding her email and phone number . became an dectective and put her cell phone in reverse cell phone directory and out pops her name. Well the nite i found out , my husband was at bingo tell 10 pm. i found out at 8pm , and emailed her and asked if she had been emaling my husband . Long story short she has been looking for him for 17 years . and she says htey are just friends. well on teh night of august 28th ,i confronted him , and he ilied and said that emtionally cheateing is not cheating, bull pucky i said. Well, long story short he said that he was ready to leave me , but decided against it. i ws pissed and wanted to cheat on him , but told him it was morally wrong ,i wanted to make his heart break , just like he did to mine. i cannot trust him, and we are working things out by going to marriage therapy , . Last night he told me that he regreted contacting her , but that it was good to hear from her after 17 years . what i said . opps then he realized what he said . We are learning to communicate better , and not to say things in haste , but i am having a hard time putting this behind me. he has not had contact with her since august . i strongly believe that a man cannot be friends with an ex- girlfriend , especially (spelling .) one who he has had sexual relations with when he is married ? am i wrong ? things are better , but it is going to take mea long time to trust him , and to get over what he did. anyone have similiar experiences or advice . thanks in advance s . walker

11-04-2009, 08:35 AM	#3
GlitterAndStuds Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Snake Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 749 Blog Entries: 1	Emotional cheating is cheating, yes. But it doesn't sound like even that was going on. I'm pretty sure this was just a platonic thing, two people catching up. It's a good thing that you guys are getting marriage counseling because it does sound like there are some underlying issues that you need to work out. I don't see any reason to have not trusted him though. Sure, many of us prefer our SO not speaking to exes, but if they don't pose a threat then there's no need to worry. It doesn't sound to me like it was anything to worry too much about. __________________ I've got to be direct If I'm off please correct You're standing on my neck....

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11-04-2009, 08:03 AM	#2
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	oh for goodness sake, they were together 20 years ago. you sound like you have a few issues. your hubby talks to an ex so you're ready to screw someone else. i am glad you are getting relationship counselling. in my opinion you sound very controlling and insecure.

11-04-2009, 09:26 PM	#4
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	i so agree glitter. how can talking to an ex from 20 years ago, constitute emotional cheating. this is your life not a soap opera, if you love drama so much, maybe there is a vacancy on the days of our life writing team.