Texting the opposite sex

**vmail** · 11-13-2009 01:09 PM

No woman I know can understand this.. perhaps one of you lovely ladies can help. My husband has become friends with a girl who lives in AL, we are in NJ. I am not threatened. About 2 years ago our cell bill was over 400 bucks, it was because he went over our texting limit with AL. So, like the confident wife that I am, I increased his minutes to 1500 anytime (she's on a different network). Anyway, every now and then the texting still goes over. This is what I don't get. I go into Verizon and look at the texting times. She will text him the minute her feet hits the floor, all day, and all night. She will even text him, get no response and text him again and again. Now in all fairness I have spoken to this women a few times about this situation. I am assured it is nothing at all and that he loves me. (yes, why wouldn't he). We even became friends on facebook for awhile and I truly learned that even though she has 2 kids, a full time job, and is a twice over divorced girl, she is pathetic. Responds to all posts, posts everything she's doing, and even reply's to poeple replying to her. She lives on her blackberry! This is the only thing my husband and I argue about. He knows I can see the messages and I just don't get it. From a woman's point of view, if I was obsessive like that texting a married man, there would be a reason why.

I just chalk it up that this is her "fantasy world" where she can't get hurt and does not have to face the reality of living with a man. I hope someone agrees with me. We were in Nashville a month ago, he could have very easily picked a fight with me and drove 3 more hours to see her... he didn't. I am just jealous because I feel she gets more attention than I do. Is it possible that I really have nothing to worry/obsess about?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-13-2009 01:46 PM

Heard of the saying, "give an inch - take a yard?"...

It's fantastic that you trust your husband and that you initially came across as having no jealousy what so ever, until the end

That's because he's crossing the boundries in my opinion... You have a great mindset about it all, but in reality the day you increased to 1500, you said, I'll let you talk to her more... If my husband spent $400, I assume a month, then I'd be reducing it, not increasing it

I know of plenty of people that are "addicted to texting/internet " lonliness and will bombard me, and I don't even know them, made one comment "once" and off they go daily... as an example..

She's not thinking about anyone but herself in reality.. You say even when he doesn't reply, she keeps texting... she knows he's married... you've befriended her... yet, that seems to make it okay to her, to bombard your husband as well as probably loads of other people, but they target one or two and they do dream and get confused, mixed signals and wonder.

I'd be suggesting to your husband that the addiction she has (he has back), perhaps could encourage her to think differently about him which isn't fair to her. I doubt he'd run off with her, so your not pushing him into her arms rather, asking him to also respect you just that little bit more by having female friends but respectfully, this isn't respecting you. It's crossing the boundries, knowing you accept it.

Problem is, your now worried and starting to get jealous over the attention she gets, that your not.

You have to "communicate this to him", your not jealous persay of her, but you don't feel respected anymore, having less conversation with him than another woman has.

CW

**WildChild** · 11-13-2009 04:37 PM

I get unlimited texting for $5 a month.
However, that much texting with Anyone is ridiculous, for a married person of either gender it is insupportable. What the woman does is her business. Your husband needs to man up and knock it off.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-13-2009 05:11 PM

If it was a guy friend, his mom, his uncle joe -- it would be tooo much texting! The fact that its some needy woman just makes it more absurd but still -- TOO much texting. Have you read any of them? What in the world can she possibly say in 150 character a pop messages all day long that she cant simply put in one email a day or something.

Its odd behavior and he's encouraging it by not discouraging it. NOthing to do with a jealousy thing... more to do with a time management thing.... does your husband work a job that allows him time to text all day? Does he text in your company and ignore conversation just to respond to what episode of days of our lives this woman is harping about today? or what flavor breakfast cereal she chose?

I just mean if she has something deep and meaningful to say, she can send an email instead of 2034923u09 thousand one sentence messages all day long.. if its just drivel and she is hitting him up with it from sun down to sun up he needs to only respond to it once a day, then every other day and wean her off. Good grief.

**rcoreyus** · 11-13-2009 05:44 PM

It has nothing to do with her being female - don't even discuss it that way. 1500 minutes is just too much time to waste typing into a phone. When does he find time for that?

**kms** · 11-13-2009 11:34 PM

"d have to say that I personally wouldn't avidly text anyone I wasn't very interested in or attached to (like a family member or close friend). But even still, that is a LOT of texts. My mom and I text frequently but not even close to that! My SO and I texted a lot when we lived in separate cities, but again, not that much!! Something seems to be going on. Either there's interest on his side, or he's a p*&&y (sorry, really couldn't think of a better term!) and has no idea how to stand up for himself. Has he given any justification as to why he 1. texts so much and 2. even bothers still talking to this woman? What is it exactly that he is getting out of this relationship...?

**jennypeaches285** · 11-14-2009 03:40 PM

I agree with wildchild He needs to knock it off!!!

**Karma3** · 11-15-2009 10:13 AM

This women that you are describing sounds very needy and loves attention from whoever she can get it from. I'm sure she's had others that have told her to buzz off with the texting but your husband hasn't told her as much so he's just one of her suckers that keeps doing it. I guess what I'm saying is, wouldn't the average person get fed up with her texting them all the time. Some people just don't know how to say no, it kills them to hurt other people's feelings....they are people pleasers. Does your husband fit this personality? If he does, maybe you can make suggestions to him as to how he can reduce the amount of time texting, if he isn't suiting her needs anymore with the diminished hours, she will find some other sucker to dedicate her time to, as people like this thrive on attention. This girl needs to get a life!

**stressed** · 11-16-2009 10:35 AM

Well, this woman might have all kinds of reasons to text people 24/7 but why does your husband play along? We shouldn't focus on this 'poor' woman's issues but your husband's instead. What does he gain from texting her all day long? Doesn't he understand that he pays more attention to you than her? It doesn't matter that she's only a 'text' person and you're the real one next to him, what he does is unacceptable, whether he texts a woman, a relative or a friend. You have to discuss this further and explain how it makes you feel. Don't forget to mention that you've been understanding and not jealous throughout this time, but now it is getting to much. You have right on your side.

**KMonte85** · 11-16-2009 11:10 AM

idk how his texting influences how much attention he gives you, but I can tell you that I get peeved when I'm spending time with my boyfriend and he's texting away. It's kind of like, "HELLOOOOO.. *I* am the one here with you, *I* should be getting your attention, not that phone and whoever it is that is trying to get ahold of you!"

We now have a rule that if we are doing something exclusively together, like having dinner or watching a movie, the cellphones and texts do not get answered until later when we're off doing our own thing.

If his texting the woman that much bothers you (and I can see why it would!), tell him that when he is with you and he's texting her its like he is putting you on hold. *She* should be the one put on hold while he is spending time with you. When you two are together, doing something together, her texts should be put on hold until a later time when you are both off doing your own thing. And if she sends 5439855983 texts until that point, well so be it.

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