To stay or not to stay...
I have two children from my previous marriage, and a baby with my new husband. He is not accepting the other two kids (even though they were there from the beginning, obviously). I have left him, but he has asked me to come back, promising changes. This didn't happen. I don't want to go through another divorce. I don't want my kids to be ignored either. I don't know if he loves me. I love him, and very much so. I have asked everyone I could for advice, no one can answer me. I feel ashamed, because I feel like I am badmouthing him, but that isn't my intention. He is such a wonderful man. And we (used to be) such good mates... what do i do? How will I get him to see? I am desperate and very confused.
all i can suggest is counselling, he is aware his behaviour is causing problems for you and your children and may end your marriage. but despite making promises has not attempted to change his behaviour, this isnt fair for your anyone. this is the way i see it. your children are suffering, you are suffering. why does he think this is ok?
can I ask how he is treating your other two kids? Are they also aware that they are not in his favor?
I agree that counciling would be a must if you wanted to keep your marriage intact. He needs individual counciling and you should also seek out family counciling so that as a group you can come together and work through your feelings and create a gameplan for your actions.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't think I could ever stay with anyone that ignored my children, he knew from the start that they were part of the deal and now this has changed. If you really want to keep this relationship then you need counselling of some description, I would suggest in the meantime that you maybe live in seperate houses or something. Your kids look up to you and they need to know what is ok and what isn't they are more impressionable than what he is. If he keeps telling you that things will change and they dont then you need something to help this. Can I ask how old your other 2 children are and how long you have been with your husband?
My kids are 8, 5 and almost 2. We have been together for 3.5 years, married for almost 2 years. I am praying for an outcome and i believe it will come. And since I don't believe in playing hardball, I am still giving him all the love and attention I can. Having gone through a divorce once, I know the damage it does - especially to kids. I don't want to go through that or put them through that if there is any hope of salvaging this situation. My mom always says: where there's life, there's hope, and where there's hope, you don't give up.
Perhaps, he sees your "ex" when he sees the children? Has he ever shown jealousy?
3 Children in the household, the youngest is only 2, terrible twos but the other's are older and may play up more? Maybe it's not them persay but the situation. Maybe he's stressed, financial stress, work stress and has trouble coming home to 3 kids thought he could, can't.
There are many reasons that are sometimes hidden and only come out through discussion.
Some men don't "feel" like a man if they complain about what's really bothering them if it's to do with tiredness, finances etc.
You were "good mates" you are "good mates" he wanted to come back, there is something there to work with.
So perhaps you need to consider how to get "quiet time", how to get "dating time", how to relieve stress/finances.
Maybe it's not all as it seems.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Posting Permissions
Connect with Facebook
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks