Trouble with the in-laws

**Danae** · 11-25-2009 10:26 PM

So, as I'm sure everyone has struggled with, I'm having difficulty bonding with the future in-laws. Maybe this isn't so much of a relationship crisis as some of the other posts, but I could really use some advice.

My fiancé has a brother that is already married. He has been married for almost 6 years. This brothers wife, Pam, has clung to my their mother . . . mostly because she no longer speaks with her parents.

I come into the picture and find it really hard to bond with my fiancé's mother because Pam stands in the way. It's almost like his mom doesn't need another daughter-in-law because she's got what she wants. Plus, I'm not one to cling unless I feel welcome and accepted by them. My fiancé says that we're both "Alpha females" and both "stubborn."

Well, I feel like I've tried so hard to get to know his mother. I've talked about things she enjoys (scrapbooking, photography, computer games she likes), but I get no where!

Pam and her hubby recently moved to TX (far from OH), and things got a little better for the time being. She started trying to get to know me a bit, but it seemed like we still butt-heads a little. As soon as I started to feel like we were making progress, the third son in the family got a girlfriend and now SHE'S the focus.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I always dreamed that I would get along with my in-laws and take them on as a second family, but it's getting so hard . . . and my fiancé is starting to get a little tired of my complaining.

Any one have any tips? She doesn't take well to confrontation either, she barely knows what to do with it. The father is basically non-existent in the family . . . kind of "in his own little world."

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-26-2009 04:59 AM

Different personalities.

I see you, as a woman of the world, someone who will go somewhere in life.

Pam and the "new lady" are probably, home-makers, scrapbook, computers, photography, knitting, making gifts type of girls.

The only connection you may have is "art" , therefore, "photography", start maybe, looking at what she loves in that area and send her/give her things that will make her go wow.

Your future, your dreams, your inspirations, your life, is so different than hers, and her era, probably, she has always wished she could be like you, alas, is used to the "normality in life", physcologically she may feel threatened and finds it easier to cope with woman who may see her as the smarter person, not the otherway around as she may actually see you.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-26-2009 10:44 PM

Bumping up

**OhThereYouAre** · 11-27-2009 08:26 AM

The best advice would be to take the situation at face value.

And not to worry about it.

You two aren't destined to be friends.....as yet.

If you look back on the best relationships you have developed in life, you probably won't remember how they started....that's because things happened naturally, and they probably weren't forced.

Give it some time....she'll eventually take note of something you do, or something you've said that may change her feelings.

In the meantime, treat her as you would any other respected member of the family.

Good luck.