Laura19

OK, so my boyfriend and I have been together over a year now. We rushed into things way to fast. After about 3 weeks of dating circumstances forced us into moving in together. We lived with his parents from March of last year until November. Now we have our own apartment that we have been in since Nov. In the beginning things were great (as usual). He was sweet and nice and always cared about my feelings. We would spend so much time together. But there are definately some problems. Since we have been together he has had 4-5 MAJOR breakdowns. Most of them center around him saying that he is not good enough for me and about his issues with his dad and mom and about his issues with himself (low confidence, ect.) But here is the thing, he is mean to me. Flat out mean. The past 2 months he has I guess forgot that I have feelings. He tells me when Im eating something that he thinks isn't good for me like penut butter? But he is mean about it. After all of his breakdowns he apologizes, and for 2-4 days he is all over me always wanting to cuddle. THen it switches back to where he is rude, doesn't want to be around me. We haven't had sex in a month. His reasons are because he thinks it causes problems because he is more experimental than I am and because he is finding other girls bodies more attractive. He isn't cheeting and I know he wont, that is out of the question. The thing is that he is a body builder. I am not. So he talks about how when he is benching in the 400s how the hot girls who are in shape are going to want him and thats the kind of body he likes. He doesn't have any friends that are girls and I dont have any friends that are boys because we have jealousy issues. We have both been cheated on. I have had a miscarriage, caused my preacher dad to lose his job, been in a children's home, and ran away. He has been physically and mentally abused by his ex-military father since the day he was born. THey make it painfully obvious to him and everyone that he was a mistake, a product of make-up sex. He doesn't think that they love him. He says the only person he feels needed by is me. Last night he sat for about an hour telling me how I am not in shape or sexually attractive, or healthy. I am 5'9 and 180 lbs. I sucked it up and didn't cry or anything. And I have been working out once a day for almost 2 weeks now. So then he asks me if I want to go to the park. I said yes. I was excited because I had been asking for us to go for almost a month. We used to have so much fun at the park together. Then when we get there he invites the one friend of his that I can not stand. I have had a huge blow up with this friend. This guy is not allowed in my house and I dont talk to him or about him with anyone. So I got ticked and yelled at him that he was an hole and left him there without a car. He came home at 3:30am. We had a heated discussion. I told him that I will not be treated like this anymore. Later in bed he said that he was sorry. He said he was going to show me and not just tell me. That gives me a little bit of hope, but I dont know. I want him to care about me. All day every day I feel like I am an inconvenience to him and that he doesn't want to be around me. I haven't believed him when he has said I love you in almost a month. Its to the point to where I wake up thinking "How is he going to hurt me today?" I dont know what to do. Have I hung on to long? I believe that we can work things out and be ok. But I feel like he thinks its hopeless. I am 19. He will be in March. We are young. My family lives in a different state. He cant afford to live at home. My name is the one on the lease and I pay all the bills and do the cleaning. I just dont know if this is worth all the pain its putting me through. What if I hang on and in the end only get hurt or stuck in a bad marriage. I just dont know what to do.

Laura19

We broke Up.

kaylar

Many years ago I met a fellow who was as psychologically
messed up as your bf.

And I realised that I was not qualified to manage his
psychosis, so I left him.

I left him because I couldn't be his bulwark, I couldn't
be around someone who made me feel depressed.

avery3

I am sorry that you had to end the relationship, but happy that you will not be put down any more. when i first started reading your entry it sounded exactly like me and my boyfriend, except he doesnt put me down about things. But dont get me wrong, our relationship is very difficult at times bc he has very low self-esteem and thinks that i could do better, or he thinks that i need to get out and date a few holes to realize that he is a good guy, which i know he is. but yes we have been to the point of ending our realtionship but we both know that we are meant for each other and we talk openly about everything. i just hope you get out there and meet new guys and not to rush things!! it takes a while to find out if a guy is going to treat you badly. another thing you could do is to take a look at their life at home and how their parents are..bc most men end up like their fathers!