i'm lonely and my hubby doesn't relaise this

**minimouse** · 12-01-2009 05:54 AM

hi guys im new here. just joined.sorry if i make any mistakes.

I just needed a winge and to be honest i dont have any friends.so cant have a moan to anyone. This is my only option.

I am married and I know it'll make some ladies out there mad when i say this but i do love him. I have 2 beautiful children. 1 8 year old son and a 2 year old little madam.

I dont really want to bore anyone, but I dont know what to do, I used to have friends but ver the years we lost touch and married moved away, uni, or family hectic life etc. I did have 1 fiend she was my best friend, but my hubby always disliked her and moaned about her all the time, so when me and her broke up once after a disagrrement and i actually left it and never bothered to get back with her kknowing that either i get back with her and put up with hubby complaining about her, or I stay away from her and keep him hapy. i know i was going to be lonely without her, she married and moved to london so dont hear from her unless on facebook.

Serves me right anyway.
i just fel like ive done too much to keep him happy, i dont go out anymore, i dont have any friends, I try and keep the house as clan as I can bt i honestly swar to god I can't keep up with it. Its a huge beautiful house m and I really do get tired just hoovering one room. I pad my sister to help me with the ironing and cleaning, but my hubby winged about her being so slow so I didnt call her back. My huby does help me out, but he thinks i dont do enough

In the past we have had arguements and my hubby told me if theres any problems that I should talk to him, but when I do, he usually answer is "no"

my self esteem has done in the bin, Im not as confident anymore as i used to be. If i have any ideas for home or business he doesnt encourage me and I feel stupid and angry with him.

We already run a business with it being dead with resseson, i thought of other business ideas to bring money in.and he never agrees to them.

I made several appointements with my GP for depression, but pills wont help me make friends and give me my confidence back.

THANKS FOR READING MY BORING LIFE STORY. just feel a little bit better ...hope he realises one day what i did for him. (probably when i'm dead!)he'll relaise!lol

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-01-2009 08:24 AM

If being the housemaker for your family is your *job*, then you should get days off, vacations, and a break at the end of the day just like everyone else has with their jobs. It sounds like you don't get that, that you work your job full time, all the time and that has GOT to be depressing. If your husband had to go to work and never get a day off, and had to stay at work til bedtime then come home sleep and go right back to work again, he'd be stressed and sad too -- it just isn't fair or healthy.

You need to schedule in time for yourself like you do for everything else that matters, be it making sure dinners ready or the kids soccer practice. Something like an hour for the gym and tuesdays and thursdays, a walk in the fresh air or trip to park every day at 4pm... an hour or a 2 set aside a day a few days a week to work on your projects, home business ideas etc... then gradually increase that time as needed.

You are losing yourself and even though your husband wants the house taken care of , deep down I am sure he doesn't want you to lose yourself and become some clothes washing robot... the you he fell in love with is becoming sad and misplaced and you have to have a heart to heart with him and explain the feeling of isolation you are experiencing.

Don't blame him for you not having friends, it will make him defensive and less likely to understand what you are going through. But as you start doing activities that focus on YOU and not just your family , you will become a brighter happier person and people (friends) will gravitate to you more easily.

**minimouse** · 12-01-2009 08:50 AM

thanks hun! you are millions of miles away rom me but your words are very comforting. You are right, i need to make a routine-something that matters. i need to do that.thank you once again. your a *****SUPERSTAR****

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-01-2009 01:46 PM

Your husband sounds like he likes to wear the pants, in every fashion

If you had confidence before you got married, then you have it inside of you.

No one, really has a right to tell you who to be friends with, they don't necessarily have to like them, but it's your CHOICE.... The only person that owns you is you and then there's compromise. But, if one person won't compromise, that's difficult and it seems that you chose the easy way out by just agreeing.

In doing that, you're not being the true you, and therefore, your depressed, lonley, down and out, you can't make any management decisions on anything in your life, from cleaning, to business ideas, to friends, nothing.

You've lost your identity and the only person that can get that back is YOU.

Your living a recluse life in short, no one to turn to, to discuss things with, bounce ideas off of. And, it appears that even simple decisions such as cleaning, your wrong, yet who really cares if someone is slow?

There in reality you should be saying exactly that... It helps, and it's company and it doesn't really matter, job gets done.

Be a little ascertive and stop cringing and hidding behind your persona, when he says "she's too slow, or no", just say well actually, it helps me and so, I can't see the problem but thanks for your comment and walk away...

Your shutting yourself off from the world, perhaps that's what he wants? Full control over what happens in your "joint life"...

That's no way to live sweet.

Have a think on this.. Be assertive, that doesn't mean arguements, just smiling and making a comment that shows you are standing your ground on this, what ever this is, you are a person as well, and you have rights to make management decisions as well, as long as they don't effect another person.... that being financially ruined, or cheating, things that would truly effect another person...

Get your sister back cleaning

You need family in your life, and from there, work out how you can re-gain your friends, get in touch with them via facebook, start re-gaining a little bit of your old life...

CW

**happy ending** · 12-01-2009 06:45 PM

yes sweetie it sounds like you are being bullied by a HOUSE!! if cleaning isnt your thing and its not from the sound of it, get help and get a life. i so agree with the other posters and further more ask - do you own the house or does it own you?

**rcoreyus** · 12-01-2009 07:32 PM

Find time to take your children out to play with other children (from school, etc), and talk to their parents. Activities for children can be a great way to meet people. Also, remeber the house is there to make you happy, not the other way around. No one should expect yo to raise children and have a perfect house.

**WildChild** · 12-01-2009 11:03 PM

I used to keep a perfect house, Spotless, everything well organized. Then I had kids and realised you can have a spotless house or happy kids, I don't think you can have both. I did a lot of reorganizing so that it was easier to keep up with and just had to decide to let some things go.

Childhood flies by, you don't get second chances to spend time with your kids, to play with them to have fun. Cut back on the knick knacks and stuff that needs a lot of time to dust, set up the kids play area so it easy to tidy. I got big colorful plastic bins (my son still has a couple bins full of legos) and some smaller plastic tubs All the dinosaurs in one, cars in another, barbies have their own tubs, dress up stuff in another. That makes it easier for the kids.

At one point we got transfered to the desert, it was too hot to play outside most of the time, so I sold all the livingroom furniture and got and a Fisher Price climber with a slide and put it in the livingroom - you do what you need to to keep the kids happy. There will be plenty of time in 18 or 20 years to have a perfect house.

Good grief lady, get out and about with the kids, go to the park, meet some other moms, pack a picnic or snacks to share, get to know some people YOU need that.

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