In the middle.......again.

**Boosmama1** · 12-03-2009 05:35 PM

I have been remarried for 4 years to a man who treats me like a queen. I also have a 20 year old daughter and 19 year old son both away at college.The problem: my kids hate my husband. They think he lies to and manipulates me. Two years ago my daughter accused him of assaulting her. The police found no evidence and he was so drunk he "doesn't remember". While my daughter hated him she never appeared traumatized. We seperated for a year and a half until my kids moved on. He moved back in 6 months ago and when my daughter was around him she acted fine - joking, fishing and hanging out with us. Last week my husband invaded my sons privacy by using his cell phone to take a picture of himself and forwarding it to his own phone. Apparently, he accidently forwarded a picture of my sons girlfriend - naked. My husband lied to me about it at first then told me the truth and that it was an accident. He also told my son the truth. My son flipped out. As I was already upset with him for lying to me, I asked him to leave. I haven't let him back home yet. My kids are both back at school but have made it very clear to me that if I stay married to my husband they will not accept that in their lives. He is my best friend and I love him but my kids are everything to me. Am I just a complete idiot to what is going on here? I will never really know the truth of 2 years ago and it is haunting me again now.

**WildChild** · 12-03-2009 06:01 PM

If you can't trust, if you aren't certain, how can you stay with him?

**happy ending** · 12-03-2009 06:38 PM

you think your problem is that your children hate your husband? the man who was so drunk he couldnt remember if he assaulted your daughter, who accidently forwarded nude photos of your son's girlfreind to his phone and then lied about it. i would say your kids are right about him, and deep down you know it. dont let him back in. youre not a complete idiot, you love him and you want it all to be alright.

it wont ever be.

**happy ending** · 12-03-2009 06:44 PM

please believe your daughter, she wants you to be happy and has no reason to lie. they dont like him because they see him for who he really is.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 12-03-2009 09:01 PM

I agree believe your kids and I suspect your gut. When I was in my teens My mom dated lots of guys. I hated most of them because they were jerks and were using her. She would get so mad at me for being a bi**h to them until she broke up with them. The only ones I ever liked treated her (and me) nicely and with respect. Kids know!

**happy ending** · 12-03-2009 10:51 PM

and ask yourself - is your daughter generally a truthful person, how would you react to if you were your son and your girlfriends picture was being forwarded about, what was he doing on your sons phone in the first place.

i had warning signs about my exhusband and i chose to ignore them, it wasnt until he hurt our daughter that i moved on, interestingly he also used the i was too drunk cant remember line? should i have checked that my daughter didnt lie and bruise herself? i chose to believe my daughter and i think you believe yours too, PJ has a good point, as my daughter loves my new boyfriend, who although not perfect treats us with respect.

i am not judging you, because i have been there, but you know something isnt right? i find it odd that you say your daughter didnt appear traumatised - what does that even mean, also of course she acted fine around him, as you have shown that you chose him over her, she doesnt want to lose you. she loves you, your son loves you, this man seems to love only himself. cant you love yourself a little more?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-04-2009 03:24 AM

Stop following your heart and follow your head.

You children wouldn't make things up, they can't totally tell you either because your in denial..

Your children won't lie and they need you to believe them.

This is going to be very hard, very.

But, you have to sit them down and say okay, I am ready to listen, you know I love him, but you are my blood, my life and you mean more, so tell me...please.

Please think about this, and there will be tears and there will be truth, don't you actually want that?

Here's your chance.

CW

**pretzel** · 12-04-2009 07:07 AM

GET THE H*** OUT.

I say that because just based on the initial post, my situation isn't that much dissimilar. When I met my wife about 6 years ago my daughter was 13. She warned me as much as a 13 year old could that I was being used and being taken advantage of. I didn't listen. I should have.

You've taught them the same values and morals you yourself hold. You should trust them because they are in essence you.

Please don't fall into the same trap and dungeon I'm in. It sounds like, despite your love for your husband (and in my case, my wife) they can see a toxic situation with no good outcome just as well as any adult can.

**sourpuss** · 12-04-2009 07:31 AM

No one sends a nude photo of themselves to the wrong address. Sorry

**KMonte85** · 12-04-2009 07:56 AM

Summary time...

Your daughter told you your husband assualted her - he said he was "too drunk to remember"

Your husband forwarded a nude picture of your son's girlfriend to his own phone "accidentally" then lied about it.

Both your children have flat out refused to keep him in their lives.

This is just too fishy and sounds like there are some alarms going off in your mind as well...
I think it might be time for you to find a new best friend as this guy seems to be full of excuses and lies...