I am sick and disgusted

**disgusted** · 12-04-2009 09:16 AM

Yesterday morning I found out that my husband is viewing TEEN porn on internet again.(previously told him it makes me sick- I thought he stopped) He says its legal (18&up) but they look like little kids to me. I just can't believe a "child" turns him on more than a WOMAN! We have been together 20yrs (married 18) and have a 6y/o son, husband is 42 and I'm 41. we've always had a great sex life & I don't mind porn, but this just sickens me. Mostly because we own a small carry out and delivery restaurant and he employs a teenage girl (always the cute ones...). So many thoughts in my head lately - is he screwing around? with his employee? (Most porn is watched nights after cute girl works) - He, of course wants sex with me - but now, I just can't ! - I've recently put on some weight and feel really fat and jiggly- (people say I'm not FAT but 20lbs extra when you've always been skinny is alot.) For the last two days I can't even look at him without getting sick. I thought a few weeks ago he was screwing around with said employee - I mentioned how he would literally kick me out of our business whenever she was about to start her shift- asked why and never did get any answer other than "You know I love you and our family more than anything" and then started to get pissed at me for saying something. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this - I certainly can't let my friends/family know. But I don;t know what to do or say to him anymore. Anyone have any advice?

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-04-2009 09:41 AM

Explain to him like you did to us, that you are no fool. That him working with a teenage girl and then coming home and watching teen porn makes you feel like you are married to a creepy pervert and you don't want to have to feel that way. Remind him in case he did not know that its not okay to have relations with an employee and that he could be putting your business at risk, or even is freedom if the girl is under aged.

If he is unable to see why this would have any effect on your feelings towards him he is either clueless or just doesn't care. You've been married a long time and I know you love him, but you don't deserve to be made to feel like you have been put out to pasture. At 41 you are still a vibrant, beautiful, sexy and sexual woman... and there would be many real men that would choose you over a teenager.

Don't let his little fetish go making you feel bad about yourself. In fact I think you should focuse on regaining your confidence, go to the gym and start working on that 20lbs that makes you uncomfortable with yourself -- not for him, gosh knows he doesn't deserve it, but for YOU... get your hair done and make yourself feel pretty.

Don't allow him to grab your coat and shoo you out the door whenever this girl arrives. You don't have to watch him like a private investigator but if he loves you and you are his wife you have a right to be anywhere you please and not be scooted away from anywhere.

**Joy** · 12-04-2009 12:09 PM

Next employee you hire make sure you do the interviewing process - Hire a hot young guy say 20ish. Eye Candy for the ladies is just as important as Eye Candy for the guys.

I would follow HD's advice go to the gym - do things that make you feel viberant and sexy cause you are.

**KMonte85** · 12-04-2009 12:57 PM

You know I love you and our family more than anything

Tell him what that statement really means. If he REALLY feels this way... If that be the case, then stop looking at the kind of pornography that makes you so sick. Stop hiring cute young chicks that look like the girls in his porn to work in the shop. Stop shoving you out the door when one of these girls starts work. Stop disregarding your feelings and realize that something needs to change

**rcoreyus** · 12-05-2009 04:18 AM

He likes teen porn - not unusual. He hired an attractive young woman - well most applicants for that sort of job will be young, and a fair number will be attractive women. I don't see anything necessarily suspicious here.

If you stop having sex with him though, he might feel he has an excuse....

**sourpuss** · 12-05-2009 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

He likes teen porn - not unusual. He hired an attractive young woman - well most applicants for that sort of job will be young, and a fair number will be attractive women. I don't see anything necessarily suspicious here.

If you stop having sex with him though, he might feel he has an excuse....

Just FYI, your post makes it sound like, if he cheats, it would be her fault.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-05-2009 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

He likes teen porn - not unusual.

Umm depends on the type of teen porn for how unusual it is, or how worrisome it would be I'd think. Some teen porn has girls depicted their actual age of 18/19 as just regular porn but with younger, fresher girls... that I don't think is unusual.

But some teen porn has the girls depicted as much younger than their already young age... while not illigal its sure as heck disturbing to see that your husband likes to look at girls being staged to look like they are 13... in dora the explorer bed sheets hugging a teddy bear and what not.

But even if he was interested ONLY in the first type mentioned... its pretty disturbing if your husband has a fetish for teenage girls and only teenage girls. If he wont look at porn depicting women over 19 years old... it would be pretty uncomfortable I'd think.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2009 01:22 PM

Seems to be common, you find out your man is watching Porn and all of a sudden you feel old and fat and un-attractive...

You should be who you want to be, but in that, you should take care of yourself and love yourself, because no one else is going to do it, not the way you can.

If you feel overweight and don't like it personally, do it FOR YOU, and get out there and do something about it.

Is the business a tad full of pressure? Is there excitement at home, ie) do you laugh, go out, mix with friends, hold hands, be together outside of work?

When two people work together, often when they get home, the home life is more like two friends living together, as they see each other 24/7.

What changes can you make to your relationship to bring back how you were 20 years ago, together?

When was the last time you both looked at your photo albulms?

I haven't encountered any man I've gone out with watching Porn, but from what I have read over and over, "men" will say it is a stress release, it hightens them with a form of excitement which they release and then they have un-wound a bit, other's drink a few beers with mates.

I don't doubt he doesn't love you, nor his family but I do question if the marriage has life and fun in it.

I work 24/7 myself or used to until I downsized my business and I can tell you at 46 I'm ready for something, I need something, there has to be more than work and I've been booking little holidays away, not expensive and then just going and it's fun....

We all seek something if there isn't enough around us to give us that "youth" that we crave.

There is an inner child in all of us.

I'm not excusing his watching Porn so don't get me wrong, I am purely wondering if your working together, living together is exactly the same, a bit regiment with rules maybe, no fun and laughter.

You say AGAIN, so I am assuming he has done this, stopped and started....

Have a think...

CW

**rcoreyus** · 12-06-2009 05:13 PM

No, but if you stop having sex with your spouse, they are more likely to cheat - it provides a perfect excuse.

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Just FYI, your post makes it sound like, if he cheats, it would be her fault.

**caterpillar79** · 12-06-2009 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

No, but if you stop having sex with your spouse, they are more likely to cheat - it provides a perfect excuse.

(If such is the case) It is not the woman's fault then - it is just the man's PERFECT excuse. Why don't we also ask what he does that causes her to stop having sex with him. There must be an antecedent to such behavior...let's see, could it be his porn issues and his fascination with younger women/girls...that he had neglected the poster long enough for her to distance emotionally, hence not feeling of wanting to have sex?

It's a vicious cycle it seems to me. (I am just relating to your point, Richard for the sake of argument).

The poster has not indicated anything to that effect yet, I believe. Maybe we'll find out more when she gets back.