Is There Something Going On???

**always hopeful** · 12-05-2009 06:35 AM

Hello again, I need some advice....I have been feeling this weird feeling in my tummy, "like something is just not right". If you have read my previous thread there has been some problems with my hubby, but now I have been thinking and kinda of putting two and two together I think there is something going on again...

I will give you a rundown of what is going through my mind...three years ago we had our son, hubby had been getting invited to parties and do to lack of babysitter I did not go with, not a big deal. As time went on he has been going out more and more(as posted before), he doesn't talk much about his nights out until the last little while and he always seems to bring up this girl, Shawna(long story short he knew her from years ago, 20 plus years ago, they used to hang out with the same people, before me). The first time she was brought up was that our mutal friend, Ron, was interested in her, Ron started going out with my hubby I guess to get to know her better. Quick low down on Ron, really nice guy, gone through gross breakup, very hansome, good job. At first I though good for Ron, but now according to my hubby she is not interested in him anymore and has been talking to my hubby about this...alittle werid....ANYWAYS on with the story....with hubby bringing her up more and more I started to wonder, my detective side started to come out so I started to look at some of his friends on facebook...well there are photos of hubby and shawna dancing, laughing, posing for photos and so on (these photos would not bother me so much, but to get my hubby to pose for a photos around us, not easy, and well I think the last we danced together was at our wedding (plently of opportunity but he always said he doesn't like dancing).....so I asked him, right away he said what? have you been talking to Ron? Well what does Ron have to do with it, so it got me to thinking does Ron know something???? I told him no, I just having a funny feeling that something is going on....he went on to ask again "who have you been talking to??" I really think he is hiding something....he knows where she lives, she has visited him at our shop, gave him a coffee mug and someother stuff, her number has been on his cell phone and work phone...I feel like I am a teenager, but I really do not want to look like a fool AGAIN,

My question should I ask Ron??? Should I keep being a detective???

**Karma3** · 12-05-2009 07:50 AM

From reading your other posts, it sounds like the two of you are in your 40's? You also sound like you have been a very patient wife, letting him have the freedom of going out and partying without you etc while you care for your 3 year old. In other words, you have given him free rein...alot of rope if you will. Unfortunately as the old saying goes, give them enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves. He mentioned to you that he doesn't want to grow old. I personally think there is a diffence between growing old and growing up and it doesn't sound like he wants to grow up. Unfortunately, with him going out all the time and partying, going to pubs etc. (in my opinion) is going to lead to other things. He is leading his life as a "single guy". For all the rest of us who have kids and are in our 40's...yes, we still like to have fun (who doesn't?) but he just doesn't seem to realize his boundaries between responsibility and socializing. I noticed in another post that he mentioned three somes? You've been together with this man for 23 years and have a 3 year old...which means you and him had 20 years of partying etc to get out of your systems before settling down with a child. I don't think you are being unreasonable by asking him to tone it down a bit. Your child is both of your responsibilities not just yours. Sometimes guys need a reality check...I mean does he really want to end up alone without his wife and child all to go out and party and have his way with any women he wants? And how long will that make him happy for? Maybe the way he looks at it is he's getting the best of both worlds and yes, if he crossed the line before with another women, I believe he is capable of doing it again.
This is not right that you are sitting at home caring for your child while he goes out whooping it up with other women and dancing and doing all of these things that you said you had to pull teeth with years ago.
Your husband is putting more effort into his own "fun" in life and is depriving you and your child by not participating in fun things in your life? I think it's time for a little talk with your second child and set this record straight.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2009 02:33 PM

Unfortunately as the old saying goes, give them enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves. He mentioned to you that he doesn't want to grow old. I personally think there is a diffence between growing old and growing up and it doesn't sound like he wants to grow up.

I totally agree with the above poster.

I would continue playing detective, but that's me having managed an Investigation Firm, it's proof, evidence, real, not "thoughts".

It sounds to me, that he was covering at the beginning by bringing Ron into the picture, when it was him who got excited at seeing her and wanted to share that with his "friend", you and this way he could.

It sounds to me, that having photos on facebook of them together, whilst married is very disrespectful to you.

And, he's non the wiser that you've done that, instead thinking that Ron betrayed his trust.

I think that you gave him too much rope as the above poster stated and I'm not saying that he's cheated, but I do believe at least he has cheated emotionally, especially as she has given him gifts.

You have to find a babysitter, and go with him when he goes out... He feels a mixture of being single and being married, and you know where that will lead.

CW

**LanaBear** · 12-05-2009 04:37 PM

There isn't much to say that the other two haven't.

He's living the single, let's go have fun life with the comforts of a marriage and family at home. To me, that just doesn't make sense. You two need to go out together, have fun together, as a family and/or as a couple.

You need to talk to him, put your foot down, this isn't fair to you or your child...

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